


The Illegitimate Daughter

by cooopercrisp



Category: Modern Family (TV)
Genre: During Canon, F/M, Family Drama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:22:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 59,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29883147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cooopercrisp/pseuds/cooopercrisp
Summary: For twenty years, Claire's been hiding a secret from her family: Haley might not be Phil's daughter. When that secret comes out, the Dunphy family starts to fall apart. It will take a lot of work for Claire to put her family back together. Canon-compliant until the end of season 5, then diverges based on the time of writing.
Relationships: Andy Bailey/Haley Dunphy
Comments: 6
Kudos: 2





	1. The Wedding

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posting this from FF dot net. Warning that there is a pretty cringeworthy moment a few chapters in where My Little Pony gets mentioned. I was a very die-hard brony at the time of writing. I was considering cutting it but decided instead to leave it as originally written.

“Cam, wanna read off those vows you wrote?” Sal asked, holding her pregnant belly and laughing as though she were drunk. Cam had a huge smile on his face as he took an index card from his jacket pocket.

The wedding had been moved at the last minute into a reception hall after firefighters warned them to evacuate the hilltop where they had originally planned to tie the knot. The hall was just large enough to fit Cam and Mitchell’s families and friends. In the front row sat Cam’s mother and his sister Pam; Jay, Gloria, and Manny; and Mitchell’s brother-in-law Phil, sitting between his two daughters Haley and Alex, with Luke beside Alex.

There hadn’t been enough room for the lavish decorations that Pepper Saltzman had arranged for the outside, but flowers still adorned the altar. Claire was standing beside Mitchell, smiling as her fiery-haired brother was finally marrying his long-time partner. Lily had insisted on standing beside Cam and in front of Cam’s father Merle. Jay’s dog Stella was standing at the altar, too, bearing the rings on a cushion wrapped around her body.

* * *

_“I spent the week before the wedding trying to write the perfect vows,” Cam tells me. “Perfect vows for a perfect husband. I talked to my mom about it, and she said as long as it comes from the heart, whatever I have to say will be wonderful. Then Lily said ‘You love Daddy. That’s all that matters,’ and that’s when I knew what I wanted to say.”_

* * *

Cam cleared his throat and began reading off his vows.

“Mitchell Vincent Pritchett,” he said, “it has been an honor sharing these ten years with you.” He choked up. “I can’t believe it’s even been that long, the time’s just flown along so fast. From the day we met at that party, to the day we adopted our beautiful daughter Lily, and to the day we became engaged, those days and all the days in between have been my life’s greatest adventure.”

Claire reminisced upon the vows she and Phil had renewed only a few years ago. Having eloped against Jay’s wishes, they hadn’t had a formal ceremony or even a honeymoon. The entire marriage started off in such a hurry because of Claire’s pregnancy with Haley. She bit her lip and continued to listen to Cam.

* * *

_“Yes,” Claire explains, “I was a bit uncomfortable listening to Cam read his vows. But if you know what I went through with Phil…let’s just say, you’d understand the source of my discomfort.”_

“ _Honey!” Phil calls from the front door. “Our reservation’s at eight. We’re going to be late!”_

_Claire sighs. “At least I can say I love him. That’s more than a lot of wives can say about their husbands. I mean, just look at Mom and Dad. God forbid Phil and I end up like that…” Claire takes out her lipstick and puts it on shakily._

“ _Honey!” Phil calls._

“ _Coming!” Claire shouts back. She looks at me and smiles sadly before hustling off._

* * *

“From this day forward, ‘til death do we part, I promise to remain by your side through all of our little bumps and bruises, to raise Lily together and to attend her graduation, her wedding, the birth of her first child.”

“Gross!” Lily cried, and everyone in the room had a hearty laugh. Cam smiled sheepishly and blushed as he continued.

“Most of all,” he concluded, “I promise to ever remain faithful to you. I know we’ve had our share of little crushes while we’ve been together, but I have never once strayed from you, and I promise that I never will.”

* * *

_“Hearing those words from Cam,” Mitchell says, “they sounded so similar to my own vows. So I was just standing there thinking about what I could say to sound original and like I had prepared them far in advance. Kind of hard to do when it’s one of the most important days of your life and all your family and friends are watching.” He rolls up his sleeves and smiled. “But they were lovely vows, and I’m so blessed.”_

* * *

Mitchell beamed at his husband-to-be to hear those warm, unusually eloquent words. Claire, however, was fighting to hide her discomfort.

She had been sitting on a secret from the moment she had accepted Phil’s proposal. She had miraculously lived with the guilt of this secret for two decades, but seeing her brother’s wedding and hearing Cam’s vows of faith was making her uneasy.

She turned to the crowd with a forced smile and made eye contact with Jay. He caught her eye as well and waved at her. She waved back, and he circled his pointer finger to indicate that she needed to turn back around. Claire nodded briskly and turned to face Mitchell again. Cam took the ring from Stella’s back.

* * *

_“Dad was the only one who knew what I was going through up there,” Claire explains. “I knew I had to talk to him as soon as I could, but I had to play the part of best person for my brother’s sake. I’m just lucky I didn’t pass out or throw up.” She smiles sheepishly and wrings her hands._

* * *

“With this ring,” Cam said, “I thee wed.” Mitchell held out his hand, and Cam slipped the ring on Mitchell’s finger. _Hmm, it’s a little big on him_ , Cam thought, but he shrugged it off.

“Cam, that was so beautiful,” Sal said, tears coming to her eyes. “Think you can top that, Mitch?”

“I don’t think so, but I’ll try to match it at least,” Mitchell said. Cam mouthed the words “I love you” to him, and Mitchell silently replied “I love you, too.”

“Cameron Scott Tucker,” Mitchell said, “I didn’t bring any notes with me because I knew exactly what I wanted to say to you. That, and I never use notes in the courtroom, so I’m kind of used to it.” The crowd chuckled again. Cam smiled and bit his lip in excitement.

* * *

_“That was a lie,” Mitchell says. “I had notes in my jacket pocket, but like I said, I would have sounded like a copycat. But then I remembered a story, and I knew it would be perfect for this moment. Yep,” he adds, nodding proudly. “I was pretty good at improvising. Too bad the asses at Cornell couldn’t see that when I auditioned for The Whistling Shrimp.”_

* * *

“I didn’t know right away that I was in love with you,” Mitchell continued. “The moment I realized it was when I had ordered that spaghetti in an Italian restaurant on our one year anniversary. You remember, right? The spaghetti was ice cold, and I wasn’t going to say anything, but you insisted on me speaking up. You finally took matters into your own hands and demanded the waiter to reheat my food.

“Well, when I knew how willing you were to stick up for me in that small, seemingly insignificant moment, I was in bliss. I cried the day we adopted Lily, and you know me. I never cry.”

The crowd said “aww.”

“Yes, it was an emotional day,” Mitchell said. “And I can tell I’m rambling now, so I’ll make it brief. Yes, I promise to always be there for you and always remain faithful to you, and I’m not just parroting you. I have never been more blessed than when I’ve been with you, and I would never give that up for the world. Our daughter may not be ours by blood, but we’ve raised her as if she was our own, and I could never be more proud of her or of you.”

Claire resisted the urge to turn and face her father again, but her discomfort was now amplified. She scratched her head nervously. Mitchell turned to her and she beamed at him, but lost the smile when he turned away.

* * *

_Claire smiles at me nervously and shifts her eyes, but she can’t think of anything to say._

* * *

Mitchell took the other ring from Stella’s back.

“With this ring, I thee wed,” Mitchell said. Cam held his hand daintily in front of him, and Mitchell attempted to put the ring on his finger. It wouldn’t fit around it, however, and Mitchell grew concerned.

“I know what happened!” Cam said. “We need to swap rings.” The crowd laughed as Mitchell took off the ring on his finger and gave it to Cam. It was a perfect fit. Cam put the ring Mitchell had on his finger.

“You guys are so cute together!” Sal said. “Wish my baby daddy and me had what you two have.” The crowd laughed uncomfortably.

“Okay, what’s next again?” she asked.

“The pronouncement,” Cam muttered.

“Oh yeah. Um, by the power vested in me by…someone, and the state of California, you two guys are married now. Now plant a wet one on each other!”

* * *

_“Yes, it was a bit…unorthodox for Sal to marry us,” Mitchell says._

“ _But we were so touched when she offered, we had to say yes,” Cam adds._

“ _More like we were afraid she was drunk and hormonal and would kill us if we refused.”_

“ _You tell your story. I’ll tell mine.”_

* * *

Cam leaned forward and took Mitchell by surprise as he locked lips fiercely. They remained standing that way as the crowd cheered. Mitchell, afraid Cam was going to do something indecent, broke the kiss off and smiled at Cam. Cam blushed and laughed as the two of them made their way back down the aisle.

Claire and Merle followed them. Claire took the moment to stare at her father seriously. Jay nodded and mouthed the words “At the reception,” and Claire nodded in return. Relieved, she joined back up with Phil as Merle returned to his wife Barb.

“You were so wonderful up there,” Phil said as he gave her a soft peck on the lips.

* * *

_“Claire was so beautiful up there,” Phil tells me. “I was reminded of the magical night when I married her… Well, we eloped pretty quickly in our apartment with Mitchell and my father there, but…it was still nice.” He looks nervous as he thinks of something to say. “The vow renewal was amazing though. My idea, of course.” He seems to have his swagger back._

* * *

“Yeah, I guess I was pretty good,” Claire said abashedly.

“You were great, Mom,” Alex said, beaming.

“You looked beautiful,” Haley said. Claire smiled nervously, suddenly finding it hard to look at her oldest daughter.

“It was okay, I guess,” Luke jibed. Alex punched him in the arm.

“Don’t lie, you enjoyed it!” she hissed. Luke punched her in the arm harder.

“Don’t start fighting now,” Claire said. “Try not to kill each other at the reception. And no, Haley, you’re not allowed to have any alcohol.”

“But I’m legal in five months!” Haley whined.

“I don’t want to hear it,” Claire said.

* * *

_“Mom is such a control freak,” Haley complains. “I mean, I know my limits. I can handle my liquor. Plus, the bartender owed me a favor, so it’s not like he would have said no…”_

_“He owes you a favor?” I ask._

_“Well…I might have promised to take him to the coatroom and get a little ‘hands-on…’” Haley bites her lip. “Hey, come on now. It was a wedding…” She looks nervously at me. “Get it? A **wedding**. Oh, never mind.” She storms off in a huff._

* * *

“Relax,” Phil said, wrapping an arm around his wife’s shoulder as the five of them followed the crowd out. “The kids are going to be fine. And it’s not like Haley hasn’t had her fair share of booze in the past.”

“Dad, quit it. You’re embarrassing me,” Haley moaned. Phil smiled and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Haley flailed her arms in protest, but then felt guilty and kissed Phil back. Claire gulped nervously but said nothing.

“Um…where _is_ the reception?” she asked. “It was going to be outside.”

“I think it’s just outside the room,” Phil said. “I saw Pepper setting up the hors d’oeuvres in the lobby.”

“That’s going be a little tight,” Claire said nervously. _How am I going to talk to my dad without Phil overhearing?_

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Phil said. They made it outside the hall and into the lobby, where everyone was already waiting in line for the food and especially the alcohol.

“Why don’t you get us some food, honey?” Claire said. “I’m going to find Mitchell and congratulate him.” She said this because she saw Mitchell going over to Jay looking rather awkward. “Besides, he’s going over to Dad. I should be there in case things get a little tense.”

* * *

_“Mitchell and Dad had…let’s just say it was a disagreement,” Claire tell me. “I wanted to step in so they didn’t start a fight at the wedding. And of course, I needed to talk to Dad, so there may have been some ulterior motives…” She looks at the ground, running a hand through her hair._

* * *

“Oh, absolutely,” Phil said. “Come on, kids. You get to pick out whatever you want to eat.”

 _Yes, take the kids with you_ , Claire thought. She almost felt like cutting in line at the bar to help her relax, but she reconsidered, deciding she’d rather have a straight head on her shoulders when she talked to her father. She pushed through the crowd and away from her family, struggling to reach Jay just as Mitchell did.

“Hi Dad, Mitchell!” Claire said. “Congratulations, Mitchell. That was so touching.”

“Thanks, Claire,” Mitchell said. “Dad?”

“I was an ass,” Jay explained. “That was the loveliest wedding I’ve ever been to, including my wedding to Gloria. I hope you can forgive me.”

“It’s fine, Dad. Water under the bridge,” Mitchell said.

* * *

_“I was giving the toast,” Jay tells me. “I worked it out with Cam’s family. It was going to be a surprise to Mitchell and an apology. And boy, did I have a good one. I just needed to make sure he wasn’t still mad at me.”_

* * *

“That’s good to hear, Mitchell,” Jay said. “So we’re good?”

Mitchell pondered this for a moment but smiled. “Oh, Dad. I can’t stay mad at you.”

“That’s my boy,” Jay said, giving Mitchell a hug. “Now, Claire, you were giving me the stink eye up there,” he said, changing the spotlight a little too loudly for Claire’s liking. “You feeling alright?”

“Claire, is something wrong?” Mitchell asked.

“Oh, God. Mitchell, I don’t want to make this about me,” Claire said. “I just wanted to run something by Dad real quick.”

“Okay, that’s fine,” Mitchell said. “I’ll go find the guys from work. Cam’s with his family right now and I don’t want to feel like the odd one out.”

“Cam’s family loves you,” Claire said affectionately, “just as much as we love Cam. Right, Dad?”

“Of course,” Jay said, but as Mitchell hugged his father and sister and walked away, Jay rocked his hand back and forth.

“Dad, try to behave,” Claire said under her breath.

“I’m kidding!” Jay exclaimed. “Now, what’s up with you? You looked like you were going to pass out when they were reading their vows.”

“You know,” Claire said uneasily. “It reminded me of Phil and me and when we decided to get married.”

“You mean elope,” Jay said. “And I think I know what you’re talking about now.” He leaned closer to Claire and whispered in her ear. “I never told a soul about it, not even your mother or Gloria. I know how tough it was to make that choice, and as uncomfortable as I sometimes am around Phil, I know how much you love him, and I wouldn’t want it to fall apart, not after all this time.”

“I get it, Dad,” Claire said and then huffed. “I just felt so guilty up there, listening to them talking about being faithful. It kept reminding me of the whole thing and I was starting to feel a little nauseous.”

“I understand, Claire Bear,” Jay said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“Oh, Dad,” Claire said. “You haven’t called me ‘Claire Bear’ since I was a little girl.”

“It seemed fitting,” Jay said. “Hey, if you ever feel uncomfortable about the whole thing, I’m just a phone call away. I told you then, and I’m telling you now, you don’t have to go through this alone.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Claire said, putting her hand on top of her father’s and smiling.

* * *

_“Hearing Dad be that supportive was a load off my mind,” Claire says, “but it didn’t last very long, because Mitchell came back. Then…things got a bit heated.”_

* * *

_“I knew something was up with Claire,” Mitchell says, “but I wasn’t going to get involved if I could help it. It sounded pretty serious, and I didn’t know what to expect when I went back over there.”_

* * *

“Oh, you two,” Mitchell said, suddenly appearing out of nowhere. Claire stepped back from Jay and Jay removed his hand from his daughter’s shoulder.

“Oh, geez,” Mitchell said, “don’t pretend you’re not being affectionate for my sake.” He took a look at Claire, who was staring at the floor and rubbing her neck. “You feeling okay, Claire? You’re white as a ghost.”

“I’m fine, Mitchell,” Claire said, staring at Jay and pleading for help with her eyes.

“Did the guys at work give you a hard time?” Jay asked Mitchell.

“They were very congratulatory, actually,” Mitchell said. “Then they talked about us bringing toys to the honeymoon.”

“Ah, geez,” Jay said with a smile. “I got some of that from the guys at the club.”

“Typical male lawyers,” Mitchell said. “I swear they got themselves drunk as soon as they left the ceremony.” Mitchell looked at his sister again. “Claire, are you sure you’re all right?”

“Yes,” Claire said with a look of desperation in her eyes. “No,” she confessed. “Mitchell, it’s hard for me to see you and Cam so happy when the ‘ceremony’ Phil and I had was so…rushed.”

“I remember being your witness,” Mitchell said. “You almost looked desperate to get hitched. I thought that was just because you were madly in love with him, but you’re telling me otherwise now and I’m not sure what to think.”

“The truth is,” Claire said, “something happened that made us rush into things, and it wasn’t comfortable for either of us, especially not me.”

“Well, yeah,” Mitchell said. “You were pregnant with Haley. I’m sure that must have been hard.”

“Claire, are you sure you want to tell him about this?” Jay asked. Mitchell now looked distraught.

“Tell me about what?” he asked. “Claire, did something else happen that I don’t know about?”

“Um…well, yes,” Claire said sheepishly, biting her lip. “I…I screwed up, Mitchell, and it wasn’t a good way for things to start between Phil and me.”

“Well what happened?” Mitchell asked.

“Claire?” Jay added. Claire looked at him and his face was like stone. She turned to Mitchell and saw the look of worry that reminded her so much of their mother.

* * *

_“This was getting ugly real fast,” Jay says. “I knew Claire was going to tell Mitchell what happened. Twenty years is too long to keep something like that secret from your brother. I just hoped Mitchell wouldn’t overreact.”_

* * *

“Okay,” Claire said. “Do you remember Professor Cooke?”

“That sleaze?” Mitchell asked. “Yeah, that jerk was all over you like a cheap suit. I thought you were done with him after you graduated.”

“Well…not exactly,” Claire said. Mitchell glanced around nervously to make sure no one else from the immediate family was around.

“What are you talking about?” he hissed. “You mean you were still seeing him after you left school?”

“Yeah, for a little while,” Claire said coyly.

“How long’s a little while, Claire?” Jay prompted her.

“Well, I finally broke things off with him in March of ’93,” Claire said.

“March…” Mitchell mouthed to himself. “But you met Phil right after you graduated, and that was in May.”

“Well, to be fair, I didn’t start dating him until August,” Claire said.

“That’s still an overlap of eight months, Claire!” Mitchell hissed.

“Oh, don’t act so high and mighty about it,” Claire growled. “You don’t know how pushy he was.”

“I think we’re getting sidetracked,” Jay said, putting a hand on his children’s shoulders. “Claire, why don’t you just say what you need to? Rip it off like a Band Aid.”

“Okay, _fine_ ,” Claire whined. “The thing is, Mitchell, James and I were sleeping together, and we didn’t stop until we broke up, and then nine months later Haley was born. Figure that one out.”

“Claire…oh my God, _Claire_!” Mitchell said, barely able to contain his voice. “Are you saying Professor Cooke _might be Haley’s_ —?”

“I think we’re all caught up now,” Jay interjected. “Yes, Mitchell. The professor might be Haley’s father. Claire realized this about three months in after hesitating to accept Phil’s proposals, and when she figured out she might lose him she finally said yes.”

* * *

_“Remember when I said I was afraid Mitchell would react badly?” Jay asks me solemnly. “Let’s just say I was right.”_

* * *

“Jesus, Claire!” Mitchell shouted.

“ _Will you be quiet?_ ” Claire asked. “This is why I didn’t tell anyone but Dad. I knew you’d freak out about this.”

“Well, do you blame me?” Mitchell asked. “Your whole,” he looked around and lowered his voice, “your whole marriage is based on a lie. What is a brother supposed to think?”

“Hey, Mitchell,” Jay said, “what do you think a _father’s_ supposed to think? I took it worse than you did. It’s a wonder Dede didn’t find out. But Claire loves Phil, and no matter how it started, they’ve been happy together for over twenty years. Do you expect her to throw all that away?”

“You divorced Mom,” Mitchell reminded Jay.

“I was never happy with her,” Jay said. Mitchell looked taken aback. “Sorry to offend your sensibilities, but Mommy and I didn’t get along. I worked long hours and drank too much. She was lonely and sleeping with other guys.”

“Dad!” Mitchell hissed.

“No, it’s about time you knew the truth about your parents.”

“Maybe it’s time for Haley to learn the truth about hers.”

“Mitchell!” Claire whispered. “If you tell anyone else about any of this, I will throttle you! You can’t breathe a word to anyone, not even Cam. Understand?”

Mitchell looked ready to wring Claire’s neck, but he sighed and his expression calmed.

“Fine,” he said, “but only because it’s really none of my business. It’s between you and Phil, and I’m not going to destroy your marriage while trying to start my own.”

“Oh, Mitchell!” came a singsong voice that could only be from one person. Cam worked his way to his husband, holding a glass of wine in one hand and grabbing Mitchell by the arm with the other.

“My family’s just dying to see you,” he said, then took a look at the three distraught Pritchetts. 

“Everything okay here?”

“We’re fine, Cam,” Jay said. “Go be with your husband.”

“Will do!” Cam cheered. Mitchell looked sadly at Claire as Cam dragged him away. Claire and Jay gave each other a look and then turned away.

“There you are, honey!” Phil called. “I got you the food. Look, the kids are here, too. Oh, hi, Jay!”

“How’s it going?” Jay asked curtly. Phil smiled, oblivious to the solemn expressions on the faces of his wife and his father-in-law.

“Alex, honey, you’re eating like a bird,” Claire said. “Look at how much Luke has on his plate, and you have so little.”

“Mom, she’s on some kind of crusade,” Haley complained.

“It is _not_ a crusade!” Alex whined. “I am becoming a vegan. I need to watch my weight. I look _hideous_ in this dress!”

“Alex, you’re beautiful,” Claire said, pinching her cheek.

“Mom, stop,” Alex said with a huff.

“Oh, give me a break,” Haley said. “You’re only doing this so you can impress Corey Williams.”

“That’s not true!” Alex yelled, but her quickly growing blush said more than her protesting ever could.

“Who’s Corey?” Claire asked.

“Just a boy from school,” Alex muttered.

“He’s great, Claire,” Phil said. “I’ve seen him around. Great guy. Alex really likes him.”

“Do not,” Alex moaned, but her blush got even worse, if that was possible.

“Gross,” Luke grumbled.

“You’re one to talk, Mr. ‘I’m in love with Betty Davidson,’” Alex teased.

“You promised not to say anything!” Luke growled.

“Oh? And who’s Betty?” Claire asked.

“Just some girl,” Luke muttered.

“Betty is the captain of the cheerleaders,” Alex said. “She’s a _senior_.”

“Lay off, Alex!” Luke whined.

“You know if she sleeps with you, it’s considered statutory rape according to the state of California.”

“Alex, don’t tease your brother,” Claire scolded. “I think it’s cute Luke likes a girl. Is she pretty?”

“She looks like you, Mom,” Alex said snidely.

“She does not!” Luke groaned with a grimace.

“She has blonde hair and hazel eyes, just like Mom,” Alex teased.

“Oh my God, Alex, you’re such a creep.”

“You’re the creep, Mama’s Boy.”

“That’s enough,” Claire said, taking a bite of the cheese and crackers Phil had gotten her. She grimaced and looked haughtily at Phil.

“You know I don’t like Brie,” she complained.

“Really? I thought that was white cheddar,” Phil muttered.

“It’s fine, Phil. I’ll make Alex eat it. She loves Brie.”

“Mom, weren’t you listening?” Alex asked. “I’m a vegan now! I can’t consume any dairy products!”

“Oh, just eat the damn cheese,” Haley snapped.

“I can’t!” Alex stared at the creamy white block of cheese on the buttery cracker and snatched it with a grimace. She took a bite and melted as the cheese melted in her mouth.

“There we go,” Haley said.

“Damn it, Haley. This isn’t good for my diet!”

* * *

_“Well, **that** didn’t last long,” Alex says, reflecting on the wedding._

“ _She’s a sucker for cheese,” Haley adds, messing up Alex’s hair._

“ _I still have a weight problem,” Alex tells Haley._

“ _Better than the anorexia I had,” Haley quips._

“ _What?”_

“ _Kidding! Kidding,” Haley says. “Geez, you’re so uptight.”_

“ _Don’t joke about that!” Alex complains. “I know a girl who’s bulimic. It’s not funny.”_

_I clear my throat to remind the feuding girls I’m still in the room._

“ _Oh, um…” Alex says. “Yeah. Don’t tell Jenny I said she was bulimic.”_

“ _He didn’t know it was Jenny,” Haley whispers harshly._

“ _Oh my God,” Alex says, covering her mouth. “Don’t tell Jenny I told you it was Jenny who was bulimic.”_

* * *

“Alex, you look fine. If Corey doesn’t think you’re pretty enough to date, it’s his loss.”

“Haley’s right,” Claire said. “You’d make quite the catch. Smart, funny, full of pep. Just make sure you marry a boy going to medical school.”

“Corey wants to be an engineer,” Alex explained.

“Good enough for me!” Claire cheered.

“Are you sure, Claire?” Phil asked. “I’d prefer she marry a realtor.”

“Oh, Dad…” Alex said sweetly. The family started laughing. They suddenly heard a clinking noise from the front of the lobby. The Dunphys looked over to see Jay holding up a glass and tapping it with a spoon. Gloria was by his side, smiling as though she was modeling a new car at a game show.

“I want to propose a toast,” Jay said when he was given a microphone. “Mitchell, Cam, I may have been a little rough on you at first. We’ve had our ups and downs over the years, but I’ve never been more proud of my son than I am right now. My first marriage didn’t work out, boys. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Mitchell, make sure you find the time to give Cam and Lily all your love. Cam, I hope you’re always there for my son, even when he’s being neurotic or a little snobby.”

Mitchell rolled his eyes, but Cam put his arm around him and Mitchell smiled.

“Look, I won’t drag this out longer than it has to be,” Jay said. “I’m sure your arms are getting tired. I just want to take this moment to tell my son I’m sorry, and that I wish him all the best. To Cam and Mitchell!”

“Hear, hear!” the crowd cried, and everyone took a drink.

* * *

_“That meant so much to me,” Mitchell admits, “to hear my dad give a toast. Yes, it was short, but that’s just Dad being Dad. It came from the heart and it showed me that he really was sorry and he wished Cam and me all the best.”_

“ _I think my dad was a little disappointed he couldn’t give the toast,” Cam adds, “but after he heard it, he told me he couldn’t have said it better himself. It was then I knew that Jay was going to be a wonderful father-in-law.”_

* * *

_“I was so proud of Jay!” Gloria tells me, sitting with Jay and patting him on the chest. “He was so eloquent, and his toast was full of amor.”_

“ _Well,” Jay adds, “it was okay.”_

“ _Okay?” Gloria asks him. “It was beautiful! You saw how happy your son was when he was listening to it. And Cam loved it, too.”_

“ _What can I say?” Jay says with a sheepish grin. “Most of the time I strike out. Sometimes I hit a grand slam.”_

* * *

“Dad, thank you so much!” Mitchell said, hugging his father. “I had no idea you were giving the toast!”

“I knew,” Cam said. “We worked it out with my family.”

“Yeah,” Jay affirmed. “I felt pretty bad about the fight we got in just before the wedding, and I knew I had to do something to make it up to you. It was actually Cam’s idea.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Cam said. “He’s just being modest. The idea was all his.”

* * *

_“Actually,” Manny explains to me, “it was mine.” He rolls his eyes. “What would Jay do without me?”_

“ _Oh, Manny, it’s so good of you to let him take the credit for your idea,” Gloria tells him, messing up his hair and giving him a kiss on the cheek._

“ _What can I say?” Manny says with a smile. “I’m a humble man. The hero doesn’t ask for recognition, he just does for his fellow man and is gone without a trace.”_

* * *

“Well, thanks again, Dad,” Mitchell said. “I’ll remember this during the honeymoon.”

“Well…” Jay said, looking squeamish. “Make sure you’re not thinking about me too much when you’re…ahem.”

Cam started giggling like a schoolgirl. Mitchell blushed, and Jay patted him on the back.

* * *

_“I was so glad for Mitchell,” Claire explains to me. “Really. It was a beautiful wedding, and it’s going to be a lovely marriage. I just don’t know what’s going to happen to mine.”_

* * *

“You have to tell him,” Mitchell said after finding Claire and pulling her aside.

“Mitchell,” Claire whined, but then she sighed. “You’re right, you’re right, damn you. It’s going to break his heart, though.”

“It has to be done,” Mitchell said. “I lied all my life to you and the rest of my family about being gay. It was so hard for me to keep it a secret. Ever since I was eight, I knew, and the guilt and shame when I realized it tortured me for ten years. You’ve been living with it for twice as long, and it’s time to let it go, no matter the consequences.”

* * *

_“I knew he was right, of course,” Claire says, “but how am I going to bring this up to Phil? ‘Honey, you know I love you, but you know our first child, the reason we got married in the first place? She might not be yours!’” Claire laughs nervously and then gazes down sadly. “What am I going to do? Can you help me?”_

“ _I’m just here to observe,” I tell her._

“ _Of course,” Claire says. “Well, I guess we’ll have to wait and see. I just hope it doesn’t break his heart…”_


	2. Claire's First Therapy Session

_“Needless to say,” Claire explains, “I had a lot on my mind after the wedding. I was lying awake in bed, unable to sleep, when I realized I might need some professional help. It hit me out of nowhere and immediately felt like the right thing to do. I mean, I sent Luke to therapy, Alex sent herself to therapy, Haley…well, she’s never been to therapy, but she’ll have to if she ever finds out about this. So I figured why can’t the mom of the household use some therapy, too?_

_“My only problem is Phil,” Claire whispers. “He doesn’t believe in therapy, and he’s never explained why. He pulled Luke out of it and only reluctantly accepted when Alex started going, and if he finds out I’m going, he’s going to think it’s all about him and how he hasn’t been there for me as a husband. Well,” she says, glancing around as if to make sure Phil wasn’t within earshot, “maybe he has a reason to be paranoid. So, I had to come up with a lie to explain why I was going to be gone for an hour.”_

* * *

“I’m going to the gym!” Claire called out from the hall as she carried a gym bag out of the house. Phil joined her from the kitchen and smiled, shaking his head.

“You’re going to the gym dressed like _that_?” he asked. Claire was wearing khaki pants, a blue blouse, and scandalously high heeled shoes that would have made even Haley cringe.

“I’ll change when I get there,” Claire explained.

Phil stood there smiling for a moment. Claire thought his gears were whirring, but she thought maybe she was just being paranoid.

“Have fun, honey,” Phil said, pulling his wife in for an embrace and a kiss on the forehead.

“I’ll be back to make dinner,” Claire said as she hustled out the door.

“After working out at the gym? Nonsense. I’ll take care of dinner tonight. You just enjoy yourself.”

“Oh, babe,” Claire said, giving Phil a kiss on the lips. “Thanks. Love you.”

“Love you, too, Claire.”

Claire was sighing as she left the house, relieved that Phil had let her go so easily and thrilled at the unexpected offer for him to take care of dinner.

* * *

_“He’s such a good husband,” Claire tells me, “you know, when he’s not being an idiot. He takes care of me and the kids when I’m losing my mind. He won’t hesitate to reschedule a showing if, say, Luke has a soccer game. The girls always lean on him to talk about their boy troubles. I usually get nosey and freak out too much to be a help to them, but he’s always so supportive and he’s a great listener. He’ll listen to me bitch about all my little problems and he never gets impatient or snippy. I’m so lucky to have him for a husband.” Claire sighs, looking away. “I just wish I would have realized that from the start.”_

* * *

_“Did I think Claire was going to the gym?” Phil asks. “Absolutely not. You don’t dress like that when you’re going to the gym. But I can tell that look on her face when she needs some Claire time and take care of something personal. I wasn’t going to bring it up, so I let her go without pestering her and trying to find out what it was.” He looks at me and smiles, resting his arm on the back of the couch._

_“I know I don’t have to question her because she’s never given me a reason not to trust her. Well…yes, there was that college reunion with one of her professors, but that was just me being paranoid and jealous. Claire had her head on straight, and that’s when I knew she’d never try to hide something from me. We have that trust that a lot of married couples don’t have.”_

_I was starting to feel uncomfortable, having heard everything Claire’s been confessing to me all this time. Phil, as usual, was oblivious of my discomfort._

* * *

Claire was racing down the road towards Dr. Theodore Sampson’s office. She had driven past there the other day so she’d know where to find it, but traffic was making her run late.

“For God’s sake,” she muttered, “where’s everyone going? It’s a Thursday afternoon!” Claire stared at the clock on her dashboard and sped up.

A car in the intersecting road came barreling towards the stop sign. Claire was afraid he wouldn’t stop and swerved out towards the left lane of the road, honking her horn. When she got past, she rubbed her temple and took a breath before driving at a more reasonable speed.

Finally, she had arrived at the office. She quickly parked in the lot and, leaving the gym bag in the car, she marched up to the entrance of the office and into the reception area. She found the secretary, a younger man with horn-rimmed glasses.

“Checking in?” he asked, giving her a winning smile. Claire rolled her eyes; she was used to this kind of attention from men his age, and she really wasn’t in the mood.

“I’m meeting with Dr. Sampson at three,” she said swiftly. The secretary typed in a few things on his computer and found the schedule.

“Claire Dunphy?” he asked. “Didn’t you run for city council three years ago?”

“Yes, that was me,” Claire said, putting a hand on her chest. “Never again.”

“I thought you were a great candidate,” he offered with a big grin. “I voted for you.”

“I appreciate that,” Claire said, her eyes shifting around the waiting room. “Is there somewhere specific I should sit?”

“Oh, excuse me,” the secretary apologized. “Any of those seats right over there. He’ll be right out.”

“Thanks,” Claire said. She walked briskly towards the furthest chair from the desk.

“You’re welcome!” he called, waving to her. Claire smiled, but then turned away and grimaced.

* * *

_“I really wasn’t in the mood to be hit on,” Claire explains. “Not that I think that’s what he was doing, but he was being a bit friendlier than most people.” She looked out the window of her living room. “Maybe I was just being sensitive. Maybe he was just trying to be nice. I was just trying to focus on what I wanted to say to Dr. Sampson.”_

* * *

“Claire Dunphy?” called a man in a suit, presumably the doctor, as he stepped out of the hall.

“That’s me,” she said, waving to him and approaching him swiftly. “Claire,” she said, offering her hand.

“Dr. Sampson,” he replied, shaking her hand firmly. “You have a strong handshake,” he said with a smile, leading her down the hall towards his office. Claire followed, trying to wipe the smile off her face.

* * *

_“He reminded me so much of Professor Cooke!” she explains, staring me down and speaking urgently. “The full head of hair, the chiseled jaw. I thought ‘What is this guy. His cousin?’” She takes a deep breath to center herself. “But I couldn’t let myself get distracted. I wasn’t there to rehash old memories… Oh wait, that’s exactly what you do in therapy.” Claire chuckles and then bites her lip, looking off to the side. “This had the potential to be awkward.”_

* * *

“Make yourself comfortable,” Dr. Sampson said, indicating the leather couch where Claire was to sit. She sat down and looked around the room. There were bookshelves lined with all kinds of thick volumes with titles she barely understood. There was an area rug on the floor with intricate patterns that looked like it had come from a Latin American country. The couch was situated in front of wide windows that let in plenty of sunshine.

Dr. Sampson sat down in a chair facing her and smiled at her. Claire smiled back but then looked away.

“Why don’t we start by talking about your family?” Dr. Sampson suggested. Claire was waiting for him to bring out a notepad.

“Um…” she mumbled.

“Something wrong?” Dr. Sampson asked.

“Aren’t you going to write any of this down?” Claire asked sheepishly, looking around the room. “Isn’t that how this works?”

Dr. Sampson chuckled. “Maybe with some therapists, but not with me. I prefer to just listen to my clients and take in what they have to say. I write my notes in between sessions for reference later, but most of it I keep up here.” He pointed to his noggin.

Claire smiled nervously and bounced back and forth on the couch. “Well…my family’s a big part of the reason I’m here.”

“I know,” he said. “You told me this when we were arranging to meet over the phone. But before we get into the details of why your family is causing you so much anxiety, let’s find out who they are.”

“Well, I have three beautiful children,” Claire explained, staring at the rug on the floor and studying the intricate patterns woven into the fabric. “Haley’s the oldest at twenty, and she’s a gorgeous young woman, if not the brightest. But she’s full of passion and has a big heart. I don’t know what she’s going to do with herself at this point in her life, and I worry about her future, but she’s clever enough to adapt to anything that’s thrown her way.

“Then we have Alex. She’s sixteen, the middle child. Brilliant student, even more brilliant with sarcasm. There’s a bit of a bite to her personality, but she’s an ambitious young woman and she’s going to have a bright future without question. Did you know she had a meltdown her last birthday and then arranged to see a therapist? She figured out transportation there and back and everything. My husband and I didn’t have to lift a finger.”

“I see,” Dr. Sampson said. “What was the meltdown about?”

“She’s so neurotic,” Claire said apologetically, “especially about her studies. She has no reason to be, the girl’s her class salutatorian and she’ll have taken eight AP classes by the time she graduates next year. Well, at her party, we told her to relax and put the books away so she could enjoy her cake. She stuffs her hand into the cake and shovels it out, making a whole mess of the place, and then she storms off.”

“Well, that certainly tells me a lot about her priorities,” he said. “And the youngest?”

“Oh, Luke…” Claire said, and she had a look of worry on her face. “He’s just like his father. We were afraid for a while both men in our family had ADHD. He shows occasional signs of brilliance, but most of the time he’s got these weird quirks that might be a bit off-putting to the other kids in his class. I really worry about what’s going to happen to him…”

“I see,” the doctor said. “So, those are your children.”

“My babies,” Claire said with a beaming smile. “Love them so much.”

“And what about their father?”

“‘Their’ father?” Claire asked. “Um…that’s actually the reason I’m here.”

“Oh?”

“Let’s just say for now that he’s fathered all three of my children, so he’s their father.”

Dr. Sampson made a mental note of this strange exchange.

“So, Phil…” Claire said with a nervous smile. “I love him so much. We eloped about twenty years ago because of a pregnancy scare.”

“I take it that was Haley,” Dr. Sampson said.

“Yep, that’s right,” Claire explained. “He’s so…goofy. Like, I know, that’s a terrible first word to use to describe your husband, but that’s really a big part of his personality. Luke is definitely his boy, and Haley and Alex are my girls.” Claire clapped nervously. “Sorry, I’m getting sidetracked.” She cleared her throat and continued.

“Phil’s a quirky guy for sure, but he’s so kind and supportive. He always tells me how lucky he is to have me and how much he loves me. He’s always picking me up when I fall, which is usually my job, but he’s my rock. He’s so calm under pressure, he’s the eternal optimist against my cynicism, and he just does little things every day to tell me he loves me.”

“What kinds of things are those?”

“Just today,” Claire said. “He doesn’t believe in therapy, so I told him I was going to the gym and would be back to make dinner. He told me not to worry about the dinner, he’d take care of it.” She rolled her eyes. “How much you want to bet I come home to takeout Chinese?”

Dr. Sampson chuckled, and Claire smiled and laughed. She looked at him directly, but his gaze made her squirm and she turned away.

“Something wrong?” Dr. Sampson asked. Claire looked back up at him and blushed.

“You remind me of a guy I once dated,” Claire admitted, taken aback by her own honesty.

* * *

_“What was I doing?” Claire asks me. “I’ve barely started talking to the guy, and I’m **flirting** with him? No, no, maybe that’s not what it was. It was the way I said it, it was just so…” She sighs. “He reminds me of Professor Cooke, who reminds me of this whole situation, which really makes me feel unsettled. So, I guess it was only a matter of time before the main problem came out.”_

* * *

“Who is this man you’re talking about?” Dr. Sampson asked.

“Well, Doctor,” Claire began, but he held out his hand.

“‘Doctor’ implies you’re my patient,” he explained. “I like to treat therapy as more of a support system, almost like I’m your mentor. Feel free to call me Ted.”

“Ted,” Claire said, getting used to the word. “Oh, but that makes it even weirder.”

“How so?”

“This guy I dated, he was…well, he was one of my college professors, but he insisted I call him Jim. We compromised and I called him James. It felt formal without reminding us of what we were doing and how…you know, how inappropriate it was.”

“He was your professor,” Ted reiterated. “Were you seeing him while you were his student?”

“No, no,” Claire said, shaking her head adamantly. “It was after I had taken classes with him. We were both adults. It was…maybe it was a little questionable, but we didn’t feel like we were doing anything wrong.”

“These kinds of relationships happen more often than you might think,” Ted explained. “My worry is about the imbalance of power. Did you feel like you had to do what he told you? That if he asked you for things, you had to bend over backwards to help him?”

Claire put a hand on her forehead, and a few stray tears fell down her cheeks. “You could say that happened literally.”

“Literally bending your back,” Ted responded. “Claire, what kind of things did he ask you to do?”

Claire looked at Ted with such fear in her eyes that he was afraid he had touched upon something personal too soon. Claire suddenly rose from the couch and made towards the door. Ted stood up and blocked her way.

“I don’t want to be here right now,” Claire said.

“I know,” Ted said, “and usually I would say it’s your session and that you have every right to walk out if you’re feeling uncomfortable. But if I let every client of mine who was feeling a little nervous about revealing something leave the office, I wouldn’t have much of a practice. So I am asking you to fight through your discomfort and trust me, even though you barely know me. I’m here to help you, and this is a safe place. I won’t breathe a word of our conversations to anyone unless I fear you’re in danger of hurting yourself or someone else. Then I’m required by law. Does that make sense?”

Claire sighed, nodded, and went back to the couch. She took out some lipstick and put it on nervously.

* * *

_“I clearly had no idea at the time what I was getting into,” Claire explains. “Fifteen minutes in, and we’re about to address the central problem, the whole reason I’m in therapy in the first place. I thought it would take weeks to get to this point, and here we were in session number one with me bearing my deepest, darkest secrets to a total stranger!” Her voice cracked at the end, and she laughed nervously. “I suppose I’m grateful for it, though, looking back. If we had dragged this out over weeks, I might not have been able to handle the stress of keeping it a secret from him.”_

* * *

“Okay, might as well just say it!” Claire snapped, remembering her father’s words: _Rip it off like a Band Aid_. She cleared her throat and crossed her arms across her stomach. “Professor Cooke—no, James—he took me out on our first date the semester after I was his student. We got more than a little drunk,” she said, biting her lip, “and one thing led to another, and we slept together in his apartment.”

“Bending over backwards,” Ted repeated. “I see what you mean now.”

“Hopefully not too clearly,” Claire said, chuckling. Ted smiled.

“How long did you see him after that?” Ted asked.

“Oh, God,” Claire said as she reminisced. “I didn’t stop seeing him until March of ’93, so we went out for…oh, God…over two years.”

“Sounded pretty serious,” Ted said, nodding to acknowledge what Claire had told him. “And you were sleeping together all this time?”

“Yes,” Claire said, lowering her head and pressing her hand against her forehead. “He always initiated, but it wasn’t just his doing. I never said no, and I wanted him as much as he wanted me. Well…maybe not _as_ much, but enough to enjoy it.” Claire was blushing now, but Ted smiled.

“We’re making excellent progress,” he assured her. “Your candor is refreshing, especially on our first meeting. So, you were sleeping together on a regular basis. Were you always inebriated when he took you to bed?”

“What do you mean?”

“I want to make sure you were capable of giving consent,” Ted said. “This balance of power between you two is an interesting thing to consider in the context of your relationship.”

“Oh, I consented,” Claire said, staring at the rug on the floor. “Oh yeah…I said yes to a lot of things…maybe more than I should have.”

“Say more,” Ted prompted her.

“More about what?” Claire asked.

“What things did you consent to that you regret?”

“Well…” Claire said, hesitating. “I guess there’s only one thing I consented to that is important, and that’s having sex with him unprotected.”

“Really?” Ted asked. “So you ran the risk of becoming pregnant or infected with an STI.”

“He didn’t have any of those,” Claire said hastily. “But pregnancy…that’s a problem. Especially when I started seeing Phil.”

“Your husband?”

“Yes.”

* * *

_“Oh, my God, I was horrified,” Claire reflects. “I guess after twenty years of bottling this up with Dad as my only outlet, I was just bursting to tell someone. It was like I was sucking venom out of my system, all my fear was coming out at once, and I wasn’t totally equipped to handle that.”_

* * *

“What was it like dating Phil?” Ted asked.

“I liked Phil,” Claire explained, “a lot, and I tried to break things off with James, but every time I tried he would come onto me and I wouldn’t be able to help myself. Phil wanted things from me, too, but I wasn’t going to be one to be having sex with two men at once, so I made him wait.”

“And what was his reaction to that?”

“He never put pressure on me to do anything I wasn’t ready for, and for that I was grateful, and it made me like him even more, and then I got even more confused. I was attracted to James, and I was falling for Phil, and I don’t even know why I was doing any of this.” Claire buried her face in her hands.

“I can see you’re confused,” Ted said, “and to be honest, I’m having a difficult time following. Let me see if I have at least this much straight. You were sleeping with James while dating Phil. You wanted to break things off with James, but until then you weren’t going to sleep with Phil because it would make you feel guilty. Is that all correct?”

“Yes,” Claire said, “but then everything changed.”

“How so?”

“It was February of ’93, and I was having sex with James again, not knowing it would be for the last time. It turned out he was seeing another old student of his. We got into this huge argument and I stormed out of the apartment and directly over to Phil’s place.”

“Did Phil know what was going on?”

“No, he had no idea,” Claire said. “He trusted me with everything, and of course that only made the guilt worse. I was hurting, and I wanted someone to hold me, and Phil was right there. We were drinking some wine he had bought and I was in his arms on the couch. I was angry with James for seeing two people at once, and I did it for payback.”

“Did what for payback?”

“I…well, I slept with Phil.”

“I see,” James said, giving Claire a sad smile. “I can see this is making you distraught.”

“Not even Dad knows about all of this that was going on,” Claire said. “Phil was smarter than James, he had condoms ready and we used protection. I knew then he had far more respect for me than James ever did, and I told him I loved him.”

“How did he react?”

“He was thrilled, said he loved me, too, and then surprised me with tickets to a Duran Duran concert.”

“How was the concert?”

“I hated Duran Duran, but that’s not important,” Claire said. “We…well, we slept together in the back of Phil’s old wagon, but it wasn’t until weeks later that we realized the condom we had used had a tear in it.”

“Why’d it take that long to find that out?”

“Security caught us just as we were finishing and ordered us to leave, so we didn’t have time to throw the condom away, and by the time we made it back to Phil’s place we forgot it was in there. It was only when Phil was cleaning out the wagon did he find the broken condom, but by then it was too late for the morning after pill.”

“Indeed it would have been. But I have a question now. You found out James was cheating on you back in February, but you didn’t officially call it quits until March.”

“He came over to my place early in March with flowers and chocolates, trying to be apologetic. I was angry and I told him that I had been seeing Phil for months behind his back. He was furious and we started shouting at each other, and it wasn’t until we heard the neighbor banging on the wall next door telling us to quiet down did we realize we couldn’t do this anymore. He left, and I never saw him again.

“Well, I had been seeing Phil for eight months, and we’d had sex for one, and that seemed to be enough for Phil to decide he wanted to be with me for the rest of our lives. He proposed to me a week after my last fight with James, and I was so overwhelmed I had to say no.”

Ted was about to ask something, but Claire was talking so fast that he didn’t have a chance to respond.

“What Phil didn’t know, and what I hadn’t told him, was that I had taken a pregnancy test and it had come out positive. I was pregnant, and I didn’t know if James or Phil was the father.

“I tried to pretend it was a false positive, but as the months rolled on, I started developing all the symptoms. Cravings, morning sickness, irritability. Phil was proposing to me all this time, but I wasn’t ready to admit that it was time to settle down and have a family. But then he put two and two together and asked me if I was pregnant.

“I couldn’t lie to him. I was tired of the lying and the games, so I explained that yes, I was pregnant. We went to the doctor and he told us we were three months along. Phil assumed it had been the broken condom at the Duran Duran concert, and I thought it very well might have, too, but I also knew it was possible that it could have happened with one of James and my nights of unprotected sex.

“Realizing we were about to have a baby, I decided to accept Phil’s proposal and we hurried to elope so we didn’t have to tell our first child someday that we had him or her out of wedlock. We knew we didn’t want that hanging over our child, so we got my brother and his father to be the witnesses and we got married. Five months later, Haley was born, and she was so precious that all the drama from the past two years seemed to melt away. I was more than happy to accept that Phil was my daughter’s father, and I didn’t dare cause any doubt for any of my family.”

Claire finally stopped talking, leaving a silence in the room. Ted’s brain was whirring. Though he was educated, it was tough for even him to keep up with all of the turmoil Claire had been through.

“This secret, though,” he finally said, “this terrible, black secret. Did you keep it to yourself for twenty years, or did you tell someone?”

“I called my dad shortly after Phil and I eloped. He knew I was pregnant, but didn’t understand why I had decided to marry Phil so suddenly. He wasn’t a huge fan of Phil, to say the least, and I realized I had to confess to him the real reason behind our marriage so that he might be a bit more sympathetic to him. I explained to him that Phil might not be my baby’s father.

“I was going to explain the whole story to him, but he said he had heard enough. He didn’t talk to me for weeks, and I couldn’t tell Phil why I was upset about that. It was torture until Dad called me and told me he understood why the hurry and that my secret was safe with him. I remember him saying ‘I don’t know who this other asshole is, but I know you love Phil, and he’s going to make a great father for your daughter.’ That was one of the few times he ever gave Phil a compliment, and when I told Phil that, he was thrilled. That seemed to calm things. Phil was confident that he was welcome in the family, I was relieved that I didn’t have to hold this secret alone, and Dad was able to support me when I was feeling guilty. It made things between Phil and me far less chaotic, and we were ready to raise Haley when she came in October.”

“Well, I can safely say I see why you’re here,” Ted said, after a contemplative silence. “You may have had your father to support you, but you’ve told no one else about the possibility Phil isn’t Haley’s father, especially not Phil and Haley. You told me your brother’s wedding was bringing up a lot of turmoil, and I take it their wedding reminded you of the circumstances behind your elopement, and now the burden of hiding this secret from your family for twenty years is overwhelming you now.”

“You could say that,” Claire said, a tear falling down her cheek. “Doctor—”

“Ted.”

“Yes, Ted,” Claire said with a light chuckle, “I know what I have to do to make this right, but I’m afraid it’s going to tear my family apart. Do you think I should tell them the truth?”

Ted folded his hands and looked at Claire carefully. “I don’t think you’re ready to reveal that kind of information,” he said. “There’s a lot of pain and confusion here that you should work through before you’ll be strong enough to help your husband with the inevitable anger and confusion he’s going to feel. And your daughter…your daughter will find it even harder to take. Let’s keep this in here for now and work on your unresolved emotions together before you decide to make this confession.”

“But you do think I should confess at some point?”

“I hesitate to say this now,” Ted said, wringing his hands, “but I believe your guilt and pain will not be assuaged until you make this confession. Of course, this is going to bring about great changes in your life that you might not be prepared for, but the guilt of hiding this secret any longer may drive you away from Phil and your children, whereas if you make this confession and work on healing your relationship, you will have a chance to save your family. Does that make sense?”

“No,” Claire said honestly, “but I understand now’s not the time to confess. Should I tell Dad about any of this?”

“Only if you feel comfortable,” Ted advised. “I understand why you might want your father’s support, but I think you need to handle your emotions with a professional first and foremost. You don’t have to say anything to him about our work here, but if you want to let him in a bit on the events leading to this decision to elope with Phil, it might help him understand you better and become a stronger support as a result.

“It looks as though we’re out of time,” Ted said, looking at the clock on the wall. “Time flew by quite quickly, if I do say so myself.”

“It’s been fifty minutes already?” Claire asked. “Wow, this is insane.”

“Not insane, just complicated,” Ted said. Claire smiled, rose from the couch, and shook Ted’s hand.

“You can arrange our next appointment with Chad up front,” Ted said. “You can make your payment with him as well.”

“Thank you,” Claire said. She walked briskly out of the office and ran a hand through her hair as she approached the reception desk.

“Can I see your insurance card?” Chad asked as Claire approached him. Claire fished it out of her wallet, and he entered in the information. Unlike when she had come in, Chad was not joking around or flirting with Claire, and she wasn’t sure whether to feel relieved or disappointed.

“Okay, your copay is twenty dollars,” he said. Claire handed him her debit card, and he ran it through quickly and returned it to her.

“Sign here,” he said when the receipt printed out. Claire’s signature was swift and a bit shaky.

“Now,” Chad said, taking the receipt and giving Claire her copy, “did you want to set up an appointment for next week?”

“Yes, I would,” Claire said with a nervous grin.

“How about same time and place, next Thursday at 3?”

“That should work,” Claire said, looking around to see when she could get out of here.

“Okay, you’re penciled in. Would you like a card?”

“Sure,” Claire said. Chad picked out a card with Dr. Sampson’s information. He jotted down the date and time of the meeting and gave it to Claire.

“See you next week,” he said with a smile, which helped Claire feel a little better.

“Thank you, Chad,” Claire said. Chad smiled as Claire marched out of the office and towards her car.

* * *

_“My head was spinning so fast,” Claire said. “I hadn’t thought that hard about what happened in years, and it all came flooding back at once in a way I didn’t expect. I was afraid it would be so forefront on my mind that I’d blurt everything to Phil the moment I got home, but I kept it to myself.”_

* * *

Claire pulled into her driveway and entered the house. She could smell the takeout Chinese she had predicted would come and saw Phil and her children sitting at the kitchen table waiting for her.

“It’s a bit early for dinner, isn’t it guys?” Claire asked, taking her seat next to Phil and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“Figured you’d be hungry after your workout,” Phil said cheerily. “Besides, the kids smelled the food and almost started eating without you.”

“It looks great,” Claire said. Phil handed her the order she always made: chicken lo mein with pork fried rice and extra duck sauce. The Dunphy family wasted no time in digging in.

“So how was your workout?” Phil asked through a mouthful of dumplings.

“It was a workout, all right,” Claire said nervously. Phil smiled and took another hefty bite of dumplings.

* * *

_“She looked really uptight,” Phil says to me, “like, more uptight than she normally is. I knew it wasn’t gym related, but I didn’t want to confront her and find out what was wrong. Besides, I figured I knew a way to make her relax, but I can’t explain it, because it’s a little PG-13!” Phil chuckles and I smile sheepishly._

* * *

_“I can tell right away when Phil wants to have sex,” Claire tells us. “Given the amount of trouble sex has gotten me in the past, and that all that trouble got brought up again today, I was in absolutely no mood. So when we went up to bed, I had to find a way to let him down easy.”_

* * *

“The workout really was exhausting,” Claire said in response to Phil’s lascivious stare that looked goofy more than anything else, “and I have a headache. Maybe tomorrow.”

“Ah, the headache!” Phil said, a hint of frustration in his voice well masked by his jovial facade. “The classic reason for a wife to not get it on with her mate.” His smile seemed more genuine now. “It’s okay, honey,” he said, tucking himself into bed next to her. “It’ll be worth the wait.”

“It always is,” Claire said with a wink. She kissed her husband gently on his forehead.

“Night, Phil,” she said, turning out the lamp on her nightstand and shutting her eyes.

“Night, Claire,” Phil responded, turning out his own light and lying down comfortably.

“Love you,” Claire said, but Phil was already asleep. Claire rolled her eyes. Sleep always came so easy to him, and Claire always struggled to calm down enough to fall asleep as well. Now, especially, she was lying awake with her mind spinning.

 _Not dealing with this tonight_ , she thought. She crawled carefully out of bed and into her bathroom to the medicine cabinet. She took out some sleeping pills and popped them quickly before returning to bed and shutting her eyes.

For a while, she was still laying wide awake, reminiscing on the chaos surrounding Haley’s conception. The dosage of the sleeping medication eventually took over her thoughts and caused her to artificially pass out. The last thought she had was that she hoped she didn’t have to make a habit out of taking sleeping pills, all the while realizing that that might be very likely.


	3. Taking a Leap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the chapter with the cringeworthy My Little Pony part. You can skim over that and ignore it if you want, as it adds nothing to the overall story. I just wanted to stay true to what I originally wrote. Thanks for understanding.

Alex barged into her room, where her sister was busy chatting amiably on her cell phone. _She’s probably talking to some guy_ , Alex thought, rolling her eyes.

“Hold on, Tim,” Haley said, covering the phone with her hand and glaring at Alex.

_Knew it!_

“Haley, have you seen my laptop?” Alex barked.

“Ew, no. What would I want with your computer? It’s probably got a bunch of nerdy stuff on it.”

“School assignments are not nerdy! They’re the key to our future! I need that computer for a project!”

Haley sighed. “The world isn’t going to end if you don’t complete one stupid project.”

“Do you realize I’m trying to get into Princeton? It’s my top choice, and they won’t even touch an application of a student without a 4.0 GPA.”

“Please, you’re overreacting,” Haley said. “Go see if Luke has it.” She brought her phone back up to her ear.

“Sorry about that, Tim,” she said, putting on a flirtatious air. “So…what are you wearing?”

“Disgusting,” Alex muttered as she marched out of the room and slammed the door.

* * *

_“As obnoxious as Haley is,” Alex recalls, “she’s probably right about Luke stealing my computer. I just wish she stopped caring about boys and clothes and started concerning herself with her future! Look at her, she’s living in our parents’ house when she should be off at college, she’s got a shitty job at the mall that she only took to get the 20% discount on the clothes, and she talks to a different guy at least once a week.” Alex’s eyes suddenly shoot open. “Oh my God, I sound like Mom.” She put her hand on her forehead and sighed. “When did I turn into Mom?”_

* * *

“Luke!” Alex yelled, banging on his bedroom door. She waited for a response, but there was no sound from his room. A faint murmur was coming from the room, though, so Alex stuck her ear closer to the door and could hear some kind of noise almost like a television show.

“Luke, I know you’re in there!” Alex yelled, banging on the door again. When she got no reply again, she pushed on the door and was surprised to find it open.

“Luke, what are you…why are you using my computer?”

“It’s nothing,” Luke said hastily.

* * *

_“The first thing on my mind was porn, of course,” Alex says with a look of disgust. “Fifteen year old boy, and you can find just about anything on the Internet… Not that I’ve looked! Now, you might be surprised to hear this, but I’m not such a prude that I think porn is gross. It **is** gross that he might have been watching it on **my** laptop. So I rushed over to his bed to get a glimpse of what he was looking at…”_

* * *

“You’re watching My Little Pony?” Alex cried. Luke flipped the laptop closed and glared at his older sister.

“Shut up!” he hissed. “Do you want the whole house to hear?”

“What are you doing watching a little girl’s show?”

“You don’t understand!” Luke protested. “The characters are complex and the writing is sophisticated. It’s a show for all ages.”

“It’s a show about colorful, talking horses, Luke,” Alex combated. “Not exactly something a boy gets excited about.”

“There’s a whole community around it,” Luke whined, “and it’s full of guys my age and older! It’s not weird!”

“No, it is weird,” Alex said with a sneer. “Even for you.”

“Will you two be quiet?” Haley whined, suddenly appearing in the doorway. “Tim heard you guys yelling and said he suddenly got busy and hung up!”

“Sorry to interrupt your phone sex,” Alex said snidely, “but Luke’s watching My Little Pony on my laptop.”

“Seriously? _That’s_ what this about?” Haley groaned. “You two are such babies.”

“I’m not a baby!” Luke protested. “This show transcends its target demographic.”

“Tell him he’s a creep,” Alex said, waving her hand at Luke as if modeling a car.

“Eh, I’ve seen it,” Haley said nonchalantly. “Rarity’s okay, I guess.”

“Are you nuts?” Luke asked, moving the laptop off of his lap and standing up. “Rarity’s so snotty and boring. Rainbow Dash is the awesome one. She can fly at blinding speeds and she’s an athlete and she’s so confident!”

“So basically the opposite of you?” Alex chided.

“Whatever,” Haley said. “Alex, you found your laptop, so just take it and get out of Luke’s room. Luke…just find something else to do.”

“Okay, _Mom_ ,” Luke jibed. “Whatever you say.”

Alex huffed, grabbed the laptop, and stormed out of the room, leaving Haley alone with Luke.

“So you think the show’s okay?” Luke asked.

“Not my thing, but it’s not bad,” Haley replied, patting Luke on the shoulder. “You could do a lot worse.”

Luke grinned goofily, and Haley took her hand off his shoulder.

“Alex is right, though,” she said, “you are a creep.”

“Hey!” Luke cried, but Haley was already out the room and texting. _Probably trying to get Tim back on the phone_ , Luke thought with a grimace.

* * *

_Alex looks nervously around the room. “Okay, don’t tell Luke this, but he had a point about the whole ‘Internet community,’ so I figured something must have been up with the show. So…I looked at one of the episodes, and…Twilight is just like me!” She giggles a bit, but then hears a snicker. She turns and sees Luke leering over her shoulder._

_“Told you it wasn’t weird,” he says. Alex reaches out to slap him, but he pulls away, laughing as he leaves the room. Alex turns back to me and glares._

_“You couldn’t have told me he was right there listening in?” she asks._

_“I’m supposed to be the neutral observer,” I said._

_“Ugh, whatever,” Alex says, throwing up her hands and then folding them across her chest. “Why do we talk to you again?”_

_“Your college fund,” I reply._

_“Oh, yeah…”_

* * *

Claire was downstairs, listening to her children bicker and frowning. Phil walked up behind her and hugged her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

“They certainly can’t stand each other,” Phil said with a chuckle. Claire smiled and held her husband’s cheek, giving his other cheek a small kiss.

“Do you think we should do something?” Claire asked. “I don’t want them mad at each other.”

“They’re siblings!” Phil exclaimed. “They’re always going to fight. Just know that they love each other anyway, and we love them.”

“We sure do,” Claire said, grabbing Phil’s wrists and swaying with him.

* * *

_“You have no idea how afraid I was,” Claire explains. “Phil talking about us loving our children, me knowing that one of ‘our’ children might not be ‘his’ child. It’s strange. For twenty years, I buried it so far down that I could almost pretend it was certain that Phil was the father. Then Mitchell gets married and…all of a sudden that changes. Why?”_

* * *

“I have a question,” Claire said to Ted in his office at their next therapy session.

“Questions are valuable,” he said. “They help us narrow down our work.”

“Right,” Claire said, chuckling. “It’s just, I’ve been able to hold onto this for so long, then all of a sudden my brother gets married and now it’s eating away at me. Why is that?”

Ted smiled. “Well, Claire, I’m your therapist, not a mind reader,” he explained. “Only you know the answer to that. All I can do is help you get there.”

Claire sighed. “You’re right, you’re right. Okay, so…I think it was the vows. They promised to be faithful to each other, and I wasn’t faithful to Phil, and now that’s eating away at me. Maybe…maybe I’m envious of my brother. He has a marriage with no secrets, and I’ve been haunted by one for nearly half my life.” Claire sighed and rubbed between her eyes with her fingers.

“You don’t know for a fact Mitchell’s not hiding something from Cam,” Ted explained, “just as Mitchell had no idea about your secret until you told him. Things aren’t always as they appear on the outside, and you can never judge someone on the surface without really getting to know them. Now, what I’m interested in is how you managed to keep this a secret for twenty years.”

“Um…I don’t know,” Claire said, then she remembered an anecdote. “I used to play house with Mitchell when we were little, and we always said, ‘let’s play pretend we’re married,’ or, ‘let’s play pretend we’re boyfriend and girlfriend.’ Well, it was funny, Mitchell was always the wife and I was the husband. I know obviously that wasn’t going to be true for us someday, but we just pretended it was true and we really believed it, because we were kids and we could use our imagination.

“I…wow, I’m remembering something now,” Claire suddenly realized. “I had just eloped with Phil, and we were sleeping in bed together, and I was awake mulling over this whole mess, and I said to myself, ‘let’s play pretend Phil is Haley’s father.’ And I knew he was going to be a great father, and who was I to ruin that?

“So I shoved it down and tried to forget,” she continued. “I had nightmares about the truth coming out for the first few years, but those eventually went away. The guilt never did, though, and I think it made me more edgy, more uptight.” Claire then frowned and wiped at her eyes.

“I’m not the person I once was,” she said. “I tried to protect my babies so they wouldn’t make the same mistakes I did, wouldn’t have to live with the same guilt. But Haley doesn’t seem to get it. She’s just like I was, and I’m afraid…I’m afraid she’ll make the same mistake I did, or worse…” Tears now started trickling down Claire’s face. Ted said nothing, but reached over to a box of tissues and offered them to Claire. She took them and wiped her eyes.

* * *

_“Yes, it was all starting to come out,” she says. “All the pain, the regret, the fear, it was all bubbling up. And the more it came out, the harder it was to hide from Phil.”_

* * *

Claire had a glass of wine in her hand and was sipping it when Phil came down from the bedroom.

“What are you doing still up?” he asked her. Claire shuddered and turned to face her husband, looking like she had been caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. “And you’re drinking?” he asked, seeing the glass in her hand.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she said.

“I know, we’re constantly getting sleeping pills at the grocery store now,” Phil said. “The wine’s a new one, though. You didn’t…you didn’t take the pills and drink, did you?”

“What kind of person do you think I am, Phil?” Claire asked. “I’m trying to relax, not black out.”

“What’s got you so uptight?” he asked, putting a hand on her arm. Claire didn’t have the energy to pull it away. “It’s summer vacation, I’m selling like crazy, and the family just had a beautiful wedding. What are you afraid of?”

* * *

_“I almost told him right then and there,” Claire explains. “I’m actually not sure why I didn’t. Maybe I wasn’t drunk enough, or maybe there was a part of me that still thought I could play pretend. I didn’t have an answer for him, though, so I did the only thing I could.”_

* * *

Claire set down the glass on the counter and put her head on Phil’s chest, hugging him tightly. She started to sob. Phil stroked her hair and shushed her gently like a baby.

“Claire, I don’t understand,” he said. “What’s brought this on?”

“Oh, you know,” Claire said. “It’s this life, it’s just…Cam and Mitchell have so much to look forward to, raising their little girl, and our kids are almost grown, and I have some regrets. I wish I had enjoyed them more, had more fun times with them, wasn’t just the strict, hyper-controlling, Type A mom. That’s not who I wanted to be, and now that I’m realizing it, it’s too late…”

* * *

_“Actually, that was true,” Claire explains, “but it wasn’t the whole truth. I didn’t tell him why I had become so overbearing. I wasn’t ready to take that step.”_

* * *

Claire and Phil suddenly heard some noise coming from upstairs. They froze, a million different scenarios playing in their minds, the worst of them that an armed burglar was upstairs getting ready to wake the kids.

“Phil, go up there and find out what’s going on,” Claire ordered nervously.

“What, me?” Phil said. “Do I look strong enough to fight off whatever’s up there? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m packing some killer biceps—”

“Not now, Phil,” Claire hissed. “Just…just go check it out.”

They heard someone start moving down the stairs.

“Oh, God, Phil, they’re coming down here!” Claire said in a panic. She started rummaging through the bottom cabinets, making a lot of noise.

“Claire, do you want them to know we’re down here?” Phil asked. “What if they come after us?”

Claire pulled out a frying pan and held it like a bat. Phil winced and Claire lowered her arms.

“Sorry!” she whispered. “Look, I just want to be ready in case we have to defend ourselves.”

There was a sudden loud clattering noise. Phil and Claire recognized it immediately as the broken stair, which a burglar certainly couldn’t have known about.

“Shit!” came a hushed voice, and Claire and Phil recognized it right away.

“It’s Haley,” Claire said, putting the frying pan on the counter and smiling. “It’s Haley!” she suddenly snapped, marching towards the stairway, Phil reluctantly following her.

“And where do you think you’re going at this time of night, young lady?” Claire barked as she glared at Haley from the bottom of the stairs. She was carrying high heel shoes, wearing both a skimpy dress and a look of horrified guilt on her face. She suddenly put on a mask of anger.

“Mom, I’m not sixteen anymore!” she cried. “I should be able to go out whenever I want.”

“Not looking like that, you’re not!” Claire spat. “And you may be an adult now, but you still live in our house and you have to abide by our rules, and one of those rules is definitely not to sneak out at night, probably to meet up with some guy without telling us!”

“ _Ugh_. This is why I didn’t tell you! I knew you’d react like this!”

“React like what? Like a concerned mother who doesn’t want to see her daughter pregnant?”

“Easy, Claire…” Phil warned her softly.

“Oh, like who, Mom? You mean _you_?”

“You were never supposed to hear that message on the answering machine!”

“Well, you’re just a huge hypocrite! You let Dad knock you up and _had_ to marry him. I wonder if you even loved him!”

“Haley Gwendolyn Dunphy, I will not have that kind of language spat in my face! If you talk to me in that tone of voice again—”

“What? You’ll _ground_ me? Like it or not, Mom, _I’m an adult_ , and I’m going to make my own choices.”

“Well, it’s my job to make sure you don’t make the wrong ones.” Claire suddenly turned to Phil. “Back me up, Phil!”

Phil looked at Claire uneasily and cleared his throat. “Haley, listen to your mother,” he said lamely. Claire snorted.

“ _That’s_ all you have to say? This is your daughter! You should be protecting her.”

“For the last time, I’m not a little girl anymore!” Haley cried. “Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

“Unbelievable,” Claire said. She stood at the bottom of the stairs to block Haley from leaving. Haley ran into her and they started shoving at each other. Claire could feel anger building, but she suddenly caught herself and backed off, allowing Haley just enough of an edge to get past her and out the door. Claire and Phil were left watching her leave.

“Haley!” Phil called, running after her in his sweats and slippers. “Haley!”

* * *

_“I was going to go out with him,” Claire explains, “but I knew this was something Phil and Haley had to go through on their own. I’d already done enough damage, and it was my husband’s turn to do clean up.”_

* * *

_“When I saw my little girl leaving,” Phil recalls, “I remembered the wonderful baby girl we brought home from the hospital. She had grown up so fast—too fast, actually—and I just wanted to hold onto the last piece of childhood she had left, where she still needed her daddy.”_

* * *

“Haley, wait,” Phil said, and to his surprise, Haley actually stopped, but she didn’t turn around.

“I know it looks bad to Claire to see you sneaking out of the house,” he said to her back, “but maybe you have a good reason. I won’t make any assumptions until I hear you out.”

Haley sighed, her shoulders slumping. “There’s this guy I’ve been talking to. His name’s Tim.”

“Tim?” Phil asked. “Tim who?”

“Don’t know.”

Phil grimaced, but cleared his throat and took a calming breath. “And where did you meet this Tim?”

“He’s from San Francisco,” Haley said. “I met him online. We talk over the phone and Skype, and things kind of started getting serious. He’s around the corner, waiting for me to meet up with him so we can meet in person and he can take me on a real date.”

“Haley, Haley,” Phil said, rushing over to her and putting a hand on her shoulder. “You don’t know anything about this guy. You’ve seen him on Skype, sure, but how do you know the guy waiting around the corner is the same guy you’ve been chatting with online? What if he’s some stranger who wants to take you away?”

“Dad, no, that’s not what’s happening.” Haley turned around to face Phil. “He’s a nice guy and he really listens to me and I love him.”

“A guy you’ve never met?” Phil asked. “Honey, there’s no possible way you could know that. Now, I’m as high-tech as they come, but there’s no substitute for real human contact.”

“What do you think tonight’s for?”

“No, but Haley, you need that human contact before you can say you’re in love with someone.” Phil cleared his throat uncomfortably. “You didn’t…you weren’t…”

“Weren’t what?”

“I mean, I know on Skype you’re on camera, and I just wanted to make sure you weren’t…you know…disrobing for him, or anything.”

“Oh my God, _gross_!” Haley cried, pushing Phil away. “How could you even say that?”

“I don’t want to think about it either!” Phil cried. “But as much as I hate to admit it, you’re not my baby girl anymore. You’re all grown up, and you’re going to be involved in that kind of stuff, and I’m not ready for it! I don’t think I ever will be.”

“Dad, I promise,” Haley said with a smile. “We kept our clothes on.”

* * *

_“That actually wasn’t true,” Haley admits to me, holding her head in her hands. “It was before Mom moved me back up to Alex’s room. I think she assumed with Alex around it would keep me out of trouble, and I guess she was right about that… But before that, we were, uh…um, I don’t know if I feel comfortable talking about this…”_

_“It’s okay,” I say. “I think I get the picture.”_

* * *

“Honey, you know what happened with your mom and me,” Phil said. “Claire just doesn’t want the same thing to happen to you. But, you know what?” he asked, putting both hands on her shoulders and looking down at her with a smile on his face. “We might have thought it was a mistake at first, but it really wasn’t, because that so-called ‘mistake’ gave us you.”

Haley smiled in spite of herself and hugged Phil tightly. “Thanks, Dad,” she said. She pulled away and sighed. “And I know you’re right, too. I just…I feel so trapped in that house, and then this Tim guy comes along and makes my life exciting, and…I don’t know, I guess I thought that meant I loved him.”

“I think I know what you mean,” Phil said. “But don’t worry. You’ll find a guy that really makes you excited and treats you like the angel you are. And he’ll be a realtor or a doctor.”

Haley giggled. “Dad…”

“Kidding,” Phil said. “Now, you’re saying this guy is waiting for you around the corner?”

“Oh, right,” Haley said, looking at the ground awkwardly. “Guess I need to tell him to go home. Um…” she hesitated, looking at Phil. “Can you help me talk to him?”

“Absolutely,” Phil said with a smile. He and Haley went around the corner, anticipating a confused and annoyed young man waiting in a car. When they turned the corner, there was no car in sight.

“Um…are you sure this is the right corner?” Phil asked.

“Yeah, I gave him the street address for that house right there,” Haley said, pointing at one of the houses on the corner. “He has a GPS system on his car. He would have been here…”

“Well, where do you think he is?” Phil asked, looking around the street to see if he could find a car anywhere.

“I don’t believe it,” Haley said, now looking crestfallen. “Son of a bitch stood me up.”

Haley looked at Phil sadly, looking lost and alone. Phil closed the distance and gave her a hug, which she accepted tightly.

“I thought he really cared about me,” she said, trying to hold back tears.

“I know, honey,” Phil said, rubbing her back. “This happens. There’s guys that say they care about you when they really don’t.”

“What did I do wrong?” Haley asked tentatively.

“Maybe it’s not you,” Phil suggested. “Maybe he got cold feet because he thought he wasn’t good enough for you.”

“Pfft, yeah, right,” Haley said, rolling her eyes.

“No, I’m serious.” Phil pulled back and looked down at Haley. “You’re a beautiful girl, and you deserve better than some creep on the Internet. Look, are you sure there isn’t anyone at work you’re not interested in, some buddy of yours that you’d like to get more serious with?”

“There’s no one, Dad,” Haley explained. “It’s a store for women’s clothes. It’s only girls working there. Well…actually, there’s one gay guy named Stew who handles the service desk, but obviously he’s not an option.”

“How do you know he’s gay?” Phil asked.

“I ran into him when I was out with Uncle Mitchell,” Haley said, “and the two of them were flirting, you know, just for fun. Obviously Mitchell didn’t mean it, but still, when Stew walked away, he asked me not to tell Cam.”

“I see,” Phil said. “Well, there’s gotta be somebody… Ooh, what about that Andy kid? You guys have gotten pretty close, and I think he really likes you.”

Haley sighed and frowned, gazing at Phil vulnerably. “I don’t know. I thought I liked him, but then Alex got it in my head that if I wasn’t serious about it that I shouldn’t break his heart, and that made me doubt myself. Besides, he hasn’t talked to me since our last phone call at the wedding.”

“What were you two talking about?” Phil asked.

“He’s got this girlfriend who keeps giving him the cold shoulder, and I told him he deserved better, and I think he might have gotten the idea that I was talking about _me_. But I kind of brushed him off, and now he won’t speak to me.”

“That bites,” Phil said, pulling Haley into another hug. “But I think the question here is, do you really like him?”

“No…well, maybe…I don’t know,” Haley put her hand on her forehead and shut her eyes, hoping the cool breeze would help her clear her head.

“Okay, let me put it a different way,” Phil proffered. “Does he make you feel special, like you’re the most beautiful girl in the world?”

“Yeah, I think he does,” Haley said with a small smile. “I mean, not directly, but I can tell he really cares about me.”

“Is talking to him as easy as talking to family?”

“Easier,” Haley admitted. Phil chuckled and mussed up Haley’s hair.

“Do you like him for more than his looks? Do you think about more than just getting into bed with him and fooling around?”

“Jesus, Dad,” Haley said, blushing, but with a grin on her face. “If I was going by looks alone, Andy wouldn’t even be on my radar. But he’s more than that. He’s sweet and friendly and he makes me laugh.”

“All good signs,” Phil said. “Why don’t you call him up right now, see if you can’t talk to him about what happened between you two at the wedding?”

“But Dad, he hasn’t called me! I don’t think he wants to talk to me.”

“Let him be the one to tell you that,” Phil suggested. “I’ve seen the way he talks to you. He’ll be thrilled to hear your voice over the phone.”

“If he likes me so much,” Haley reasoned, “why hasn’t he called me?”

“Maybe he’s scared or hurting. You kind of left things a little ambiguous; maybe he doesn’t want to talk to you and prove his fears of rejection right.

“Here, let me tell you a story,” Phil continued, sitting down on the curb. Haley sat down next to him. “After my first date with Claire, I was so afraid to call her. It was an okay date, but she looked a bit disinterested, and I was afraid if I called her too soon, she’d think I was too needy and find some other guy.”

“So what did you do?” Haley asked.

“I didn’t have to do anything!” Phil cheered. “Claire called me. She told me just before the date that she had gotten into a big fight with Jay, and that was on the back of her mind while we were eating dinner together. She said she really enjoyed herself and wanted to make plans for a second date.

“See? We just never know what the other person in the relationship is thinking until they tell you. Now, do you like this guy?”

“Yes. Yes, I do,” Haley said with a big grin.

“Well, go get him then!”

“Okay!” Haley said, trembling as she pulled out her phone. “Dad, it's midnight! I’ll probably wake him up if I call him now.”

“Even better,” Phil said. “Calling at this hour implies that you’ve been thinking about him all night and finally couldn’t stand it and had to call him.”

“But that’s not exactly true,” Haley said.

“Well, it was true for at least the last fifteen minutes,” Phil said. “I think that’s close enough.” He gave Haley a roguish wink. Haley laughed and pulled up her contacts. Andy’s name was near the top, right under her sister Alex.

“Okay, I’m hitting Send,” Haley said. She pressed the button. “Oh my God, I’m actually calling him!” She was taking short, quick breaths.

“Relax,” Phil said. “You’re just asking him out on a date. You’ve probably done it a million times.”

“Actually, guys always ask me,” Haley said. She heard the line pick up. “Oh my God, he’s answering,” she whispered excitedly. Phil pointed at the phone and mouthed the words, “Talk to him!”

* * *

_“This was insane,” Haley reflects. “My Dad is insane. I had no idea if I actually liked this guy enough not to break his heart like Alex warned me. But I had butterflies in my stomach and I was shaking, and I realized that must be a good sign. So I realized I had to go with my gut.”_

* * *

_“I was so proud of her,” Phil says. “She’s finally grown up enough to date a nice guy who actually has a chance of treating her like the angel she is. I knew this Andy guy, and he was so fun and friendly and really treated Haley right, so I was banking on this call, both to put my mind and Claire’s mind at ease.”_

* * *

“Hello?” Andy asked. Haley quailed at his voice and started stuttering. “Haley?” he asked. “You there?”

“Yes, I’m here,” she stammered quickly. “Is this a bad time?”

“No, it’s fine,” Andy said. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Me neither,” Haley admitted. “I was just thinking about our conversations during the wedding, and they kept going through my head, and I knew I had to finally talk to you about it.”

“Really?” Andy asked. “That’s crazy. I was thinking the same thing. I was just too proud to call you.”

“Proud? Are you sure you don’t mean scared?” Haley teased. Phil gave her a grin.

“Put it on speaker,” he whispered. Haley vehemently shook her head, and Phil held his hands up in surrender.

“Ha ha, maybe I was a little scared, too,” Andy admitted. “I thought about what you said, about finding a girl that’s going to treat you right. I realized that you were right, but I couldn’t think of any girl I knew who was treating me like that.”

“I know, I know,” Haley said. “But you knew it wasn’t Beth, right?”

“Talking to you made me finally figure that out,” Andy said. “I finally talked to her a few days ago and confronted her about not writing me enough, always ending the phone calls, all the stuff we talked about.”

“She must have been pretty surprised,” Haley said with a chuckle.

“Yeah, you could say she was taken a bit aback. Anyway, she said it was nothing personal, she was just really busy with Coast Guard work and she promised when her service ended she’d pay more attention to me.”

“Did you believe her?”

“No, I didn’t,” Andy said. “The old me would have just went along with that, hoping she was telling the truth, but afraid something else would come up to keep us apart again. But I wasn’t having any of that. I told her straight up I didn’t believe her, that when she was in California she barely gave me the time of day, and I felt like she was taking me for granted.”

“That’s pretty heavy,” Haley said. “Did she get mad when you said that?”

“She said I didn’t understand what she was going through, that she had a lot on her mind and she couldn’t always take care of my needs. I asked her wasn’t that what boyfriends and girlfriends were supposed to do? I was certainly doing it for her, as much as she let me.”

“What did she say?” Haley asked, her eyes open wide, her body tense and focused.

“Then she got really mad, said I was too needy and I was smothering her. Things…got a bit heated after that. We were yelling about the imbalance in the relationship and that she was going to have to step it up to make things work, and then she finally said she couldn’t do that because she was seeing someone on her base.”

“What?” Haley said, gasping.

“What did he say?” Phil whispered, but Haley waved him away.

“She was seeing someone else?” Haley asked, more so to keep Phil in the loop.

“Yeah. She said they had a lot more in common and she actually felt like she had some breathing room. I asked her why she didn’t break things off with me, and she said it was nice to have me as a bit of a safety net, in case things with this guy didn’t work out.”

“What a bitch!” Haley spat. “You deserve way better than that.”

“I know, I finally realized it myself. Well, I told her we were over after that and asked her not to call me again, and this time, I ended the conversation. I was relieved, confused, and sad all at the same time, and do you know who I kept thinking about?”

“I think I know,” Haley said sweetly, “but tell me anyway.”

“I thought about how you were exactly right,” Andy explained. “I realized that you had been there for me during all our troubles with my girlfriend, and that you had my best interest in heart, and you weren’t just doing it to take advantage of me.”

There was silence on the phone for a little while as Haley and Andy took a chance to take it all in.

“Can I tell you something?” Andy asked. “I didn’t want to bring it up during the wedding, but now that that’s over, I think I need to get this off my chest.”

“Sure. You can tell me anything,” Haley reassured him.

“During our last phone call, I was just outside the wedding hall, hoping you’d invite me in and I could tell you something important.”

“How…how important?” Haley asked, looking nervous. Phil rubbed her back, and she calmed down.

“Haley, it’s…it’s kind of hard to talk about. I guess I’m a little scared.”

“There’s nothing to be afraid of,” Haley said. “Whatever you have to say, I’m not going to judge it or anything.”

“Okay, then I guess it’s best to just get it out there,” Andy said. “I was hoping to ask you out after the wedding to dinner or something. It didn’t matter where, I just wanted to make a date with you and see if my suspicions were correct.”

“What suspicions?”

“That the reason you were trying to get me to end my relationship with Beth was that you wanted to take her place.”

“Oh…” Haley said, now rocking back and forth on the curb.

“So?” Andy asked. “Is that correct?”

“Andy, look, I…” Haley stammered. She looked at Phil with fear in her eyes, but Phil nodded and smiled.

“Tell him how you feel,” he said. “It’s not going to hurt.”

“Andy,” Haley said, finally regaining her composure, “I’m calling you in the middle of the night after thinking about you and how you were doing. I guess…I guess I do kind of want to see where this could go.”

“So you actually…?” Andy sounded like he was holding his breath.

“I don’t know if I can say for certain what I’m feeling,” Haley said. Phil shook his head, but Haley held up her hand, “but I want to go on a date with you. I’m interested in figuring out what’s going on here.”

“Okay, I’ll take that,” Andy said. “Oh man, Haley, you have no idea how badly I want to see you right now.”

“I want to see you, too,” Haley said, “but I think my mom would kill me if I try to leave the house right now.”

Phil chuckled, and Haley punched him playfully on the arm.

“That’s okay,” Andy said. “The fact that you want to see me is enough. Look, I’m exhausted, and I’m sure you are, too. Why don’t we make our plans tomorrow after we’re well rested and clear-headed?”

“Yeah, that sounds great,” Haley said, breathing a sigh of relief. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Okay, sounds good. So, should I call you, or…?”

“Just call when you’re ready. I’ll call when I’m ready, and we’ll see who calls who first.”

“Is it like a race?”

Haley giggled. “No, it’s just, we’re not going to put it all on one person to call. One of us will call, and that’s all that matters.”

“Sounds great,” Andy said with a chuckle. “Okay, good night, Haley.”

“Bye, Andy,” Haley said, hanging up her phone and nearly dropping it, shaking like a leaf.

“You didn’t tell him!” Phil yelled in a panic, but then he relaxed. “But you did promise a date with him, so you bought yourself some time. Now at least he knows you’re interested, and he won’t be up all night wondering about you. Good job, honey.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Haley said, pulling him into a hug. “Love you.”

“Love you, too, my little comet,” Phil said. Haley blushed.

“You never call me that anymore,” she said.

“I just thought it seemed fitting,” Phil said. “Now, let’s go back to the house before your mother goes even more ballistic.”

The two of them laughed as they rose from the sidewalk and back towards their house.

* * *

_“I don’t think I would have done it,” Haley says, leaning on Phil’s shoulder, “if my dad hadn’t told me to go for it.”_

_“I couldn’t just let this one get away,” Phil explains. “Here’s a guy Haley’s interested that Claire won’t want to murder at first sight.”_

_“What was that?” Claire calls from the kitchen, coming towards the living room. “I heard my name.”_

_“It’s nothing, honey,” Phil says with a smile. Claire rolls her eyes and returns to the kitchen._

_“That’ll be a nice change,” Haley says. “A boyfriend my mom actually likes.”_

_“Should make things far less tense in the house,” Phil analyzes._

* * *

Haley and Phil were laughing when they came back into the house. Claire was still in the hall with her bathrobe looking cross, but when she saw Haley walking back into the house without some buffed up, tattoo-riddled thug on her side, she smiled and gave her a hug.

“What did you tell him to get him to leave?” she asked. Haley looked down in shame.

“He never showed up,” Phil explained.

“Oh, I’m sorry, honey,” Claire said, rubbing her back. Haley pulled away from the hug.

“Really? I thought you’d be relieved,” Haley said snidely.

“Well…” Claire said, “I guess there’s a little of that, too.”

“There’s more, too,” Phil said. “Tell her, Haley.”

“Tell me what?” Claire asked, looking worried again.

“I have plans to make a date with Andy,” Haley said, beaming.

“Oh, you do?” Claire asked. “That’s…that’s nice.” Claire was smiling so widely that Haley knew she was feeling a huge sense of relief.

* * *

_“My husband is amazing!” Claire says, looking more relieved than I’ve seen her in weeks. “Not only does he talk Haley out of her boy toy, but he got her to set up a date with Andy. I knew she liked him, but for some reason things between them weren’t getting off the ground. But Phil must have had a magic trick up his sleeve, because he convinced her to do the right thing for herself and give herself a chance to have a decent boyfriend for a change.”_

_Claire looks out the window and sighs. “He was such a good father last night. How could I tell him he might not be hers by blood? There was no way I wanted to ruin that wonderful moment they shared, so I just had to keep my mouth shut. Again.” She takes a deep breath and looks at me apologetically._

_“I have to talk to my dad or Mitchell about this.”_

* * *

“Okay, now it’s super late and we’re all exhausted,” Phil said, “so why don’t we get some shut-eye and wake up tomorrow bright-eyed and bushy-tailed?”

“Sounds good to me,” Haley said, kissing Phil on the cheek. “Goodnight Dad, Mom,” she said, making her way upstairs. Claire and Phil slowly followed and returned to their room.

“How’d you pull that one off?” Claire asked, resting her head on Phil’s shoulder as they lay in their bed.

“I knew what she really wanted,” Phil said, “so I just pointed her in the right direction and she did the rest.”

“Amazing,” Claire said. “How can I show you how grateful I am?”

“Well…” Phil said, sneering. “There is _one_ way…”

“Hmm…” Claire said, pretending to hesitate, “well, I’m very attracted to you and also a little drunk, so why not?”

“There we go,” Phil said. He kissed Claire deeply, but suddenly pulled away. “What about locking the door?”

“Phil, that’ll just wake up the kids and tell them what we’re doing,” Claire explained. “I think we’re safe for tonight.”

“Whatever you say, honey,” Phil said, leaning back in to kiss Claire again.

Meanwhile, Haley was in her bathroom changing back into pajamas. She came out wearing the “Haley Dunphy Moving Co.” tee shirt that was much too big on her petite body. She lay in bed and tried to sleep, but she was giddy and restless.

“Did you get grounded?” Alex muttered from the other bed.

“You can’t sleep, either?” Haley asked.

“Not with the way Mom was yelling. You’re in deep shit.”

“Actually, I’m fine,” Haley explained. “I’ve got plans for a date.”

“Really?” Alex asked, sitting up from the bed. “I thought you were sneaking out to go on a date.”

“Not with that creep,” Haley said, a look of disgust on her face as she sat up as well. “Dad convinced me to call Andy, and tomorrow we’re going to make a date.”

“You’re going to go out with Andy?” Alex asked, raising an eyebrow in skepticism. In the dark, Haley didn’t see this.

“Yeah,” she said. “Dad made me realize that I shouldn’t let him slip away, and I’m really hoping this can work.”

“I hope so, too,” Alex said with a sigh. “Remember what I said at the wedding. If all you’re doing is using him, you’re going to break his heart more than Beth ever could.”

“I’m not going to do that,” Haley responded. “I really like this guy, Alex. I promise.”

“I hope you’re right,” Alex said. “Night, hussy.”

“Night, nerd.”

Haley and Alex settled back into their beds to try to fall asleep.

* * *

_“Alex was right,” Haley says, “as much as I hate to admit it. I’m still a little scared that I don’t like Andy as much as he likes me. But that’s what the date is for, so we can start to figure that out.” She sighs and stares at the floor. “I hope I don’t make a mess of this like I did with Dylan.”_

* * *

_“I was worried about her going out with Andy,” Alex explains. “He’s super nice, a lot of fun, totally not her type. I was wondering if she could actually see that in him, but then again, why else would she be attracted to him? He’s not a model like the other guys she’s been with.” Alex wrings her hands and takes a breath._

_“He’s a really good guy,” she says with a smile. “I just hope Haley can see that. I hope she doesn’t break his heart.”_


	4. Phil, There's Something I Have to Tell You...

“Mitchell, I need to see you and Dad alone, in private,” Claire said over the cell phone. Phil was at work and the kids were at school, so Claire knew she had to take advantage of her privacy now so she could work this out.  
  
“Claire, is this about that Haley situation?” Mitchell asked, trying not to sound peeved. He was driving to the courthouse to attend a hearing.  
  
“Yes, Mitchell, it is,” Claire said, holding her forehead and tightening her lip. “The guilt is literally eating me alive and I don’t know what to do.”

* * *

_“If the guilt were ‘literally’ eating you alive,” Mitchell says with a groan, “you would ‘literally’ die from the inside out.” He sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his thumb and pointer finger. “It’s not that I don’t feel bad for her. I do. But the solution is simple, if also difficult: tell Phil the truth. You wouldn’t have to feel guilty anymore, and you could work through this like adults, and…” He pauses for thought. “Well, the marriage might not survive, and the family would be torn apart, and the kids might resent their mother.” He takes a deep breath. “Well, maybe I can see where she’s coming from now. Wish I had known that talking to her in the car…”_

* * *

“Claire, look, Lily’s home from school and work is a nightmare with all the backlog from my time off. Now is really not a good time to discuss something this serious. If you want to talk to Dad—who, unlike me, didn’t just find out about this—be my guest, but I can’t deal with this right now.”  
  
“Mitchell, wait!” Claire cried, but the phone had already hung up. Claire groaned and slammed her phone down on the counter. She leaned on the counter and took a deep breath.

* * *

_“I couldn’t believe my brother!” Claire says haughtily. “I mean, I know we haven’t been the best siblings since Mom and Dad got their divorce, but if he doesn’t help me, I might have to go through a divorce myself!” Claire bit down on her fingers. “I really could have used my little brother today, but it looked like I’d have to do without.”  
_

* * *

Claire picked up the cell phone and dialed it again. It rang a few times, but Jay finally answered.  
  
“This about Haley?” Jay asked immediately.  
  
Claire sighed. “It’s like you can read my mind.”  
  
“I’m your father,” he said with a smirk. “You think I don’t know when my daughter needs me?”  
  
Claire breathed a sigh of relief. “I guess you’re pretty good at that.”  
  
“Of course I am. Now look. I’m at the office, so I really can’t talk now, but I get off at five. If you can get out of the house, we’ll take a drive, just you and me. Remember that hilltop off the interstate we always used to go?”

* * *

_“After Dad refused to talk to me for weeks after finding out about the whole situation,” Claire explains, “he drove me to this one place with a beautiful sycamore tree. It was where he always took Mitchell and I to talk about the important stuff. After Mitchell came out, they had a talk there that lasted ’til all hours of the night. When he and Mom were getting a divorce, he took us there to give us the news and we stayed there all day. Well, he took me there, and we had a nice long talk about my options, and he really got me through it. Now, twenty years later, we’re going back there to talk about it again.” She looks out the window as if in a dream, then turns back to me. “I love that tree.”_

* * *

“The hill with the giant sycamore tree?” Claire asked. “Yes, I do remember.”  
  
“We’ll sit under those tree branches like we always did,” Jay promised, “and we’ll work this thing out. You call Mitchell yet?”  
  
“He was just being an asshole about it,” Claire griped. “It’s as if his ‘super important life’ means more to him than anyone else’s. You know, this riff that came between us when you and Mom divorced, I don’t think it ever totally went away.”  
  
“I can see that,” Jay said. “I’ll talk to Mitchell. He usually gets out of court at four, right?”  
  
“I think so,” Claire said, smiling widely, even though Jay couldn’t see it.  
  
“Don’t worry. I know how to knock some sense into your little brother. Pick you up around five-fifteen?”  
  
“That would be fine, but the kids are going to be home way before then. How do I get out of making dinner?”  
  
“Tell them you’ll order some take-out and that you’ll get dinner with me and Mitchell. Hell, it won’t even be lying. We could easily do that after we talk. Sound good?”  
  
Claire felt overwhelmed with affection for her father. “Sounds great, Dad.”  
  
“Okay, then. See you at five-fifteen. Love you, Claire Bear.”  
  
“Dad, it’s a little embarrassing,” Claire said, blushing slightly.  
  
“‘Love you, too, Dad,’” Jay said with a smirk. Claire stammered a bit, but Jay had already hung up.

* * *

_“My dad was a lifesaver,” Claire reflects, looking relieved and even happy. “I’m not sure what’s got him to be so concerned about me and supportive. He reacted badly when I first told him this twenty years ago.” Claire looks around, as if taking in her living room for the first time. “I know I shouldn’t question it, but I wonder what brought on this change. Was it Gloria? Manny? Little Joe? Maybe having a second chance at a family made him realize how badly his first chance went, and he’s making up for all those years, all those sad, sad years…” Claire looks ready to cry and self-conscious about being in front of me. “Excuse me,” she says, walking briskly out of the room, but I can hear a small sniffle from the hallway as she leaves._

* * *

“Mitchell, it’s Dad,” Jay said over the phone. “You’re not picking up, so I know you must be in court or at a meeting or something. Whatever it is, call me back as soon as you get this. It’s important. Thanks, bye.” He hung up the phone and sighed tensely.

* * *

_“I know Mitchell’s busy,” Jay explains, “but he’s becoming as much of a workaholic as I used to be. If he doesn’t watch it, I’m afraid he’ll start smoking and drinking like me, too. I mean, I finally quit the smoking after I left DeDe, except for the occasional cigar, and the drinking…well, I’m still working on that. I love that kid to death, but if he doesn’t wise up real soon, he’ll become the kind of father I was, and that kind of father is not the good kind.”_

* * *

Mitchell reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone, as he always did once he left the courtroom. When he saw the missed call from Jay, he rolled his eyes and shoved the phone back in his pocket.

* * *

_“I knew exactly why Dad was calling,” Mitchell explains. “Claire was upset that I wasn’t being supportive to her, and she told on me.” He suddenly looks sad. “I don’t mean it like that. It’s just…it’s uncomfortable for me. Ever since I found out, it’s been bothering me. Can’t sleep at night without a scotch—which I know, I’m gay, but I can still drink manly drinks—and I’ve just been burying myself in work since coming back from the honeymoon.  
  
“Cam knew immediately something was bothering me,” he continues, “but given the nature of the issue, I knew I couldn’t tell him anything.”_

* * *

“Mitchell, you’re so tense lately,” Cam said one night as Mitchell sat on the bed with a glass of scotch that was about half full. “And you know I’m not a big fan of the ol’ moonshine.” He put his hands on Mitchell’s shoulders and began rubbing them. “Tell me what’s going on. You know I’m here for you.”  
  
Mitchell sighed and turned his head to look at Cam, who really did look concerned. _Is it that obvious?_ Mitchell wondered.  
  
“Work just sucks right now,” Mitchell lied. “I’ve got a huge backlog of cases to work through. Paperwork, hearings, upset clients, it’s just a lot to deal with.”  
  
Cam frowned, clearly dissatisfied with that answer. “Okay, Mitchell. It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it. Newly married husbands, and we’re already keeping secrets!” He lifted himself off the bed and out of the room. Mitchell swore under his breath and desperately followed him.  
  
“Okay, so it’s not all work!” Mitchell called after him. Cam stopped and turned around, his arms crossed, sulking. “It’s a family thing. _My_ family,” Mitchell explained, seeing that Cam was about to interject. “It’s something we only want to discuss with a few people, and I’m sorry, Cam, but I can’t tell you what it is yet. Hopefully we can work this out, and then I’ll explain everything. Until then, you’re just going to have to trust me.”  
  
Cam wanted to keep sulking, but looking into Mitchell’s eyes, he knew his husband was saying everything he could. “You know I can’t stay mad at you,” Cam gushed, coming over to Mitchell and pecking him on the lips. “I’ll leave you alone about it, on one condition.”  
  
“What’s that?” Mitchell asked, fighting the urge to roll his eyes.  
  
“Lay off the scotch,” he said sternly. “We don’t want that kind of booze lying around the house. What if Lily got into it?”  
  
Mitchell sighed but gave Cam a smile. “Okay. Next chance I get, I’ll take it over to Dad’s. He’ll heckle me for drinking out of my league, but it’s the brand he likes and he’ll gladly take it off my hands.”  
  
“Sure, give it to your alcoholic father,” Cam jibed. Mitchell groaned and Cam put a hand on his shoulder. “Kidding!” he said.  
  
“No, you have a point,” Mitchell said. “I mean, he never got drunk drunk, but that’s immediately where he went after coming home from work. Mom hated it, but I think that only encouraged him.”  
  
“Your dad’s a complicated man,” Cam said. “As long as he didn’t hurt you or Claire, I’m not worried about his drinking.”  
  
“Define ‘hurt,’” Mitchell said, his voice cracking a bit. Cam sighed and gave his husband a warm hug.  
  
“Poor choice of words,” Cam said. “But you and your father are on good terms now, and I hope it can stay that way.”  
  
“I hope so, too,” Mitchell said, going to the kitchen and dumping the rest of his glass of scotch down the sink. “Let’s just go to sleep. I need a clear head for tomorrow; I’ve got three hearings to attend.”  
  
“Sounds good to me, partner,” Cam said. He followed Mitchell into bed. Mitchell laid on his left side and closed his eyes. Cam kissed him delicately on the neck. Mitchell smiled but turned over to Cam.  
  
“Now’s not really a great time for that,” Mitchell explained. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“That's fine,” Cam said, only looking a little disappointed. “I'm sure there'll be time for that eventually.”

“There will be once work lightens up and this family situation gets under control,” Mitchell promised, kissing Cam softly on the lips.

  
“Looking forward to it,” Cam said with a wink. The two of them tucked in and shut their eyes, far more ready to sleep than they had been.

* * *

_“Sex is really awkward for a gay man,” Cam explains, taking a deep breath and wringing his hands. “First, you have to realize that that’s actually what you want, and there’s a whole lot of hell to go through when you’re trying to figure **that** out. Then, if you have a history with women—you know, before you knew—you haven’t really gotten to know what sex is supposed to feel like, and you can’t help but compare your two experiences. Mitchell and I, of course, dated plenty of women before we knew. Mitchell even had that fling with his old high school girlfriend that led to that whole baby scare, and that was **after** he knew he was gay.” Cam sighs, breathing deeply, appearing to be trying to clear his mind. “The honeymoon was great, but when we came back to L.A., he started to shut me out. Knowing about this family thing makes me feel a little bit better about it, but it’s still concerning.”_

* * *

_“Cam…” Mitchell says, thinking hard. “I recognize I’ve been giving him the cold shoulder lately. I felt bad about it, but I knew I had to deal with it. So when I saw that Dad called during my hearing, I knew I had to start dealing with this Claire/Haley thing so I could focus on my marriage instead of my sister’s.” Mitchell looks around his room and sighs._

_“I don’t know, I’m feeling a bit resentful about all this,” he admits. “Every time something good happens to me, Claire somehow finds a way to turn the attention on herself. She’s been doing that for as long as I can remember. I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way. This is really painful for her. It’s just…okay, she’s had twenty years to straighten this out, and she picks **my** wedding to finally start dealing with it?” Mitchell buries his head in his hands and groans._

_“God, I’m a terrible brother,” he says, not lifting his head up. “I really should be there for Claire and not put my shit on top of it. She’s going through enough as it is, and she doesn’t need a jealous younger brother mucking up the works.” He lifts his head and smiles sadly._

* * *

“Hey, Dad,” Mitchell said, calling him from the car.

“There you are,” Jay said, chuckling. “Claire told me about your recent…phone call, and she hopes you reconsider and join us up on the hill tonight.”

“She couldn’t tell me that herself?”

“I told her I’d call, so if anything, be mad at me,” Jay replied. “Look, I know you and Claire are a little at odds. Totally my fault, by the way. I’m really sorry about that.”

“It’s not you, Dad,” Mitchell said with a sigh. “That’s on us, and it’s up to us to figure it out.”

“Well, now would be a great time to start,” Jay suggested. “She really needs her brother right now, and it would mean a lot to her if you came so we could discuss this.”

“I know, Dad, I know,” Mitchell said. He caught the tension in his voice and tried to relax. “I’ll be there. Don’t worry. Cam and I didn’t have plans for dinner anyway. We were probably just going to order pizza, honestly. He’s a little tired of cooking right now.”

“Perfect!” Jay said jovially. “Get your car home. I’ll pick you up once I get out at five; you’re on your way to Claire’s, and she’ll be happy to see you right away.”

“Sounds good, Dad. Looking forward to it.”

Jay chuckled. “Okay, have a good rest of the day at work, son.”

“Thanks, Dad. Bye.”

“Okay, bye.”

* * *

_“This is going to sound really silly,” Mitchell tells me, “but I don’t remember the last time Dad’s said ‘I love you’ to me. I know he’s capable; I’ve heard him say it to Claire. But with me…I don’t know, he seems a bit uncomfortable.”_

* * *

_“I might be a little less…affectionate towards Mitchell than I am to Claire,” Jay confirms. “And before you ask, it’s not the gay thing. He’s just always been a little tenser around me, always seemed to be more of a Mama’s boy… That’s not how I meant to put it.” He sighs and rubs his forehead. “It’s not that I don’t love him. I just feel a lump in my throat when I go to say it, and then I chicken out and settle with ‘bye, son,’ or ‘see you, champ.’ It’s probably a problem, but Mitchell hasn’t said anything to me about it, so…” He rubs the back of his head and smiles nervously._

* * *

Jay pulled up to Cam and Mitchell’s house and honked on the horn. He waited a moment before his redheaded son hustled out of the house and to his car. He climbed into the passenger seat in the front and smiled awkwardly at his father.

“It’s a little warm for khakis, isn’t it?” Jay asked. Mitchell rolled his eyes.

“My legs are too thin to look good in shorts,” he replied.

“Okay, no problem,” Jay said, pulling away from the curb and on the way to Claire’s house. “Hope you like grass stains,” he said with a chuckle.

“Not a problem. I have to go to the cleaners this weekend anyway,” Mitchell said flatly.

Jay huffed and turned his eyes to the road. Mitchell stared out the window and watched the houses pass by.

“So how’s work?” Jay asked, hands clenching the steering wheel a bit tightly.

“Fine,” Mitchell replied, not turning from the window.

“Got any big cases?” Jay asked curtly.

“Nothing too important,” Mitchell responded. “A few ordinance violations, but there’s a lot of work anyway. I’m preparing for a major lawsuit over pollution at the power plant. Not looking forward to that one. They’ve got a whole team of sharks ready to tear me to shreds, so it’s been a lot of work trying to keep up.”

“That really bites,” Jay said, still not looking away from the road. “Still, everyone’s got to have a shot in court.”

“I guess,” Mitchell said.

* * *

_“I had no idea how we would be able to help Claire,” Mitchell reflects, “not the way Dad and I were ‘getting along.’ I don’t know what happened! His toast was so touching at the ceremony, and he can’t hold a fucking conversation with me in the car.” He looks embarrassed, rubbing his beard. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be swearing so much, especially with Lily at home. I’ve just been really stressed lately, and it slips out once in a while.”_

* * *

_“God,” Jay gripes, “you know, I love Mitchell, but we just can’t really connect. It was even a problem before he came out to the family, but that certainly didn’t help make things easier. Not that I’m a homophobe,” he adds, shaking his hands in front of him. “No, I might be a bit uncomfortable around it, but I’m not about to say they’re going to hell for it. It’s just…he was my first boy. I was going to teach him to throw a baseball, ride a bike, go fishing. But work got in the way, and when I did get a chance to spend time with him, he didn’t want to do any of those boy things. It was hard for me to relate, and it’s still hard now.”_

* * *

They spent the next few minutes in silence, thinking to themselves about Claire’s situation. Jay cleared his throat at one point, and Mitchell looked towards him, expecting him to start talking to him. Jay said nothing, so Mitchell went back to looking out the window. Finally, he groaned and faced his father.

“This is ridiculous,” he griped. Jay’s brow furrowed.

“What’s up?”

“What are we supposed to do to help Claire? We haven’t figured out what we want to say.”

“Oh, right,” Jay said, nodding his head. “Well, what do you want to tell her?”

“What I told her at the wedding,” Mitchell replied. “Tell Phil the truth.”

“You know, that’s a lot harder than it sounds.”

“I know, I know,” Mitchell said, wiping his forehead. “But, as you know, I’m a lawyer, and we care about the truth, the whole truth and nothing—”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ve seen enough ‘Law and Order,’” Jay snipped. Mitchell glared at him, but Jay turned and gave him a smirk. “Kidding. I get your point. I actually want Claire to fess up, too.”

“Well, how are we going to convince her?” Mitchell asked.

“Good question,” Jay remarked. He then sighed. “Okay, I’ll be serious. Claire may have been a bit of a wild child back when this whole thing happened, but she’s got a good head on her shoulders now, so I think she’ll want to fess up and clear her conscience. All we should have to do is get her to see that she really wants to do the right thing.”

“I’m not sure, Dad,” Mitchell replied. “Claire’s really stubborn. If she’s held onto this thing for this long, it’s going to be tough to get her to all of a sudden confess.”

“Well, clearly it’s been on her mind,” Jay reasoned, “so since she’s already thinking about it, it might be easier to convince her to get it off her chest.”

“Well, we won’t find out until we start talking to her,” Mitchell concluded. “I guess we’ll just have to wing it, see what she says and try to respond in a way that gets to her.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Jay agreed.

* * *

_“Not sure how Mitchell felt,” Jay reflects, “but I thought this was a long shot. How were we going to get Claire to reveal the darkest secret of her life? No way was it going to be easy, and I hoped Mitchell knew what he was in for.”_

* * *

_“We finally pulled up to Claire’s house,” Mitchell says, “and I felt a jumble of nerves. I had barely had time to process this myself, and now I had to convince her to do something I was positive she wasn’t ready to do.” Mitchell cracks his jaw. “I don’t think I was ready to discuss this, and I’m sure Claire wasn’t going to be comfortable with it either. But it was finally time for me to stop acting so petty and start acting like a supportive brother.”_

* * *

Claire was looking out the window and saw Jay’s car pull up to the curb.

“Okay, Phil, kids!” she called out into the kitchen. They came out to the hall. “My dad’s here, so you know what’s going on. Phil’s ordering Chinese for the four of you. Make sure you clean up after yourselves and save your leftovers. I don’t want to come home to half-full boxes of smelly chicken and fried rice. Okay?”

“Don’t worry, honey,” Phil said, kissing her on the cheek. “Papa Bear’s got this.”

“All right, Phil,” Claire said with a smile. Jay honked his horn.

“Coming, Dad,” Claire muttered. “Bye, Phil. Bye, kids. Love you guys.”

“Love you, too,” the four of them said as Claire walked out the door. She hustled over to the car, afraid one of them would try to stop her for some last minute issue. She made it to the car safely and opened the side door, taking a seat in the back.

“Hmm…” Jay hummed, thinking. “Mitchell, can you and Claire switch seats?”

Mitchell was going to roll his eyes, but realized Jay wanted to be right next to his daughter.

“Sure, Dad,” Mitchell said. He climbed out of the car and held the door open for Claire, who took the front seat. Mitchell shut the door and climbed into the back. The three of them buckled in, they made their way towards the interstate.

“Okay, Claire, here’s the thing,” Jay started, but Claire held up a hand to get him to stop.

“Let’s wait ’til we get to the hill,” she requested.

“Claire,” Mitchell said with a sigh, “I really don’t think—”

“That’s fine,” Jay interceded with a smile. “We’ll wait to sit under the sycamore tree before we start talking about this. Okay, Mitchell?”

“Sure, Dad.”

There was some silence until Jay merged onto the interstate. The hill was only two exits away, but there was some serious traffic congesting the roads.

“Damn it,” Jay muttered. “Knew I shouldn’t have taken the freeway during rush hour.”

“It’s okay, Dad,” Claire reassured him, “it’s moving.”

“I could walk faster than this,” Jay griped.

The three of them sat in silence again, crawling along the freeway at a slow but steady pace. Fortunately for them, the exits were close together, given how close they were to Los Angeles. It took maybe twenty minutes to get off the freeway, and it was only a couple minutes more to find the hill.

* * *

_“When we got to the hill,” Claire explains, “something looked wrong. I couldn’t see the top branches of the sycamore tree. Maybe they had fallen off in a storm, maybe the top branches had been cut off, but I definitely remember being able to see the tree twenty years ago, and now I couldn’t.”_

* * *

_“We got up to the top of the hill,” Jay tells me, “and we saw that the tree was completely gone. Nothing but grass and the smoggy L.A. sky. Not exactly the serene place I wanted to have this conversation, but I guess we had to make do.”_

* * *

“Dad, the tree’s gone,” Claire said sorrowfully. Mitchell rubbed her back, but Jay looked irked.

“Why the hell would they take down that tree?” he grumbled. “That tree was beautiful.”

“Maybe because Cam wasn’t perched on top of it in his ‘Cats’ costume,” Mitchell suggested, reflecting on one of their more interesting stories.

“Whatever, it’s fine,” Claire said haughtily. “We’ll just sit here, where we can see the houses.”

The three Pritchetts sat down on the very top of the hill, looking at the seemingly endless rows of houses making up the L.A. suburbs. The skyline of Los Angeles could be seen in the distance, but the smog was obscuring it.

“Okay, before you two start laying into me,” Claire said defensively, “I just want to say that it’s been really hard living with this secret, and I don’t think you two understand how overwhelming the guilt has been.”

“Claire, I told you this already,” Mitchell responded. “I had a dark secret, too. But when I finally came out of the closet, all that guilt went away. Yes, there was some heartache to be had, as I’m sure you remember.”

“Especially from me,” Jay said abashedly.

Mitchell sighed. “Yes, especially from Dad. But the most important thing was I was finally free to live my life without this overwhelming secret haunting me day in and day out.”

“I get that, Mitchell, I really do,” Claire responded, pushing her bangs behind her ears, “but your secret didn’t have the potential to ruin a marriage. This isn’t just about me feeling guilty. I have a family to protect, a family that loves me, a family that might not forgive me for building it on a lie.”

“Look at it this way,” Jay suggested, reaching out and putting a hand on Claire’s shoulder. “If Phil really loves you, and God I know he does, he’ll find a way to forgive you.”

“Yeah, right,” Claire snapped.

“No, no, listen. Forget how I feel about the man, there’s no doubt in my mind that he’s absolutely crazy about you, and he loves you now as much as he did when you first met, maybe even more so now. If you can tell the truth, and he finds it in his heart to stick by you, your marriage is absolutely sure to survive everything. You have a lot to gain taking this risk.”

“Sure, Dad,” Claire acknowledged, “but what do I have to lose? My whole family might walk out on me. Hell, they might throw me out of the house while Phil readies the divorce papers.”

“Now, Claire, we’ve got a guy here who knows something about divorce,” Jay said jocularly. “Yeah, splitting off from DeDe was hell for a while, and it put you and Mitchell at odds. But we’ve managed to work out our issues and stay together as a family. I’m a lot closer to my grandkids than most granddads are, divorced or otherwise, and a lot closer to my kids than most divorced dads. Phil? Who knows, maybe you won’t be able to reconcile with him. But you’re not going to lose those kids. Haley, Alex, Luke, they’ll love you no matter what.”

“Sure, Dad,” Claire said, “because Mitchell and I _love_ Mom so much. I mean, what was she doing? Sleeping around with some guys. Big deal, that happens all the time.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Jay warned her. “That’s not exactly a small thing.”

“Well, compare that to cheating on your future husband, getting pregnant, and not knowing if it’s his child but pretending that it is. It’s the whole reason we married, Dad!”

“Hold on, Claire,” Mitchell interjected. “What do you mean ‘the whole reason?’ Don’t you love Phil? Didn’t that factor in to your decision to marry him?”

“Well, yeah, of course,” Claire said with an exasperated smile. “Of course I love Phil.”

* * *

_“Can I really say that?” Claire asks in retrospect. “I mean, I wasn’t crazy about Phil like he was with me. He wasn’t enough to stop me dating James…er, Professor Cooke, at least until the pregnancy scare. That rushed Phil and I into marriage, and over the years I sort of learned to love him.” Claire gasps, shaking her head. “How can I even **say** that? That’s terrible. Of course I love my husband. Of course I do…” She stares me down and starts whispering. “But sometimes, there’s this little voice deep down that says ‘what if?’ What if Phil and I hadn’t been rushed into getting married? Would we have lasted? Would I have moved on and found someone else? It makes me wonder, did I end up settling? God, I’m such a bitch.” Claire looks as though she’s on the verge of tears. “What am I **doing** …?”_

* * *

“Claire, no one doubts that you love Phil,” Mitchell assured her. “But we understand the situation. Maybe you got married before you were ready. Maybe you wondered if he was the right guy or if he was the guy you had to marry because he was the father of your child. _If_ he’s the father of your child,” he added, recalling the dilemma. “Claire, there’s one thing that doesn’t make sense to me. Why didn’t you get a paternity test? I mean, that would require you had to blow this whole thing open as soon as it happened, but you would have known for sure and you wouldn’t have had to hold onto this secret for all these years.”

“I know exactly how to answer that,” Claire said sternly, taking Mitchell a bit aback. “James…Professor Cooke, he was intriguing, exciting. I felt like I was being swept off my feet. But what we were doing was reckless and unethical. Could you imagine what would have happened if I was carrying his baby? He would have been fired, I might have gotten kicked out of school, and I would have had to raise a child with a man who, despite my feelings towards him, I did not want to be the father of my child.

“Phil was different. Kind, affectionate, a good head on his shoulders. He had all the makings of a good father, and I realized that that’s who I wanted to raise my baby, _our_ baby, even if it wasn’t his by blood. I just couldn’t risk finding out that maybe Professor Cooke was the father, or I would have ended up raising a baby with a man I did not trust with kids.

“So of course I said it was Phil’s, and everything else followed. I didn’t mean for the last-minute elopement. I didn’t mean to hold onto this lie for all these years. So I buried it, I locked it away in a little box inside my head and hoped to God it would never come out.”

The air seemed still as Claire finished speaking. She looked back and forth at Mitchell and Jay, who were looking at her as if seeing her for the first time.

* * *

_“God, I had no idea,” Mitchell says, “but it makes sense to me now. I knew who Professor Cooke was, and I could see why Claire was enamored with him, but he screamed bad father to me. Phil, on the other hand, looked like great father material, at least compared to Cooke. But one thing still didn’t make sense.”_

* * *

“Claire, why didn’t you just tell Phil the story?” Mitchell asked. “You could have told him that you made a mistake, you were seeing two guys at once, and either of them might be the father.”

“Yeah, great,” Claire jibed, “ _that_ would have blown over well.”

“Let me finish,” Mitchell requested. “But what if you told Phil you hated this other guy, didn’t trust him to raise your baby, and that you trusted Phil with your child far more than you would anyone else. Don’t you think that might have touched him, even just a little bit? Most fathers don’t have a choice, they raise the kids they helped create. But you were giving Phil a choice to love your daughter, not because he was necessarily her father by blood, but because he loved you and loved that little baby kicking inside of you. Don’t you think that might have touched him, even a little bit, maybe enough for him to forgive you?”

* * *

_“Mitchell almost had a point,” Claire says, “but hindsight’s always twenty-twenty. I can’t go back and change the decision I made, so while I know he and Dad were trying to help, they weren’t addressing the actual problem, and I had to remind them of that.”_

* * *

“Mitchell,” Claire said, “that’s touching and all, but that doesn’t help me in the here and now. Right now, I know why you guys are here. You’re trying to convince me to confess to Phil, and I’m not sure if I’m ready to do it.”

“Okay, Claire, come on now,” Jay said gruffly. “You’ve pulled the wool over his eyes for twenty years. You know it’s got to stop at some point. If you’re worried about what the kids will think, don’t tell them right away. Work it out with Phil, and then decide if you want to explain to your kids, especially Haley.”

* * *

_“Haley…” Claire reflects. “I can’t even imagine how she’ll feel if she finds out. So, Jay had a point. It was best not to get the kids involved before they were ready. So now that we were focused on telling just one person instead of four, the decision was starting to become at least a little easier.”_

* * *

“Okay, okay,” Claire said. “I know Phil deserves the truth, even if the kids aren’t ready to hear it yet. And I agree, I think it’s time to finally tell him and put this behind me, behind us. But what do I say?”

“Claire,” Jay said, patting her on the back. “You’ve been with your husband twenty years. You know how to communicate, far better than your parents did. You’ll know what to do when the time comes.”

“That’s not very helpful,” Claire said honestly.

“What about what I said?” Mitchell asked. “About how you trusted Phil as a father and didn’t want this other sleaze to even have a chance to claim your son as his own. I know, it’s not perfect, but it at least explains the situation somewhat and shows that you trust Phil as a father and as a husband. I’ll admit, it still might not blow over well, but with time, hopefully the reasons behind your decision will make sense to him, and he’ll find a way to forgive you.”

“God, Mitchell, I don’t know…” Claire moaned.

* * *

_“I’ll admit, I was feeling a little ambushed,” Claire explains. “My father and my brother, both on my back to do something I’ve been avoiding for so long. It was frightening. But then my dad said something that made me change my entire outlook.”_

* * *

“Claire, I’m going to tell you something about my own father,” Jay said, and Claire and Mitchell locked eyes on him, jaw gaping. “He…wasn’t exactly the most sensitive type. Quite the opposite, actually, I’ve got scars on my back to prove it. He was the one that pushed me into Vietnam with me kicking and screaming, begging not to enlist. Once the draft got you, though, you didn’t have a choice.

“So I’m in ’Nam and our platoon gets ambushed by the Cong. I made it out with a few scratches on my shoulder, but our medic, Paulie, he got shot in the stomach. We did everything we could to stop the bleeding, get him to the med camp, but he died before we could reach it in time. Thank God that was the worst thing that happened there.

“So, when my service is over and I return to the States, I’m driving home hoping for a ‘welcome home, son,’ or an ‘I’m proud of you’ from my dad. Instead he bitched me out about how I should have saved Paulie’s life, how he didn’t raise a son that would leave a man behind. I told him we did everything we could, and he punched me square in the jaw and told me I was a disgusting excuse for a son.

“Mom was screaming after me and slapping Dad in the chest as I left. I went down to the bar to order a stiff drink, and I met a woman there who would end up being your mother, but that’s not the point of the story.

“My point is, my biological father was a complete asshole, and you and Phil have such a great family in comparison, and you can’t let your past mistakes ruin what has become a beautiful family.”

* * *

_“I never talk about my father,” Jay explains. “Never. He was never a part of my kids’ lives. They’ve met him once or twice, but they don’t really know who Grandpa Luke is, and I made sure it stayed that way. So when I gave Claire that little bit of information, I hoped it would get her to see how lucky she is to have a wonderful father raising her children, and that she could share that gratitude with Phil, even if she took it for granted in the past.”_

* * *

Claire was almost in tears as Jay wrapped up his story. Mitchell sighed and looked off at the buildings in the distance.

“Could you come with me and tell Phil that story?” Claire asked tentatively.

Jay scowled. “No way in hell am I telling Phil anything about my father, and no way I want you to mention it to anyone. Just tell him how lucky you are to have such a wonderful man in your life, how stupid you were not to see it sooner, and that you promise to remain his faithful wife as you always have since you two have been married. And if that doesn’t get through his thick skull, then you can give me a call.” He winked at Claire. Claire chuckled heartily, strangely elated and feeling relieved. Mitchell continued to stare off in the distance.

“Thanks, Dad,” Claire said, hugging Jay. “I’m ready enough to tell Phil now, I think. No guarantees though.”

“Just buck up and do it, kid,” Jay said, “and you’ll take whatever comes from it. You’re a tough girl, and you’ve got all the support in the world if things turn south.

“Okay!” he called, mainly for Mitchell’s sake, who appeared to have spaced out. “We’re going out to eat, Claire’s choice. We’re going to forget all about this conversation, have a good time, and then Claire can take care of her business tonight, or whenever she feels comfortable.”

“No, no,” Claire said. “It should be tonight. I can’t bear to hold onto it any longer.”

“As long as you’re ready,” Jay said. “Mitchell?”

“Hmm? Oh, sorry,” he said, lifting himself off the grass. “Whenever it feels right, Claire. You’ll know when it’s time.”

“Thank you, Mitchell,” Claire said. “If I don’t do it tonight, I’m afraid I’ll never do it, so wish me luck.”

“You sure you can handle this dinner?” Mitchell asked. “You look antsy, like you want to tell him right this minute.”

“Maybe too antsy,” Claire reasoned. “It might be better to let the idea settle over a good meal before going back home and talking to Phil.”

“Fair enough,” Jay said. “Now, let’s go! Traffic should’ve eased up by now, so it won’t be long ’til we find some good grub.”

The three Pritchetts made their way down the hill and back towards their car.

* * *

_“I never knew anything about my grandfather,” Mitchell says, “and I’m glad I didn’t. He sounded like a complete asshole. I have no idea how he would have reacted to having a gay grandson. He had passed away before I came out, and I guess I’m lucky it happened that way so it didn’t cause a huge fight in the family. Dad’s reaction was bad enough as it is, I can’t imagine how Grandpa Luke would’ve dealt with it.”_

* * *

_“Dinner was delicious,” Claire said, “and I took that as a good sign. Still, when Jay dropped me off, it was late and the kids were in bed, so there was nothing left to do but join Phil in the bedroom and let the bomb drop. Now that the moment was on me, my heart was pounding, and my mind was screaming for me to run out of the house and never see him again. I realized that was crazy, took a deep breath, and entered the room.”_

* * *

“Claire! There you are,” Phil said, giving her a soft kiss. He was already dressed for bed. Claire quickly found her nightgown and changed clothes. The two of them tucked under the covers, facing each other. In the dark, Phil didn’t notice the look of fear on Claire’s face.

“How was dinner?” Phil asked.

“Oh, good, good,” Claire muttered halfheartedly. It was her tone of voice that caught Phil’s attention.

“Did something happen?” Phil asked. Claire nodded, and tears were already starting to fall.

“What happened, babe?” he asked. “It was just dinner with your folks. Did you have a blowout or something?”

“No, Phil, this is…this is worse,” Claire said. _God Claire, don’t drag it out like this!_ she screamed at herself.

“How bad is it?” Phil asked, his voice betraying a level of panic Claire rarely heard. It only made her feel more upset.

“Phil, there’s something I have to tell you…”

“I kind of got that already. What is it?”

“It happened a long time ago, but I want you to know that I love you and I always will—”

“Now I get it. You’re cheating on me,” Phil said sourly. “Great! That’s just great! I knew you’d get bored with me and go off to find some excitement with some other guy.”

“Phil, be quiet! You’ll wake the kids!” Claire whispered harshly. “And it’s not what you think. This was before we were married, and I never saw the scumbag since.”

* * *

_“That was a bit untrue, given that college reunion,” Claire explains, “but I didn’t want to confuse Phil any worse than he already was. And now I was making it a huge deal and I just wanted to say it so it would be out there and Phil would stop panicking wondering what it was.”_

* * *

“Okay, okay,” Phil said, beginning to calm down. “So you weren’t sure about us, you were messing around with some other guy, maybe experimenting, and you chose me and kicked that guy to the curb. I guess,” he took a deep breath, “that’s not really okay, but it could be worse.”

Claire cringed. “It is worse.”

“What?” Phil shouted. Claire shushed him quickly. “Sorry. What?” he asked more softly. “Claire, you’re freaking me out. Can you just tell me what you have to say so we can deal with this?”

“Okay, okay!” Claire snipped. “We were having sex while I was having sex with you—”

“Oh my God.”

“—and there was some overlap right around the time I got pregnant for the first time.”

Phil felt a lead weight drop in his stomach. “So you’re saying—”

“Yes, I’m saying this,” Claire said, ready to finally rip off that Band Aid. “There’s a possibility that you’re not Haley’s biological father.”


	5. Fallout

_“His eyes stopped glimmering,” Claire recalls, looking fitful. “That was the scariest part of how that all started. It was like he totally disconnected from his happy, cheery self. I mean, obviously I understand why, but I didn’t expect he would react like that…”_

* * *

“What did you say?” Phil asked with a small smile on his face and a look of confusion in his eyes. Claire saw the spark go out. She felt nauseous.

“I said…” she began, clearing her throat, “I said Haley might…might not be your daughter.” She muttered the end of the sentence.

“Might not be my daughter…might not be my…” Phil’s eyebrows furrowed, but he still had that small smile on his face. “Who is he?” he asked, his tone growing darker. Claire’s lower lip was quivering.

“You know Phil, he’s not necessarily Haley’s father. It really could go either way.”

“So you were doing the deed with me and this other guy at the same time?” Phil’s flat expression was darkening into a scowl.

* * *

_“Swear to God, I thought I could see steam coming out of his ears,” Claire recalls. “I never thought I would be terrified of Phil. I was wrong.”_

* * *

“Well, if we’re going to be technical, yes, but—”

“If we’re going to be technical?” Phil growled. “Claire, you were sleeping around so much, you don’t even know if I’m Haley’s—” He suddenly choked up and looked like he almost might start crying, but he bit his lower lip and stared darkly at his wife.

“Phil, I…I’m really sorry,” Claire sputtered. “I never meant for this to happen. It’s just…I was really confused about what I wanted.”

“You’re not making it better, Claire!” Phil bellowed, standing quickly and pacing around the room, rubbing his temple. Claire reached out desperately to try to bring him back into the bed, but he was out of reach.

“Phil, I know this is bad, this is really bad, but if you just let me explain—”

“There’s nothing to explain, Claire,” Phil grumbled. “I just want to know one thing. Who was he?”

“That’s neither here nor there, you know I always wanted you to be the father of my—”

“ _Who is he?_ ” Phil shouted. He balled his hand in a fist and flailed it, but then dropped his arm down to his side.

“Phil, I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am.”

“You’re not answering the question,” Phil growled. “If I’m not Haley’s father, I want to know who is.”

“I never said you weren’t Haley’s father,” Claire snapped, now rising from the bed as well. “I said you _might_ not be her father. There’s still a pretty good chance that—”

“ _Pretty good?_ ” Phil shouted. “Up until now, I thought—no, I knew that I was Haley’s father. And after twenty years—Jesus, twenty years—twenty years you just drop this on me? Is this some kind of joke? Am I dreaming?”

“No, Phil, you’re not dreaming and I’m not joking,” Claire said, reaching out for him again, but pulling her arm away. She looked to be on the verge of tears.

Phil pinched himself in the arm and grimaced. “You’re right! Not dreaming! Oh my God…Claire…I don’t believe this!”

“Phil, could you lower your voice? You’re going to wake the kids.”

“Wake the kids, wake the kids!” he mocked, holding his arms out wide, and then crossing them in front of his chest. “Whose kids are they, Claire? Does Alex have some mystery man for a father? How about Luke? Are they all the same person or do we have three different baby daddies running around out there?”

“Phil, come on, you know Alex and Luke are yours.”

“Do I? _Do I?_ What am I supposed to believe? The whole reason…” He suddenly howled as if in pain. “God, the whole reason I married you was because I thought I was Haley’s father. Our entire marriage is based on a lie!”

“We married for far more than that reason,” Claire fought back. “That just sealed the deal.”

“Give me a break, Claire. I don’t even know if you ever loved me! You remember how many times I proposed? When you weren’t pregnant, you said no every time, every flipping time. Then the moment you knew we were having Haley you settled!”

“I did not settle and you know it!” Claire hissed.

“Let’s ask Jay about that,” Phil said. “He hates me—don’t even lift a finger,” he warned, as Claire was about to rebut, “You and I both know damn well your old man tolerates me at best! Gee, I wonder why that is. Oh, maybe it’s because he thought the whole reason we got married was because of Haley. No, it has nothing to do with us loving each other or anything like that! We got hitched to take care of the baby. And now we don’t even know if the baby is mine. What the…frig!” Phil grimaced and buried his head in his hands. Claire went over to massage his shoulders, but he batted her arms away. “Don’t touch me!”

They both heard stirring from a bedroom down the hall, but they thought nothing of it.

“You don’t even get how upset I am, do you?” Phil asked, sounding like a wounded animal.

“Of course I know how upset you are.”

“Bull…baloney!” Phil spat. “All these years, raising Haley as if she was my own, all of that and I might not even be her father. What even is that? What is that?” He looked like he would start crying again, but he tensed up. He scowled and slammed the wall with his fist. Claire dragged his arm away, and Phil didn’t shake her off this time.

* * *

_“I’ve never seen Phil get violent,” Claire reflects. “Not with anything. Him punching that wall…I felt like I was the one he wanted to punch.” Claire bites her lip and squeezes her eyes shut. A small tear trickles down her face. “God, what the fuck did I do?”_

* * *

“Phil, you’ve got to calm down. The kids are going to come in here and start asking questions, and do you really want them to hear about it like this?”

“How about the way you let me hear about it?” Phil hollered, wrenching his arm away and storming out into the hall. Claire rushed after him, and Phil suddenly turned and stared down at her menacingly. She cowered and took a few steps back.

“Phil, you have to listen to me,” Claire hissed. “Even if you aren’t Haley’s father, you’ve raised her so well. That girl sleeping in that room down the hall loves you fiercely and you love her just as much. Isn’t that all that matters?”

“You think that’s the only thing I’m upset about?” Phil yelled. There was more stirring in both of the children’s bedrooms now. “You were cheating on me, Claire! Was I not enough for you? Do you realize I can’t even assume you actually love me? Who the…who the hell is he?”

They heard the floorboards creaking from Luke’s room. They turned toward the door and stood tense as boards. The door opened, and a groggy Luke stepped out, rubbing his eyes.

“Are you two fighting?” Luke asked.

“Luke, you’re not going to believe this,” Phil started, but Claire yanked his arm.

“Phil, you’re not going to tell him like this!”

“Tell me what?” Luke asked, suddenly alert and trembling. “Tell me what, Dad?”

“Dad, ha!” Phil spat, chuckling madly. “Might want to start calling me Phil, buddy. Who the hell knows if I’m actually your father?”

“Dad, no, Mom,” Luke stammered, staring at Claire. “What the hell is he talking about?”

“I might not be Haley’s father!” Phil shouted, almost in a singsong voice. He chuckled madly again.

“Phil, oh my God, what are you doing?” Claire groaned, putting a hand on her forehead.

“Jesus Christ,” Luke said. “You’ve got to be kidding me! That’s fucked up.”

“Luke, watch your language and keep your voice down!” Claire hissed. “Do you really want to wake your sister and let her find out like this?”

“Might as well get it out in the open!” Phil shouted. “Haley! Alex! Get up! Your mother’s got a surprise for you!”

They heard stirring from the girls’ bedroom, and what sounded like Alex muttering.

“God damn it, Phil,” Claire hissed, “do you want to start a scene?”

“You started the scene twenty years ago!” Phil barked, pointing a finger at Claire and balling his hand in a fist again. “A whole big scene, like this was some kind of sick twisted daytime drama! The man finds out the child’s not really his, it actually belongs to…Claire, damn you, who the _frig_ else could it be?”

“Am I hearing what I think I’m hearing?” a timid voice asked. Claire, Phil, and Luke turned to see Haley standing in the door frame to her room, eyes wide and looking exhausted. Alex was behind her, looking just as dumbstruck.

“Yes, you heard right,” Phil said. “ _You might not be Daddy’s little girl!_ ”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, Phil!” Claire shouted. “This is hard enough as it is. Are you really going to make this worse?”

“Dad, oh my God, Dad,” Haley muttered, clutching her head on both sides. “Did you really just say I might not be your daughter?” Her voice cracked, and she and Claire both looked ready to cry.

“Jesus, I can’t…I can’t do this!” Phil said, storming back into the bedroom. Claire made to go after him, but Luke grabbed her arm and turned her towards Haley. Tears were freely streaming down her face.

“Haley, honey,” Claire said, going to try to comfort her daughter. She leaned back and slapped her mother in the face.

“Haley, Jesus!” Alex cursed, grabbing Haley’s arm before she could slap Claire again.

“Mom, what the fuck is he talking about?” Haley shouted, starting to cry again. “Mom, what the…” She sunk to the floor sobbing. Alex started rubbing her shoulders in an attempt to calm her down. Claire crouched down to Haley’s eye level.

“Honey, I…well, I guess I can’t hide it anymore. We’re not…I’m not completely sure Phil is your father.”

“You were cheating on Dad when I was…?” she asked timidly. Claire bit her lip and nodded. “Whore!” Haley shrieked, lunging at her mother. Alex quickly grabbed her and brought her gently to the ground. Haley sobbed loudly and buried her face in her hands.

Claire heard the sound of something heavy moving in the bedroom. She turned towards it, then back at Haley, then towards the bedroom again. She made her way to the bedroom.

“Slut!” Haley cried before sobbing even harder.

Claire opened the bedroom door to find Phil manically packing clothes in his luggage. Luke was behind his mother, peering over her shoulder.

“Phil, where the hell do you think you’re going?” Claire asked.

“Anywhere, Claire. Anywhere but here. A motel, hotel, inn, _something_! I can’t be here right now, I just have…this ball of rage…I can’t even, I can’t.” Phil then started packing again in full force.

“Dad, I don’t want you to go,” Luke pleaded softly.

“Sorry, Luke,” Phil said. “Wish I could help you understand what the chimichanga is going on around here.”

“Take me with you!” Luke cried. Claire turned and scowled at him.

“You’re not going anywhere,” Claire said menacingly.

“Dad’s right. I can’t stay here, either. This is so…this is so fucked.”

“Language!”

“Luke, better pack light!” Phil advised him. “We’re taking the sports car.”

“Phil, no, you can’t take Luke with you. I understand if you want to go, but I don’t want to lose my son, too…”

“Maybe you should’ve thought of that before you started sleeping around, Mom,” Luke remarked.

“Luke, that was twenty years ago,” Claire reminded him. “I had no idea it would come to this.”

“I didn’t either,” Phil shouted, “but here we are! Isn’t it great, isn’t it just great how your whole life can crash before your very eyes in one night?”

“Phil, please don’t…” Claire said. They could still hear Haley sobbing in the hall and Alex trying to comfort her. Claire let a few tears fall down her face, too.

Phil zipped up his luggage and lifted it. He barreled toward Claire.

“Excuse me, please!” he barked. Luke dragged Claire out of the way, and Phil hustled past with his two trunks. He stumbled down the stairs and tripped on the broken one, losing his balance and falling down the rest of the stairway.

“Phil!” Claire shouted, hurrying down the stairs, taking care to step over the broken one. “Are you okay?”

“What is okay?” Phil groaned. “When it can be taken away in an instant, what is okay? Is it just a lie we hold on to every day until the truth finally catches up with us?”

“Christ, Phil, at least let me help you up.”

“Nope! I got it!” Phil declared, using his luggage as support as he brought himself back to his feet. Claire stepped away from him, rubbing the cheek where Haley had slapped her. “You coming, Luke?” Phil shouted up the stairs.

“Give me a minute!” Luke shouted back down.

“Okay, you can take Luke,” Claire said. “Just make sure you stay safe.”

“I don’t need your permission, Claire!” Phil spat. “I’m not your fourth child you can just order around! And you are the biggest hypocrite, by the way. ‘Don’t be sniffing the secretary!’ ‘Eyes off that woman jogging down the street.’ ‘Quit staring at Gloria’s chest.’”

“Phil, that’s just sick, she’s your mother-in-law.”

“Stepmother-in-law, but that’s not the first thing that’s screwed up about this family, is it?”

“Phil, don’t you think this was hard on me, too?” Claire shouted, trying to hold back tears. “I was with you and him and I couldn’t know who the father was. I had to choose who I thought would be the better father to my child and I chose you, Phil! I chose you! And now you’re walking out on me?”

“You want to know why I’m walking out this door?” Phil asked. “Because you didn’t tell me twenty years ago that this might have happened. You never gave me a chance to take care of this then, and you waited twenty freaking years to finally bring this out in the open! I spent twenty years with the wool over my eyes. That’s almost half my life, Claire! Did you really think you could just keep on this charade and that I would never find out?”

“That’s why I told you just now!” Claire said desperately. “That’s why I just had to clear my conscience and get the truth out there. I thought maybe with twenty years of marriage our relationship would be strong enough to get through this.”

“Are you kidding me right now? You thought if you waited long enough, we’d love each other enough to get through this? That’s just gross.”

“I know, I know! I made a mistake!” Claire walked towards Phil, but he moved one of his trunks in front of his body. “Do you think if I had to do it over again that I would’ve made a mess of things like this? Don’t you think that I have regrets, that I might be just as hurt about my own choices as you are now?”

“You seemed to live with it for twenty years just fine,” Phil spat. “Claire, I can’t do this right now. I’m not ready to talk about it. Everything you say just sounds like venom. I can’t…Luke, are you ready yet?”

Luke’s head peeked out from the hall. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Watch the step on your way down!” Claire called. Luke rolled his eyes as he dragged his luggage downstairs.

“Do you really have to go, Luke?” Claire asked softly.

“I hope it hurt,” Luke said. “I hope it hurt when my sister slapped you. Let’s go, Dad.”

“Sure, buddy,” Phil said. He glared at Claire before turning and moving towards the door. He opened it and held it open with his back as he grabbed onto his luggage and beckoned Luke out the door. Luke dragged his own luggage out, and Phil walked away from the door as it shut behind him.

In the din that followed, Claire could hear that Haley had stopped crying. She couldn’t hear Alex either.

* * *

_“I was totally stunned,” Claire explains. “Blindsided. I just stood there in disbelief until I heard the car drive away. All of a sudden it became real to me that my marriage might be over…” Claire holds her head and cries. “I don’t want it to be over,” she mumbled._

* * *

_“I pinched myself and everything,” Phil recalls, “and I still wasn’t sure if I was dreaming. As I drove down the road with Luke, I kept wondering if I would wake up and be asleep next to my wife, married to the father of **all** my children._

* * *

_“I was really pissed at Mom,” Luke says bitterly. “I’m still pissed. I can’t even imagine what Haley and Alex are doing there with that…with Mom.” He shakes his head and sighs._

* * *

Claire finally moved back up the stairs, tripping on the broken step on her way up. She sighed and made it to the hall before she realized she heard fighting in her daughters’ bedroom. She crept to the door and listened.

“So you’re just going to run over to some guy you barely know and hope he has the magic words to make you feel better?” came Alex’s voice. “Don’t you think that’s taking advantage of him a little bit?”

“Do you expect me to stay here with that bitch?” Haley asked. The word hit Claire like a punch to the gut. She rubbed her cheek again.

“She’s still our mother. She’s still the one who’s taking care of you, of all of us. You can’t just walk out on her or on me.”

“You make it sound like I’m going away forever,” Haley remarked. “I just need to stay the night over somewhere else and get some sleep so I can clear my head and maybe calm down a bit.”

“Get some sleep? You’d better not be sleeping _with_ anyone, especially not Andy!”

“Oh my God, gross. I’m not that much of a slut, unlike you-know-what.” Another punch to the gut.

“You can’t just take advantage of him like that!” Alex shouted. “He’s not just some pillow you can cuddle to help you sleep at night. You haven’t even been on your first date yet.”

“Well, things changed,” Haley stated. “Until tonight, I didn’t expect Mom to drop a bombshell like this! You honestly think I want to be here after that?”

“You had your chance to leave with Dad and Luke. Why didn’t you just go with them?”

“Because I couldn’t even think, and by the time I thought of it, they were gone. So you can’t really blame me for falling back on Plan B.”

“Andy’s not just your Plan B!” Alex protested. “Andy is nothing to you right now. You want him to cuddle with you, tell you everything’s going to be okay, when he doesn’t know a thing about us or what’s going on? What makes you think he’s just going to let you in and let you cry on his shoulder?”

“Alex, give me some credit,” Haley said. “I think I know how boys think.”

“Haley, wait!” Alex cried. Claire backed away from the door as Haley opened it. She had a backpack on her back, carrying nowhere near the luggage Phil and Luke had just walked out with.

“Haley...” Claire said.

“Don’t, Mom. I’m leaving. I’ll see you later.” Haley stormed past her mother and down the stairs.

“Watch the step!” Claire called, but Haley stumbled as she stormed down the stairs and out the door.

Claire put her hand on her mouth and started choking on her tears. Alex came out of her room and put a hand on her mother’s shoulder. She moved in front of her and gave her a hug, which Claire accepted with a wave of relief.

* * *

_“Well, my sister had just slapped her and my brother had just walked out on her,” Alex explains, “so I figured Mom needed at least one of her children to help her get through this. What she did was totally indefensible and unjustifiable, but it was like everyone else in my family was totally blind to her pain. She was hurting, so what was I supposed to do?” Alex sighs and stares at the pillow on the couch. “What was I supposed to do?” she mutters._

* * *

_“It’s really hard for me to talk about this, okay?” Haley sputters. Her eyes are red, as if she hadn’t slept well at all before the interview. “Dad maybe isn’t my dad…what am I supposed to think? Am I upset at slapping Mom? Of course I am. Do I feel guilty calling her a whore and a slut? No question. But my world was turned totally upside-down, and I needed someone to talk to, and I couldn’t think of anyone else. So I took Mom’s car and headed over to Andy’s.” She looks at me give her a skeptical look and she giggles nervously. “I mean, duh, I texted him first to let him know I was coming. I’m not rude. And he was totally fine with it, so I’m not sad that I did that.”_

* * *

“ _Ok to come over?_ ” read the text that Haley sent to Andy. She had driven out of sight of the house, but hadn’t gone far in case Andy refused her simple message masking a cry for help. It didn’t take long at all for him to respond.

“ _Ok_ ,” his message read, and Haley sped off to get to his place as fast as possible.

Andy lived alone in an apartment complex near the freeway, so it was relatively easy to find by following the signs. It was maybe about ten minutes before she arrived at his place. She went up to the door and glanced over the pager buttons on the side of the entrance. Haley ran her finger over a few potential candidates for Andy’s unit, but shook her head and pulled out her phone.

“ _Let me in?_ ” she asked, and a short while later she heard the front door unlock. She quickly went inside and then got another text message.

“ _409_ ,” was all it said, but it was all she needed to know. She went to the elevator and hit the up button. After waiting for a little while, she sighed and went up the stairs instead. Three flights later, she was in the hallway looking for 409. She quickly found it around the corner and knocked on the door. Andy was just inside and ready to open it for her.

“I gotta say, I’m a little surprised that—” Andy’s greeting was interrupted by a tight hug, the little girl now in his embrace almost ready to burst in tears. Instinctively, he stroked her hair and hushed her until she felt better. She pulled out of the hug when she noticed something move against her waist, and she laughed a little out of embarrassment.

“Oh, geez,” Andy said. “Sorry to make you blush.”

“I take it as a compliment,” Haley said with a wink. She then looked downcast, staring at the floor. “But that’s not why I’m here.”

Andy wrapped an arm around her and led her to the couch. He sat her down and then took the seat next to her, looking at her intently and ready to listen to what was bothering her.

Haley told him everything, about how Claire had been hiding the dark secret for twenty years that Phil might not be her father. Andy nodded where it was appropriate, gasped at the horrific retelling of the chaotic moment when Phil found out, and cringed when he heard that Haley had slapped her mother.

“Haley,” he said warningly when she told him about that.

Haley held up a hand in protest. “Nope, I know what you’re thinking. It was abusive and totally uncalled for. And it was, but how was I supposed to react? I was freaking out and I had to react somehow or I felt like I was going to explode.”

“I get it, Haley,” Andy said. “I’ve punched a wall more than a few times in my life. I just wish you’d hit a wall instead of your mother.”

“I do, too,” Haley said, “and I have to say sorry for that and the name-calling. But I can’t go back there and face her again. She’ll never let me hear the end of it.”

Andy repositioned himself by sitting sideways on the couch, so his whole upper body was facing Haley. “I don’t think she’s in any position to be harassing you. She’s the one in the wrong here. It wasn’t your fault that she kept this secret. If anything, she should be apologizing to you for keeping the truth from you for so long.”

“You know what really sucks about all this?” Haley asked. “This whole thing might not mean anything. Dad might be my real father, and this whole thing might not have happened. Andy,” she said, sitting with her legs crossed on the couch and facing him, “do you think maybe we can go back to the way things were before all this? I mean, let’s just call Dad my actual dad and call it a day, right?”

“I don’t think it’s that simple,” Andy responded as he grimly shook his head. “You can’t just ignore what’s going on here.”

Haley groaned. “I wish this was just a bad dream.” She laid down with her head in Andy’s lap, crossing her arms and staring at the ceiling. Andy stroked her hair instinctively again, and she smiled as she felt that same awkward feeling now pushing against her head.

“Damn it, I’ve got to stop doing that!” Andy cried.

Haley just giggled incessantly. “Relax. You’re not the first guy that’s gotten a total hard-on for me.”

“I don’t even want to think about that,” Andy replied, grabbing a pillow on the side of the couch, lifting Haley’s head up, and placing the pillow on his lap before letting her gently back down. “We haven’t even had a first date yet.”

“Does this weekend still work for you?” Haley asked. “I know we’re just going to the mall, and that’s going to seem super boring compared to…well, this. But I think maybe I want a normal date to take my mind off this whole thing.

“You’ve got it, sister,” Andy said with a goofy grin, a grin that Haley would have cringed at a few months ago, but right now it made her belly flutter in a good way, and not in the way it had been fluttering all night.

* * *

_“I can’t believe how not awkward it was,” Haley recalls, looking far more relaxed. “It was like I could forget the whole thing was happening. But I knew I had to go back home sooner or later and make things cool with Mom. I mean, I always knew she was uptight and secretive about this kind of stuff, and she never told me what she was like as a kid. I thought she was just being a mom about it, but now that I get why she did that, I feel like I have to say sorry.” She looks around the room, as if to ensure we were alone. “I definitely don’t want to follow in her shoes. That makes a lot more sense now.”_

* * *

“Hey, you know I don’t like underage drinking, but do you want a glass of wine or something?” Andy asked. Haley sat up and grinned at him, putting him off a bit.

“You’re not trying to get a girl drunk and into bed, are you?” Haley teased, grabbing the pillow and hitting him in the face with it.

Andy wrested the pillow from her and tossed it to the floor. “No. I’m just trying to help you relax.”

“Well, duh,” Haley jibed, rolling her eyes. “I know you’re not that type of guy. And, well…you know, it’s a good change for me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m used to dating total morons and real jerks back in high school,” Haley said. “Well, when I wasn’t with Dylan, anyway, but he was pretty stupid, too. You’re not like any of those guys, though. You seem to have your life figured out. You’re smart and nice, and there’s no way that Coast Guard girl ever deserved you.”

“Wow, you sure you didn’t have some alcohol before you got here?” Andy asked with a laugh. Haley giggled and smiled. “No, never mind. I’m just not used to hearing so many compliments from a girl, especially not one as pretty as you.” He blushed and shook his head. “Oh, geez, here I go now!”

“It’s fine, Andy, really,” Haley said. She’d been waiting for him to go to the refrigerator, but she finally got up and headed there herself. He finally rose quickly and beat her over to the fridge, taking out a bottle of red wine. He rummaged through the drawers looking for the corkscrew. When he finally found it, he uncorked the wine, and a bit of vapor simmered near the top of the bottle.

“That looks great,” Haley said. Andy nodded and went to one of the top cabinets, fetching a few plastic cups.

“Sorry. I usually have friends bring over some wine glasses if we’re going to be drinking, but I didn’t expect any company tonight.”

Haley giggled. “That’s fine. I’ve drunk out of worse.”

“Had those red Solo cups at college?” he asked.

“Actually, the night I got arrested, they were blue, but whatever.”

“You got arrested?” Andy asked in shock.

Haley suddenly covered her mouth, stomping her foot on the ground. “Yeah, well, when I said I came home to earn some money before going back…that wasn’t completely true. I got drunk at a party and the school threw me out.”

“That really bites. I’m sorry,” Andy said. He then gave the wine bottle a skeptical look. “Well, you’re with me, so I’ll make sure the cops don’t haul you away this time.”

“Sounds good to me,” Haley said. Andy poured her some wine until the cup was half full. She rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand, directing the wine bottle to pour more in her cup until it was about three-fourths full.

“Okay, then,” Andy said. He poured himself a rather small amount, at least for Haley’s standards, and put the cork back in the bottle before returning it to the fridge and leading Haley back over to the couch.

They sat down and took a sip from their cups, Haley’s a bit more generous than Andy’s. For a while they had nothing to say, giving them a chance to reflect on the night’s events.

“My mom’s going to kill me when I go back home,” she realized. “I mean, maybe not too bad, since it’s you, but still.”

“Wait, what’s that supposed to mean?” Andy asked, looking offended.

“What? She just doesn’t see you as well, you know…a dangerous boy for me.”

“Oh ho! I’m not dangerous. Well, you tell her I dated someone in the military, and then see how she reacts.”

“She’s in the Coast Guard. That doesn’t count.”

“You stink,” Andy muttered, and Haley laughed heartily. He chuckled a bit as well. “Nah, but seriously. Do you think you’re going back home tonight, or do you need to crash here and cool off before you head back?”

“Definitely crash here,” Haley said, taking another big sip.

* * *

_“Okay, so I wanted to get a little drunk and maybe fool around a bit,” Haley admits. “You know, to get my mind off things. It always worked with Dylan…well, that and then some, but that’s not the point.” She clears her throat and continues. “I knew he was going to be a goody-two-shoes about it, so I figured that option is out. I was ready to settle for cuddling with him in bed, clothes on, with maybe a bit of hope he’d, you know, step out of his comfort zone. I mean, I didn’t even know if this guy was a virgin or not. I had no idea what his ex was like.” She tousled her hair and cleared her throat again. “Well, none of that happened, actually, which was probably a good thing. Like I said, didn’t want to be like my mother, right?”_

* * *

“You want to crash in my bed for tonight?” Andy asked. Haley’s stomach fluttered at the implication she thought she was sensing.

“Um…that sounds great, actually,” she said, taking a big sip of wine.

“Then I’ll take the couch,” Andy decided. Haley deflated, her hopes somewhat dashed, but unwilling to give up.

“You know,” she said, taking another sip, “I could use a big old teddy bear to hold me tight. Just a thought, throwing it out there. Take it or leave it.”

“My bed’s a twin size, so…not tonight. Sorry,” Andy said.

Haley whined a bit and took another sip. Her wine was almost gone. “Okay, _fine_. Have it your way. Don’t get used to turning down a girl like me, that is, if you want to keep her.”

“Keep her?” Andy asked. “I didn’t even think we were dating yet.”

“This doesn’t count as a date?” Haley asked. “Me pouring my heart out to you while we sip wine out of a plastic cup?” The two of them laughed, and Andy blushed a little.

“Okay, _maybe_ it was a bit of a date,” he said. “But right now I’m tuckered out and I just want to sleep. You should, too. It’ll help clear your head.”

“You’re right,” Haley said with a sigh, finishing her wine and getting up to throw the cup in the trash. “Okay, hotshot,” she said, “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Sleep well, Haley,” Andy said, already lying down on the couch and getting as comfortable as possible. Haley stood in the frame of his bedroom door and stared at him.

“Last chance, hotshot,” she said.

“Goodnight,” Andy replied.

Haley chuckled and shut the door quietly.


	6. Please Come Home

Luke and Phil were sullen on their search for a motel. Now that the initial shock and anger in the house had cooled off, it was difficult to find anything to say.

“Is it possible you’re not my dad?” Luke asked.

Phil sniffled, his eyes glued to the road.

“Just keep looking for a motel, buddy,” he said.

Luke stared out the window at the buildings they drove past. This was an unfamiliar part of Cheviot Hills, but neither of them wanted to admit that they were lost.

“Can’t you just look one up on that GPS thing?” Luke asked. Phil shook his head and actually let out a small smile.

“Always thinking on your feet, buddy,” Phil said. “Take us to the nearest motel,” he said to the GPS. It responded by providing them with directions to a motel about a mile from where they were.

“Hope this place is in decent shape,” Phil mused as he took the next right.

For a while, it was just the sound of the GPS giving directions and the sound of the car humming. Luke groaned and turned to look at Phil.

“I can’t believe this is happening right now,” he said glumly.

“Never would have thought we’d be crashing at a motel for the night,” Phil said.

“No, not that. This just doesn’t make any sense. Mom was seeing you and some other jerk at the same time. She couldn’t have gone on, like, birth control or something?”

Phil sighed.

* * *

_“Sex has always been a deeply uncomfortable subject for me to discuss with my kids,” Phil explains, staring at the floor. “Luke especially. See, he had all these questions about how this could have happened, and I thought I knew exactly how to answer them. But after what Claire told me, I was just as clueless as he was.”_

* * *

“Grandpa and Nana, they were…a bit old-fashioned,” Phil explained to Luke. “Or, Jay was dead set against the idea, and DeDe might as well have been sticking her fingers in her ears whenever it came up in conversation. So Claire and I decided as long as we used condoms, we’d be okay.”

“Guess it didn’t help after all, though, huh?” Luke asked. Phil took a deep breath and took a left.

“Never thought I’d be telling you about this,” Phil said, “but this is what I thought had happened. After that Duran Duran concert, we found out that the condom had a tear in it.”

“How’d you find that out?”

“Luke…” Phil said, cringing. “It’s just…let’s not worry about how we knew, okay? We just knew. And this was about a week after the concert, so the, you know, morning after pill was out of the question. But if this is actually some other guy’s kid, I have no idea how that could have happened.”

“I see,” Luke said, nodding and scratching his chin. “Do you think I could start growing a beard? I think I feel a little peach fuzz…”

* * *

_“Oh my God,” Luke recounts, “I really wanted to change the subject. All this crap about morning after pills and condoms, it was really, really weird talking to Dad about it. And I could tell it was just making him upset, so I threw out the first thing I could think of.” He squirms in his seat. “It didn’t work.”_

* * *

“Luke, buddy, I know this is really uncomfortable right now,” Phil said, using a free hand to rub him on the shoulder. Luke looked sullenly out the window. “We just…we just have to get used to this. I mean…oh, who am I kidding? I’m just as lost as you are. I have no idea what to do.” Phil’s breath was picking up and he almost missed the right turn he needed to get on the street where the motel was, about a half mile ahead.

“Dad, don’t freak out,” Luke implored, “because if you start freaking out, then what the hell am I supposed to do?”

Phil took a solemn breath. “You’re right. We just have to keep our cool for a while. I don’t…I don’t think it’s a good idea to go back home in the morning, though. This is just…well you said it best, so I won’t repeat it.”

“Fucked?”

“Yeah, that,” Phil said, shuddering. “We need to find a place we can be for longer than one night. Got any ideas?”

“How about Grandpa’s house?” Luke asked.

Phil shook his head in disbelief. “Buddy, that’s great that you’re thinking, but that’s not really a good idea. Jay’s going to be really ticked off at me for ditching Claire, and with Gloria there—”

Luke slapped him on the arm. “I meant your dad, Dad,” he said.

“Oh,” Phil said, slowly nodding his head. “Okay, that makes…that makes more sense. Yeah, I’ll call him in the morning, see if we can’t stay at his place.”

They saw the motel on the right, so Phil turned into it and parked in an open spot. The lot was deserted, and the building was in need of a fresh coat of paint, as well as a few windows.

“This looks…” Phil said, dumbfounded.

“What?”

“Never mind, let’s just go in. Can’t be that bad for one night.”

* * *

_“I’m telling you, we were the only ones at that place,” Phil reflects. “I was afraid of faulty power, leaking roofs, drug deals happening outside our window. But I knew we were just checking in, sleeping a few hours, and then getting out as early as possible to start for my dad’s. I just hoped we weren’t mugged in our sleep or something.”_

* * *

They entered the motel and saw nobody at the front desk. There was a rusted bell, however, so Phil rang it. They heard a croaking voice call out from behind a door marked “Employees Only.”

“Take an empty room!” the voice hollered. “Leave a twenty on the desk!”

Phil looked at Luke in horror. “I don’t have a twenty. I never carry cash anymore.”

“That’s okay, Dad. I’ve got it,” Luke pulled out his wallet and extracted a twenty dollar bill, which he put on the desk.

“Okay, Luke, let’s just…let’s just find a room, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.”

They took their luggage with them to the room nearest the exit marked 104. They knocked on the door and heard nothing. Phil carefully opened the door just a crack and peered inside. The room looked deserted.

“Okay, lucky shot on the first try. Go, go, get in.” Phil and Luke hurried into the room and shut the door behind them.

“Does it lock?” Luke asked. Phil tried to move the deadbolt, but it seemed to be rusted shut on the door.

“Of course not,” Phil said with a nervous laugh.

“You sure we can’t find somewhere else to stay?” Luke asked.

“Good point. Let’s get out of here.” They left the room with their luggage and ran into a morbidly obese woman in her sixties taking the twenty from the desk.

“You’re leaving already?” she asked. “Fucking typical.”

“What do you mean?” Luke asked. Phil tried to get him to be quiet, but Luke ignored him.

“You think I’m some kind of charity case?” the woman asked. “You left your payment, you’re staying in the room.”

“We really appreciate the hospitality,” Phil said, turning on his realtor charm. “We just found the conditions of the room…less than ideal.”

“Oh, really?” the woman snapped. “The hell’s wrong with it?”

“The door doesn’t lock,” Phil explained.

The old woman laughed, and it sounded as though she were actually wheezing. “Yeah, okay. Room 107 has a working lock, and I know it’s vacant ’cause the hooligans staying there had to flee from the cops. Don’t worry, they’ve already done their CSI crap in there, they gave me the all clear.”

“Okay, thank you,” Phil said, leading Luke down the hall.

“It might smell a little in there,” the woman warned them. “I couldn’t get the stink of pot completely out of the sheets.”

“Thank you!” Phil called, shuffling Luke forward down the hall.

When they entered the room, the reek of marijuana was indeed the first thing they noticed. Phil started to feel dizzy, so they tried to open a window to let the stench out, only to discover it was stuck to the windowsill.

* * *

_“I can stand the smell of a little pot,” Luke boasts, but quietly, so as not to be overheard. “I’ve tried it a few times in the back woods behind the high school. Manny tried it once, too, but he was whining the whole time about getting in trouble and what his mother would think. We decided he shouldn’t come again, and Manny agreed. We just had to make sure he wouldn’t rat us out.”_

* * *

_“That smell is just repugnant,” Manny complains. “Awful, awful odor. I’ll never partake in recreational drugs ever again. But still…” he adds, eyes darting around nervously, “it did feel kind of good for a few minutes.”_

* * *

“Let’s just…let’s just go to bed,” Phil said, taking off his shoes and socks and lying in the bed closest to the door.

“We’re sleeping in our clothes?” Luke asked.

“I want to fall asleep as fast as possible,” Phil replied, face wrinkled with anguish. “If I even can sleep…”

“All right,” Luke said, throwing off his shoes and socks and taking the other bed.

The two of them stared at the ceiling, which was covered in mold that formed strange shapes. Phil closed his eyes for a little while, taking deep breaths, but he shook his head and opened his eyes again.

“Was there something wrong with me?” he asked. Luke opened his eyes and stared at his dad.

“What did you say?” Luke asked, knowing full well what Phil had said.

Phil looked back at his son and sighed. “I was talking to myself, buddy,” Phil said. “It would be wrong of me to ask you something like that.”

“Well, you’re definitely not wrong for Mom,” Luke replied, feeling an upset squirming in his stomach. “You’ve been married for like a hundred years.”

Phil chuckled, but it was more of a dark chuckle than a happy one. He looked back up at the ceiling.

“You have a point, buddy. It’s just...” He took another deep breath. “I’ve been married to her for twenty years, and all along I thought there were no secrets between us. I told her everything, and she told me what I thought was everything. But now that this has come out, I can’t trust her anymore. What else is she lying about? What else is she hiding?”

“Don’t talk like that,” Luke said, looking sternly at his father. “You know she loves you, right?”

“No.”

“Dad, come on. She’s all about you, me, and my sisters. You can’t argue against that.”

“She could have been overcompensating,” Phil said, but then he groaned. “No, no. Totally inappropriate. You’re fifteen years old. You’re my kid. You’re not supposed to be my crutch.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Luke said, resisting the urge to get up and pat his father on the head. “You know, kids at school say I’m very mature for my age.”

“Do they?”

“Um…no,” Luke said. “I was kind of bluffing.”

Phil chuckled more warmly this time. “Maybe I should call my own dad.”

“Yeah, good idea,” Luke said.

Phil took out his smartphone and almost dialed his father, but he put his phone back in his pocket.

* * *

_“I was going to call him,” Phil says despondently. “But then again, Claire showed me I’m not that close to my dad anyway. I hate to admit it, but she’s right about that. And with mom gone…who else was I going to talk to? I was an only child, so no brothers or sisters to help me out. I couldn’t tell anyone in Claire’s family._

* * *

“What gives?” Luke asked. “Not calling Grandpa?”

“I don’t think you would get it,” Phil said. “Me and him…I mean, we joke around and he helps me with projects around the house, but I’ve never really had a deeper connection with him. I still don’t know what happened between him and Grandma before she died. But I don’t think you would understand that.”

* * *

_“I do understand that,” Luke says. “Sounded exactly like me and him. But I couldn’t say that, so I kind of just laid there.”_

* * *

“We are going to see him, right?” Luke asked. “Maybe it’ll be different in person.”

“Sure, maybe,” Phil mused. “Let’s just try to get some shut-eye.”

“Okay.”

Luke and Phil stared at the ceiling again, quickly glancing at each other from time to time before looking away again. They closed their eyes and tried to sleep.

* * *

_“Alex and I were texting her non-stop,” Claire says in a rush. “I think she turned off her phone. But I don’t know where the hell she went. I mean, I know she likes this Andy guy, but that didn’t mean she was telling the truth about going to see him.”_

* * *

Claire was about to send her sixth text when Alex put a hand on her shoulder.

“Forget it,” she said. “She’s not going to answer us. When has she ever returned a text when she was with Dylan, or any other one of her boy toys?”

Claire coughed a bit and put a hand on her forehead. “I just want to know my baby is safe.”

“I’m just as worried as you are,” Alex said. “Let me try again.” Her thumbs typed frantically and she hit send immediately.

“ _Where the hekk are yiou?_ ” it read.

“Oh my God,” Alex said. “I just sent a misspelled text.”

“You’re really worried about her,” Claire said. “So am I.” She paced around the room and suddenly thought of something.

“We can drive and search for her,” she said. “You know where Andy lives, right?”

“Actually,” Alex said hesitantly, “that’s never really come up in conversation.”

“Are you serious?” Claire asked, then she raised her voice. “Are you kidding me right now?”

“Mom, I’m sorry!” Alex cried, cringing at the sound of her mother’s harsh voice.

“Well, my dad should know. Andy’s been working for him taking care of Joe.” Claire quickly dialed the phone.

“Claire, it’s one in the morning. What’s wrong?” Jay asked.

“I told Phil,” Claire said.

“You did what?” he asked.

“Jay, what is the trouble?” Gloria asked. Claire could faintly hear her in the background.

“Gloria, I can handle it,” Jay said. “It’s more of a father-daughter thing. You wouldn’t understand.”

“ _Mierda_ I wouldn’t understand!” Gloria shouted. “Tell me what’s wrong, Jay.”

“Claire, I’m sorry. Hold on.” Jay covered the end of the phone and stared down Gloria.

“Gloria, listen to me,” he said with a scowl. “There are some things I would like to keep private with my family.”

“I am your family, too!” she objected.

“No, I mean it. This is a very delicate situation, and Claire and I are the only ones who know about it.”

* * *

_“I then remembered Claire had just said Phil knows about it, too,” Jay says, “but the fewer people I let on to Gloria about, the more likely she would leave me alone. Boy, though, she can be stubborn.”_

* * *

“Jay, I want to help!” Gloria cried. “I love Claire, and I want to be there for her just as much as you do.”

“Gloria, I know you mean well, but I’m her father. No one on this planet can be there for her like I can.”

“Dad? What the hell’s going on?” Claire’s voice came through the muffled phone.

“One second,” Jay said. Claire groaned, but Jay had to ignore it. “Gloria, please. I wasn’t there for Claire when she was growing up. Give me a chance to make up for it now.”

Gloria’s mouth flapped, but she couldn’t find an adequate response. Jay left the bedroom and went downstairs.

“I’m sorry, Claire,” he said. “The wife just wants to help.”

“I know, I get it,” Claire said. “Look, I told Phil what happened and he told all the kids and Luke and Phil packed up and left and I have no idea where the hell Haley is and Alex is here with me trying to be strong but—”

“Slow your roll, Claire,” Jay interceded. “So the kids know, and two of them and Phil left. I’m not worried about Phil and Luke. He’s not going to let anything happen to that kid. What we need to focus on is Haley. Have you tried to get her on the phone?”

“What do you think, Dad?” Claire shouted, but then she took a stiff breath and lowered her voice. “Alex and I texted her like a million times and she hasn’t answered.”

“Okay, that doesn’t surprise me,” Jay said. “I just had to rule that out. Did she say anything about where she was going?”

“That’s why I’m calling,” Claire said. “I think she ran off to Andy’s place and I don’t know where he lives. I was hoping you could tell me.”

“Shit, Claire, I have no idea where the hell he lives. Gloria keeps track of that…Gloria!” he called to the bedroom, making his way back up.

“What is it, Jay?” she said with a biting tone as he entered the room.

“I need your help with something. We need to know—”

“Oh, _now_ you need my help?” Gloria asked viciously. “Well, why in the hell should I help you now?”

“Damn it, Gloria,” Jay shouted, but then he took a breath. “Okay, Haley’s missing and we think she’s with Andy. Do you know where he lives?”

“Yes, I do. Three-three-two-four Castle Heights Ave.”

“Did you get that, Claire?” Jay asked. “He’s at Waterstone. You know how to get there, right?”

“Alex can get directions with her phone,” Claire said. “Wait, what’s his apartment number?”

“Apartment number, Gloria?” Jay asked.

“ _Aye aye aye_ , I don’t know,” Gloria cried, putting a hand on her forehead.

“Four-oh-nine,” Manny said, suddenly entering the room.

“How long have you been standing there?” Jay asked.

“Well, I heard you and Mom arguing,” Manny started. “What was that all about?”

“Never mind that now,” Jay said. “You sure it’s four-oh-nine?”

“Absolutely. He told me in a rather interesting conversation about the woman next door in four-oh-seven, and assuming the rooms are organized by the odd-even standard, deductive reasoning concludes that—”

“Wait,” Jay said. “So you don’t _know_ it’s four-oh-nine?”

“It is four-oh-nine,” Gloria said. “He told me four-eleven’s been empty for months.”

“You two better be right,” Jay grumbled. “Claire, got that? Four-oh-nine.”

“Got it. Thank you so much, Dad.”

“Any time,” Jay said before hanging up.

“Jay, what’s going on?” Manny asked. “Do we need to confront Andy in his apartment? As far as I know, he’s been wonderful to Joe.”

“We think Haley’s over there,” Jay said, “and she’s not returning Claire’s texts or phone calls.”

Manny raised an eyebrow. “Why would Haley be over there?”

“Manny, it’s not important,” Gloria said. “Jay, we have to help Claire find Haley. Your _nieta_ needs help, and we don’t actually know she’s over there. We must do the search and rescue. We have to—”

“Search and rescue? Does that mean Haley’s…?” Manny started taking quick, heaving breaths.

“Gloria, hold on. Manny, breathe,” Jay said. “If Claire needs our help, she’ll let us know and we’ll help her. But it’s a delicate situation right now, and we need to let Haley’s mother find her daughter.”

“Isn’t Phil going to help?” Manny asked.

“Yeah, he’s looking, too,” Jay said stiffly.

“Okay, that’s good,” Manny said. “I think I can breathe again.”

“Perfect. Now, we should be awake in case Haley calls one of us, so let’s get ourselves some coffee so we don’t pass out.”

“Tea for me, please,” Manny requested.

“Sure, whatever,” Jay said. “Let’s just go.”

* * *

_“I was worried about Haley’s well-being,” Manny says, and behind his look of concern, I noticed a sparkle in his eye. “She means a lot to me, and I didn’t want to lose her. No one could ever replace her…” He then looks at me, horrified. “Don’t tell anyone I said that!” he pleads._

_“I’m just an observer,” I remind him._

_“Oh, right,” Manny says, taking a deep breath. “That’s a relief.”_

* * *

_“It was killing me, not knowing where my granddaughter was,” Jay says, “and I would have been the first one out looking for her…well, second to Claire, of course. But if she was running away from home, she might have gone here. And besides, we knew Andy wouldn’t be a danger to her in the slightest, if that was where she was going. Then I realized there was something simple we could do to make sure Haley was all right.”_

* * *

“We should call Andy,” Jay said.

“Brilliant!” Manny said.

Gloria was already searching through her contacts for him. He wasn’t hard to find at the top of the list, and her hands shook as she called him.

The phone rang for what seemed like forever, and then finally Andy picked up.

“Gloria?” he asked groggily.

“Andy! You picked up! Where’s Haley?”

“She’s fine,” Andy said. Haley got out of Andy’s room when she heard him talking on the phone. She shook her head frantically, but Andy signaled for her to wait. “She’s with me.”

“Don’t say that!” Haley whispered harshly. “They’re going to come after me.”

“Are you at your apartment?” Gloria asked. She was bouncing up and down nervously.

“Yes,” Andy replied.

“Yes what?” Haley hissed. “What did you say yes to?”

“Claire is on her way to take her home,” Gloria said. “We’re all worried about her.”

“I understand that, Gloria, but she doesn’t want to come home right now.”

“Oh my God,” Haley groaned, going to the couch and sprawling out on it.

“That’s _loco_. Haley has to be home safe,” Gloria said. “I don’t know what happened or why she’s with you, but her family is worried about her and want to make sure she’s okay.”

“I can assure you she’s safe with me,” Andy said. Haley started rubbing her temple.

“Andy, this is very important!” Gloria said. “Why is she even over there?”

“I can’t tell you that,” Andy said with a grimace. He gave Haley an anxious look.

“Hang up!” she pleaded.

“No, you must tell us what happened,” Gloria implored him. “Was she out doing the drinking? Is she on the run from the law?”

“Gloria, what the hell is he talking about?” Jay asked, but Gloria shook her head.

“No, no, it’s nothing like that,” Andy said. “She’s just…she and her mom got into a fight and they need time to cool off.”

“A fight about what?” Gloria asked.

“There’s been a fight?” Manny asked.

“Look, I can’t really say what it is,” Andy said.

“Tell her you don’t know,” Haley hissed.

“I don’t even know what it’s about. She didn’t tell me,” Andy said, wincing and grinding his teeth.

“Can we talk to her?” Gloria asked, with Jay and Manny nodding earnestly.

“She doesn’t want to come to the phone right now,” Andy said.

Haley shook her head and grabbed the phone from him.

“Gloria, I’m okay,” Haley said.

“Haley, _aye aye aye_ , what are you doing? Why have you gotten into the argument with your mother?”

“Gloria,” Jay said, beckoning for her to give him the phone. “I think I can handle this.”

“Uh…here’s Grandpa,” Gloria said, handing the phone to Jay.

“Haley,” Jay said curtly, “first of all, you can cut the crap with me. I know what happened between you and Claire.”

“You mean you know…?”

“Yes, I know. Now look. I understand that this would make you upset, but your mother is worried sick about you and she just wants you home safely.”

“But I’m with Andy,” Haley said. “He’s totally harmless. I’m safe with him.”

Andy beamed, and Haley gave him a nervous smile.

“Well, you don’t have to convince me,” Jay said. “Your mother is on her way, and you really have to talk to her.”

“Absolutely not,” Haley said. “There’s no way I can trust her with anything now.”

“Haley,” Jay said with a grimace, “she’s still your mother and she still loves you. She only wants what’s best for you, and you’d be better off at home. You have to work through...” he hesitated, seeing Gloria and Manny waiting with bated breath, “this thing with your mother, and you can’t do that without being face to face.”

“Grandpa, I don’t need this tonight,” Haley said. “I have to take some time away from home to calm down so I don’t freak out at my mom and make things worse.”

“Haley, that’s…” Jay paused for thought. He took a deep breath. “That’s very thoughtful of you. I just don’t think your mother’s going to see it that way.”

Suddenly Jay’s phone rang. He looked at Gloria and pointed at the phone. She nodded and answered it.

“Dad, I’ve got a problem,” Claire said.

“Not your _papa_ , Claire,” Gloria said. “He’s talking to Haley.”

“What? Tell him to make her come down from there and talk to me!”

“Why don’t you go up there?” Gloria asked.

“The door’s locked. I can’t get in.”

* * *

_“I couldn’t believe I didn’t realize that before I left,” Claire says. “Here Alex and I were, stranded down on the bottom of the apartment, with my daughter four floors up and totally out of reach. I mean, what were we going to do, wait for someone to open the door?”_

* * *

“I’ll buzz Andy,” Alex said, pressing the button for 409.

“Who the hell is that?” Haley asked.

“Hold on,” Andy said, pressing the button to call out.

“Who is it?” he asked.

“Andy, it’s just me, Alex. I know Haley’s up there. You have to let me in so I can talk to her.”

“Who did you drive with?” he asked.

* * *

_“He called my bluff,” Alex recalls. “I was hoping if Haley thought it was just me, then she would have told Andy to let us in, and Mom could’ve had a chance to bring her home.”_

* * *

“Andy, listen to me,” Claire said, muscling past Alex to the pager on the wall. “I know you’re just trying to help my daughter, but she needs to come home so we can work through this.”

“All due respect, Mrs. D,” Andy replied, “but it’s really late. Wouldn’t it be better for her to sleep over here and cool off? She can come home in the morning.”

Haley sighed. “Hold on, Grandpa,” she said as she went over to the pager in Andy’s apartment. “Mom, it’s me.”

“Haley, thank God, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Mom, and I think Andy’s right. It would be better for me to come home in the morning so we can talk this out. I’m exhausted, and I need some rest, and a lot of shit happened at home that I just need a break from.”

“Haley, that’s…that’s okay. Why don’t you come home tomorrow say at like three the latest. It’ll give you a chance to sleep in.”

“Thank you, Mom, that’s all I wanted,” Haley said, breathing a sigh of relief. “I’m glad we can finally agree on something.”

“Well, I still love you very much,” Claire said, “and that’s something I have never lied about. You have a good night’s rest, sweetie, and I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.”

“Bye, Haley!” Alex called as she and Claire walked away from the apartment.

“Thanks, Gloria,” Claire said. “We came to a compromise. I feel better now.”

“ _Muy bien_ , Claire, that’s wonderful news. Get some good sleep tonight, okay?”

“I will. Thanks for the help, Gloria.”

“You’re welcome. Any time.” Gloria hung up the phone.

“Haley, I’m proud of you,” Jay said over the phone to her. “You and your mother will get through this. And if you need anything, and I mean _anything_ , you can always talk to your grandpa.”

“Thank you so much,” Haley said. “I’ve got to go. Bye.”

“Take care,” Jay said before hanging up.

Jay, Gloria, and Manny breathed a collective sigh of relief.

“So what is going on?” Manny asked. “Obviously it’s serious, given Jay’s tone, but no one’s willing to talk about it.”

“Yes, Jay, what is this problem really about?” Gloria asked.

“I’ve been sworn to secrecy,” Jay said, holding his hands in front of him. “I’m not allowed to talk about it until Claire and Haley are ready.”

“So we’ll find out eventually?” Manny asked, crossing his arms and giving Jay a skeptical look. Gloria glared at him as well.

Jay balked and smiled nervously. “I can’t make any promises, but when Claire and Haley are ready to discuss it, I’ll be the first to tell you what’s going on. Is that enough for now?”

Gloria and Manny continued to glare at him, but Manny unfolded his arms and relaxed his gaze.

“I suppose that’s tolerable for now,” he said. “Mom, think we can let this one go for now?”

Gloria looked at Manny but then sighed. “Fine. You know I don’t like this secret-keeping, but I can’t make you say anything you’re not ready to talk about yet.”

“There we go,” Jay said. “Now, let’s get some shut-eye and get a fresh start in the morning. I don’t know about you, but I’m dog tired.”

“Agreed,” Manny said, letting out a big yawn. “Have a good night, Mom, Jay.”

“Sleep tight,” Gloria said, waving to her son as he dragged himself back upstairs and into his room. Gloria looked at Jay with concern.

“I can understand you don’t want to talk to Manny,” she said. “He’s only a little boy. But why can’t you tell your wife?”

“This is strictly a Pritchett thing,” Jay said. “I’ve already explained this.”

“Fine,” Gloria said, pouting. “Let’s just go get the sixty winks.”

“It’s forty,” Jay corrected her.

“I’m too tired to care,” she replied, leading the way up the stairs and into their bedroom, where they both laid down and fell into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

_“How was I supposed to sleep with all this hell going on?” Jay asks. “My daughter’s family was falling apart, and we barely stitched together a part of it that night. And I want to step in and help her make things right, but Phil and I have never been real buddy-buddy, and he was the key to bringing their family back together. I just had to wait until the morning to see what was going to come. Take it one day at a time, you know?”_

* * *

Claire and Alex were brooding on their drive back to their house.

“I just don’t believe it,” Claire said. “How could this all happen in one night?”

“I don’t know, Mom,” Alex griped. She buried her head in her hands and groaned loudly. “This is insane.”

“I know it is,” Claire said. “I’m just glad at least you’re still talking to me.”

“Well,” Alex said, “I’ve always felt like you and I have had the stronger of my two parental bonds.”

“I know you and Phil aren’t that close,” Claire said, “and this must make things even more confusing. But we just need to,” she choked up, “we just need to hold it together and work this out.”

“Oh, please, Mom,” Alex said in desperation. “You’re just as lost as the rest of us.”

Claire let a tear trickle down her cheek. “You’re wrong about that, Alex. I’m the most lost.”

* * *

_ “Of course it was selfish of me to say that,” Claire says. “Phil and Haley had never seen this coming, they were more lost than I was. I just felt like I was in such chaos that I had to vent to someone, and I just hoped my daughter would understand what I meant when I said that. Well…” she hesitates, biting her lip, “that’s if I even understood what I meant.” _


	7. You're Still My Dad

_“We woke up that morning feeling groggy and miserable,” Phil explains, rubbing Luke’s shoulders as he sits next to him. “That was a really nasty motel and we had a really hard time sleeping.”_

_“It was shitty,” Luke says._

_“Buddy, language,” Phil scolds, looking stern but too tired to follow through with disciplinary action. “Our goal that day was to get out of there as fast as possible and head straight to my dad’s house.”_

* * *

“Don’t we have to check out at the desk?” Luke asked as Phil was pushing him along through the hallway with their sparse luggage.

“Not when we could run into shady fellows in this part of town. We have to get to Grandpa’s. Are you sure you packed everything?”

“I don’t know,” Luke said, “you kinda rushed us out the door before I could really check.”

“Well it’s too late now,” Phil said as they got to the car and opened the trunk to put in their luggage. “If we left anything there, I’m sure it will be left to rot for all of time.”

“What are you talking about?” Luke asked.

“Nothing, just get in the car,” Phil said abashedly. He and Luke hopped in quickly. Phil programmed the GPS to direct them to Frank Dunphy’s house, and the two were on their way as soon as the GPS gave them their first direction.

* * *

_“That place was straight up creepy,” Phil says. “I can’t believe how insane we must have been to choose to stay there. But I guess I was a little delirious after finding out Haley might not be my kid. I mean, that’s a blow right to the old manhood, don’t you think?” Phil waits for a response from me. I have nothing to say. “Impartial observer,” Phil mutters, low enough to pretend it was under his breath, but definitely loud enough for me to hear it._

* * *

_“Dad and I didn’t talk very much on that car ride,” Luke explains. “That car ride was super awkward. I guess he just didn’t want to talk after everything we said the night before, or maybe he ran out of things to say and was just thinking about it too much. I didn’t really know what to think. I mean, it didn’t really affect me at all, I’m pretty sure he’s my dad.” Luke looks at me and sighs._

* * *

_“We finally got to my dad’s house,” Phil says. “Luke was so quiet in the car, it was creepy. But I figured when I got to see my dad he’d loosen up a little, and maybe we could have a discussion on what to do next. I know Luke and I were both feeling lost, and we needed someone to steer us in the right direction.”_

* * *

They got out of the sports car and went to get their luggage. Frank apparently had seen them from inside, because he came out in pajamas and a bathrobe, holding a mug of coffee, with ugly slippers on his feet. Phil dropped his luggage and gave his dad a big hug.

“How’s it going, champ?” Frank asked. “This is an unexpected surprise, seeing you and Luke here. Where are the girls?”

“It’s a long story,” Phil said.

Frank looked concerned. “Is everything alright?” he asked.

“I’ll explain inside,” Phil said. “Come on, Luke.”

Luke and Phil followed Frank into the house. They set their luggage in the living room for now, and the three of them sat down at the dining room table.

“I’m glad you got out of Florida and came out west,” Phil said. “It’s good to have you close by, especially right now.”

“It was tough giving up that house of ours,” Frank said, “but it was worth it. So, what’s eating you, son? How come Claire and the granddaughters aren’t here?”

“Be careful when you say granddaughters,” Phil said. “The older one might not be related to me by blood.”

“Um, come again?” Frank asked.

* * *

_“That had to be one of the most awkward conversations I’ve ever had with my dad,” Phil recalls. “I told him everything that had happened the night before, everything I knew, and he just sat there with a look of shock on his face. I could tell Luke was really uncomfortable about being there, but there wasn’t much I could do to help that.”_

* * *

“Golly,” Frank said. “I’m really sorry about what happened. Um...do you want a cup of coffee? How rude, I didn’t even bother to offer one when you came in.”

“No thanks, Dad,” Phil said.

“I’ll take one,” Luke said.

“Luke, come on now, you’re not old enough...oh, forget it. I don’t really care at this point.”

“One steaming cup o’ Joe coming right up,” Frank said with a wink. He walked out into the kitchen to get a fresh cup from the batch he had made this morning.

“Luke,” Phil said in a whisper, “check your phone. Maybe one of the girls back home gave you an update.”

“Oh crap, yeah,” Luke said. He took out his phone and saw that it was out of battery. “No good. I forgot to charge it last night.”

“Not that it would have mattered, the room had no working outlets, remember?” Phil asked.

Luke chuckled a little bit. “That room was really bad, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, it sure was, buddy,” Phil said with a laugh of his own. “Why don’t you see if you can plug that sucker into the wall, see if someone’s reached out.”

* * *

_“That little moment where we were laughing,” Phil says, “I didn’t want to say anything or it would ruin it, but that was a relief. It was good that we could still make some humor out of a bad situation. It must have been because we were at my dad’s, he always reminds me that laughter is the best medicine.”_

* * *

Luke plugged the phone into the wall with a charger he had packed in his luggage. He had gotten a text from Alex, actually.

“It’s Alex,” Luke said. “She wants to know where we are.”

“Is that really Alex asking, though?” Phil asked.

“What?” Luke said.

“Never mind. Just tell her we’re at Grandpa’s. It’s not like Claire’s gonna come after me. At least I hope she doesn’t.”

“Okay,” Luke said. He typed out the message and sent it.

* * *

_“It was obvious who **really** sent that text,” Phil says, “but what was I gonna do, lie about where I was? I wasn’t about to stoop down to her level. If she wanted to send out a search party to track me down, that was her business. But she would be very disappointed if she thought she’d be able to get me back home.”_

* * *

“I sent the message,” Alex said to Claire as they were shuffling in preparation to leave and pick up Haley. “He’s going to know it’s coming from you.”

“I know,” Claire said, scrounging through her pockets in search of her keys. “Oh damn it, I forgot, Haley took my car. Wait a minute…”

“We took my car last night, remember?” Alex asked. “I have the keys right here.”

“Great, thanks Alex,” Claire said, taking the keys from Alex and leading the way out the door.

* * *

_“I hadn’t gotten any sleep at all the night before,” Claire says. “I was lucky that Alex had her head on straight, at least. I was so worried sick about what had happened and beating myself up for how stupid it was to keep that secret in the dark for so many years. But Alex was good to me, even though I know I didn’t deserve it.”_

* * *

_“What was I gonna do, let Mom freak out about Haley?” Alex asks me. “Dad was venomous, Mom was crying, Haley was incensed, and Luke was just plain pissed off. Who else was gonna try to get things under control?” Alex leans back on the couch, crossing her arms and giving me a sullen look. “Do I ever just this one time get to be a kid?” She lets that sit for a minute, and worry crosses her face. “Actually, can I retract that last statement?”_

* * *

“Mom, did you get any kind of sleep last night?” Alex asked.

“No,” Claire said, no longer with the time or the patience to tell any lies at this point. “How could you tell?”

“You’re wearing two different colored socks.”

Claire looked down to see that, indeed, one of her socks was white, and the other one was black.

“How about we just get in the car?” Claire asked.

“Do you think I should drive?” Alex asked.

“No, sweetie, I’m fine,” Claire said. “Why don’t you ride shotgun with me on the way there, and let Haley decide where to sit coming back?”

“Sure,” Alex said. Her phone buzzed, and she immediately fished it out of her pocket and read the incoming text.

“Luke and Dad are at Grandpa Frank’s,” Alex said.

“That’s a relief,” Claire said. “At least I know they’re safe. Let’s get your sister.”

“So, just so we’re clear, we’re going to get her because we don’t trust her to come back on her own?” Alex asked.

“Uh...sounds about right,” Claire said as she turned the key in the ignition.

“What kind of message does that send?” Alex asked.

“It sends a message that we love her and want her to come home.”

“Or that we don’t think she’s responsible enough to come home like she promised,” Alex said.

Claire turned the engine off and turned to face her daughter. “Did you have to wait until we were in the car to tell me that?”

“I was debating whether it was a good idea to get her or to let her come back on her own. You seemed set on getting her, so I went along with it until I decided just now that it would be worth mentioning.”

“That’s, well...okay,” Claire said. “So what should we do?”

“Why don’t I just text her and ask how she’s doing?” Alex suggested.

“That’s very thoughtful of you,” Claire said.

Alex took out her phone and texted “How are things?” to Haley. She sent the message, and she and Claire waited with bated breath, hoping for some kind of response.

* * *

_“Did I expect Haley to answer?” Alex asks. “Well, maybe coming from me she would. She seemed more or less reasonable the night we drove out to get her, but who knows what her night away from home was like?”_

* * *

“She’s not answering,” Alex said, after a few minutes of no response from Haley.

“Why don’t you try Andy?” Claire asked. “Maybe he’d be more willing to let us know what’s up?

“Okay…” Alex said, typing a text to Andy. “How’s Haley doing today?”

* * *

Andy got the message and looked at it grimly.

“Haley,” he said, “you can’t ignore them forever. You said you’d go back today.”

“Ugh, seriously?” Haley asked. “I wish you wouldn’t harp on me like this is somehow my fault.”

“No one’s harping on anyone,” Andy said. “I’m just making sure you stay true to your word.”

“I really don’t want to talk to Mom right now,” Haley said. “I thought I’d feel better after a good night’s rest, but I was tossing and turning all night.”

“I understand,” Andy said, reaching over to put a hand on her shoulder. Haley didn’t object when it landed there.

“Do you though?” Haley asked. “I mean, not to get too personal, but when did you ever have something as screwed up as this happen to you?”

“You don’t remember our conversation? I told you Beth was cheating on me.”

Haley’s eyes opened wide in fright. “I’m so sorry,” she blubbered. “I totally wasn’t thinking when I said that.”

“It’s okay,” Andy said. “Look, don’t worry about hurting my feelings. But you should let your sister know that you’re coming back home today.”

“And why should I do that?”

“Okay, I didn’t want to have to do this,” Andy said dramatically, and he took a deep breath, “but I might start to change my mind about that date if you don’t decide to at least go home today.”

“Right, like you would give up the chance to go on a date with me,” Haley scoffed, but her bravado quickly faded. “All right, _fine_ , but do I really have to talk with my psycho mother?”

“I see your point,” Andy said. “Normally I’d say yes, but this isn’t a normal circumstance. Why don’t you tell Alex that you’ll come home only if your mom promises to give you some space for a while?”

“That sounds okay to me,” Haley said, and she sent a text back to Alex saying just that.

* * *

“Haley says she’ll come back if you ‘give her some space,’” Alex recited. She then looked at Claire nervously. “You can do that, right?”

Claire’s nostrils flared, but she took a deep breath. “You know what? That’s fine. I’ve done enough damage to our relationship to last a lifetime. The least I can do is respect her wishes, try to earn back some of that lost trust, if that’s even possible.”

“Okay, I’ll let her know,” Alex said. She texted Haley the response.

* * *

“Looks like Mom agreed,” Haley said. “Andy, really, thank you so much for being like the coolest guy ever. I really owe you one.”

“The only thing I want from you is that you keep things civil with your mom,” Andy said. “I know it’s going to be tough, but she’s still your mom and she still loves you. Think that’s a fair deal?”

“Sure,” Haley said with a smile. “Okay, I look presentable?” she asked.

“Come on, Haley, do you have to ask? You always look nice.”

“Do you always have to be such a gentleman?” Haley teased. “Okay, I’ll take your word for it.”

“Want me to walk you out?” Andy asked.

“No, I can handle it,” Haley said. “Thanks, though.”

“No problem,” Andy said. He held open the door for Haley as she left, then shut it behind her.

Haley walked out to her mom’s car and turned the key in the ignition. She sat there for a while, took a few deep breaths, and slowly backed out of the space to make her way back home.

* * *

_“Without Andy, I don’t know if I would ever have gone back home,” Haley admits to me. “Well, I can say for sure I wouldn’t have gone home that day. He was right, I didn’t want to make things worse than they already were, and I’m sure Alex wouldn’t have wanted to deal with this without her big sister. Oh my God, I actually sound mature. When did **that** happen?”_

* * *

Haley pulled into the driveway. She was wondering if Claire or Alex would be waiting for her outside the door, but neither of them were visible from the driveway. Haley took another slow, deep breath and walked briskly out of the car and into the house.

“Haley, thank God you’re okay,” Claire said. She had been in the living room when Haley came into the door. She was standing, but looked unsure of whether to hug her daughter.

Alex stepped forward from where she was standing and gave Haley a hug, almost as if to make up for it. Haley returned it hesitantly, avoiding Claire’s gaze.

“Can we talk?” Haley asked Alex once she had let go of her.

“Um...sure,” Alex said, looking at Claire, who was just as befuddled as she was. Claire held out her hands and backed away, signaling the okay for the girls to head up to their room to talk. Haley and Alex went upstairs, leaving Claire standing in the living room alone, not sure what to do with herself.

* * *

_“What I wouldn’t have given to be a fly on the wall of that room!” Claire says emphatically. “I wanted to know what my daughters really thought about what’s going on. But an invasion of privacy was out of the question. For the first time, I was the one in trouble, and I was the one who had to walk on eggshells. It wasn’t a comfortable feeling. It really made me think of how hard I was on my kids when they were growing up, especially Haley…” A small tear seems to well up in Claire’s eye. She wipes it away as she gazes out the window._

* * *

Alex and Haley walked into their room, and Haley shut the door. Haley mouthed the words “what the fuck” to her sister.

“Mom’s a complete wreck,” Alex said. “Did you notice her socks?”

“That was the first thing I saw when I came in,” Haley said. “Did you say something to her about them?”

“Yes, and she still didn’t change them,” Alex responded.

“Holy shit,” Haley said, and she sat on her bed. Alex took the cue and sat in her own bed on the other side of the room. “I still can’t believe how sick this is. Do you have any idea who the other guy could be?”

“I don’t have a clue,” Alex said. “You know how little Mom talks about her life before we were born. Whoever he is must be some sick freak, though, or she wouldn’t have been so ashamed to tell Dad about it.”

“You think that’s it?” Haley asked.

“No, I’m not sure,” Alex said, holding her head and falling backwards in her bed. “For the first time in my life I feel totally clueless. Is this what being stupid feels like?”

“You’re asking _me_?” Haley asked sharply.

“Never mind, you’re right. I’m sorry,” Alex said. “This is so screwed up.”

“You know what, though?” Haley said, the pitch of her voice starting to rise. “Mom has no right to judge me for anything I’ve done. I might have been a little reckless, but I did _not_ fuck up that bad.”

“Yeah, I suppose that’s right,” Alex said. “Maybe that’s why she’s so hard on you. You know she told me once she got caught swimming naked in a neighbor’s pool with her boyfriend? I thought that was the extent of it, but boy was I wrong.”

“That’s so gross,” Haley said. “I bet she lost her virginity when she was like thirteen, for all we know.”

“Ew,” Alex said. “I don’t want to think about that. Mom having sex? Blech.”

“Alex, you’re sixteen. You remember how old I was when I had sex with Dylan. It’s not that gross. You just haven’t done it.”

“For your information,” Alex started to say haughtily, but then she toned her voice back down, “I haven’t really had the opportunity.”

“Not even with the nerdy boys?” Haley asked.

“Very funny,” Alex replied snarkily. They laughed for a bit but then fell into silence.

“Life’s gonna be so weird living with Mom,” Haley said. “I mean, knowing this, how do things go back to normal?”

“We’re gonna have to redefine what we consider normal,” Alex replied. “You can’t hear something like that and expect things to go back to the way they were. We don’t even know if Dad and Luke are ever coming back.”

“Have you tried texting Luke, at least?” Haley asked.

“Oh, right, he and Dad are at Grandpa Frank’s,” Alex said, “but to be honest, I didn’t consider trying to talk to him beyond that.”

“I want to call him,” Haley said.

“Really?” Alex asked. “You don’t think that’s gonna be weird with Dad right there?”

“That’s the reason I’m calling,” Haley said. “I want to talk to...Dad. Wow, it’s really hard to call him that now. I just...I just want to make sure he’s okay.”

“Here, why don’t I make the phone call?” Alex asked. “If you still feel like talking to Dad, you can, but there’s no pressure if you’re not ready.”

“That would be great, thanks,” Haley said.

* * *

_“Alex is so smart,” Haley says. “And I don’t just mean like book smart. She’s way more mature than I was at her age, and she seems to be handling this way better than I am. Yeah, it doesn’t affect her directly, but it’s still a huge deal for the whole family._

_“I wanted to talk to Dad because, well...I just wanted to hear his voice, make sure he was still okay, make sure he and I were still...I’m sorry.” Haley pulls out a tissue from a box sitting on the table beside the couch. “This sucks,” she adds bluntly as she blows her nose._

* * *

“It’s ringing,” Alex said. She and Haley both wait until Alex hears a voice on the other end.

“That you, Alex?” Luke asked.

“Yeah, it’s me. How’s everything over at Grandpa’s?”

“Dad’s still acting really weird, but he’s not as mad as he was last night,” Luke said. “Is Haley okay?”

“Yeah, she left shortly after you guys did, but she’s back home now,” Alex replied. Haley was biting her nails. “Hey, listen, can you put Dad on the line? I want to hear firsthand how he’s doing.”

“Uh, you sure?” Luke asked. “He’s been acting really funny all day.”

“I think I can handle Dad acting funny, just get him on,” Alex said.

“Okay. Dad!” Luke called out. Phil staggered into the living room where Luke was taking the call. “It’s Alex.”

“My actual daughter,” Phil said bitterly. “Sorry, here, I’ll take the phone.” He took the phone in his hand, and it trembled slightly as it went to his ear. “Alex, honey, that you?”

“Dad, is everything okay over there?”

“Um...well, Luke seems fine. I’m a little shaken up still, but I’m hanging in there.”

“Great, that’s good to hear.” Alex pointed at the phone and then to Haley, signaling that she wanted to know if Haley wanted to talk to Phil. Haley looked grim, but she nodded solemnly. “Do you want to talk to Haley?”

“Oh, um...okay,” Phil said. “Yeah, put her on.” He was shaking a little more now. Haley was, too, as Alex gave the phone to her.

“D-dad?” Haley asked, playing with a lock of her hair with her free hand.

“Hi, honey,” Phil said timidly. There was a brief silence as the two of them waited for each other to talk.

“Um, how’s Grandpa?” Haley asked.

“He’s in good spirits,” Phil said, chuckling halfheartedly. “How, how are you?”

“It’s still tough,” Haley said, “but I guess I’m doing okay. How are you?”

“Fine,” Phil said, but a sniffle gave away his true disposition. “Hey, have you talked to your, um, your mother since last night?”

“Kinda...not really,” Haley said. “We’re taking things slow. I miss you, I wish you were here right now.”

“Me...me too, honey,” Phil said, and he had to sit down.

“You’re still my dad, you know,” Haley said. “I don’t care what Mom did, you’re still my dad.”

“That’s um...thanks, Haley. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Haley said, trembling quite a bit herself now. “Um...are you gonna come home soon?”

“Haley, um, I don’t think I can do that right now,” Phil said. “I’m still kinda reeling from all this, I think I need to take more than a day off from the house before I feel up to coming back home. I’m glad you’re still there with your sister and your mom though. That’s really nice of you to stick with the family after all we went through last night.”

“Yeah, but you know, it’s just not the same without you here,” Haley said. “I know I can’t make you come back, but I hope you change your mind.”

“Haley, it’s okay,” Phil said. “You can call me any time. Any time, you hear me? I’m always gonna be there for you, I promise.”

“I know you will, Dad,” Haley said. “Look, I gotta go. Tell Luke I’m hanging in there, and I hope I see you and him soon.”

“Okay, sweetie. Take care.”

“Bye, Dad.” Haley hung up the phone.

She inhaled deeply and started to weep. Alex crossed the room and gave her distraught sister a hug, which Haley gratefully returned this time around. They sat there for a while, just holding each other, so much on their mind.

“I miss him,” Haley said. “I really want Dad to come home.”

“Me, too,” Alex said. “You don’t think he’s going to file for divorce, do you?”

“Don’t even say that,” Haley said, suddenly angry. “Why would you say that?”

“I’m just being realistic,” Alex said. “This is the kind of thing that ruins marriages sometimes.”

“Yeah, but I can’t even imagine Mom and Dad getting a divorce, not after everything we’ve been through.”

“You’re right, I don’t want to think about that, either,” Alex said. “Let’s just forget I said that, okay?”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Haley said. “Ugh, I don’t think we can stay hidden in our room away from Mom forever. Do you think we should go downstairs and try to be civil with her?”

“Mom and I are already civil,” Alex said. “I mean, I’m not trying to be snippy, but this issue really isn’t about our relationship.”

“Easy for you to say, you’ve always been the favorite child.”

“Have not!” Alex retorted.

“Oh, please. It was always your report cards on the refrigerator, your science projects being bragged about at Thanksgiving. Alex is the genius of the family, Haley is just the spoiled immature party girl.”

“So what? So what if she slaps my grades on a kitchen appliance and brags to the family? Other than that, I basically get the cold shoulder around here. You and Luke constantly get more attention than I do.”

“Yeah, but not for good reasons. It’s always ‘Haley, what were you doing out so late?’ or ‘Luke, don’t eat that cookie that fell on the floor.’ That’s not the kind of attention you want.”

“Okay, wait a second, can we just stop fighting?” Alex asked. “We had a really touching moment just now. I don’t want to go back to being squabbling sisters. After all that’s happened, we have to rely on each other more than ever. Can we put our petty differences aside and just see what we can do to recover from this horrible blow to our family?”

Haley stopped to consider what Alex proposed, then nodded her head. “You have a good point there. This isn’t about some stupid report card or some stupid party. Things are a lot more real now, and it’s time we...well, really I have to act like an adult.”

“Why only you?”

“Please, you’ve been an adult since you were like six years old.”

“Have not!” Alex said, but the two of them laughed. Haley grabbed a pillow from the head of her bed and hit Alex in the face with it. “Knock it off!” Alex said, and the two of them kept laughing for a little while. Once it died down, they were starting to feel much better.

“Okay, let’s go back downstairs and see if we can’t talk to Mom,” Alex said.

“Alright, sounds good to me,” Haley said. They left the room and shut the door behind them, took deep breaths, and made their way downstairs, careful to avoid the broken step.


	8. Family Counseling

“How are you feeling, Mitchell?” Cam asked. Mitchell had just come back home from work, and he had flung his jacket onto the chair and collapsed on the couch, rubbing his head.

“Awful,” Mitchell said. “Work sucked, and the shit that’s been happening around my family is making things even worse.” Mitchell suddenly covered his mouth and groaned. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be swearing, not with Lily in the house.”

“Lily’s fast asleep,” Cam said. “You missed dinner again.”

“Cam, oh God, I’m really sorry. I keep doing that. It’s just so difficult to focus on my job right now, and I was looking forward to our honeymoon and now it looks like we can’t go and everything’s been so—”

“Can’t go?” Cam asked. “What do you mean we can’t go?”

* * *

_“I didn’t mean for him to hear it like that,” Mitchell explains. “I was going to bring it up gently, because I know he had been so looking forward to going. I could’ve used work as an excuse, but it was everything going on with Claire that’s really kept me from going.” Mitchell sighs, leans back, and rubs his temple._

* * *

“Cam, look, this family situation I’ve been dealing with has gotten so out of hand, and work’s not letting up, so it really doesn’t seem prudent for us to be taking time away from home. I’m sorry, I wish we could have worked it out, but I don’t see it happening.”

“Mitchell, it’s okay,” Cam said after a deep breath. “You know I’m patient, and that I’ll do whatever I can to support you. But this secrecy is really getting out of control. If you want me to help you with this Pritchett problem, you need to tell me what it is.”

* * *

_“I didn’t want to be that pushy,” Cam says, “but I’d been waiting for quite some time to find out what’s been going on. It was clearly a touchy issue, or Mitchell wouldn’t have hidden it from me for so long. Nothing could have prepared me for what he told me was happening.”_

* * *

“Okay, Cam, fine. My sister’s family knows about it already, and my dad knows, too, so there’s really no point in keeping it from you anymore.” Mitchell sat up on the couch in an effort to make room for Cam. Cam sat down next to Mitchell and gave him his full attention. “I’m just going to come out with it straight. There is some ambiguity as to whether Phil is actually Haley’s biological father.”

Cam was speechless. He looked like he hadn’t actually heard what Mitchell said, his expression was so blank, but Mitchell knew he had to have heard. It was difficult to process when he first heard about it, so he understood how Cam must have felt.

“Cam? You okay?” Mitchell asked.

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” Cam replied, still staring off in some direction Mitchell couldn’t ascertain. When Cam finally seemed to have brought his attention back he started to get more anxious. “How is that possible? Who else could Claire have...wait, how old is Haley? How long has she kept this from him? From all of us? Did she really make Haley spend her entire childhood growing up with a father and not knowing for sure if Phil was actually the one? Mitchell, what is happening? I feel queasy.”

“Cam, Cam, easy now,” Mitchell said, rubbing Cam’s shoulder in an attempt to calm him down. “Claire called me at work to tell me she confessed to Phil, the kids got woken up, everyone in that household knows.”

“How did Phil take it? How did the kids take it?”

“Alex actually seemed to take it in stride,” Mitchell said, “but the other three all stormed out of the house that night.”

“No,” Cam said, mouth agape in shock.

“Yes, Cam, but Haley went back home this morning. Luke and Phil are over at Phil’s father’s.”

“Is Phil ever coming back?” Cam wondered, almost not daring to believe he would leave Claire for good.

“I don’t know, nobody knows,” Mitchell said, “but everyone agrees we have to give him time to decide what he wants to do about facing this. Now look, Cam, I told you this in confidence. I don’t want anyone outside of the immediate family unit to know about what’s going on. Not Longines, not Sal, _definitely_ not Pepper. Okay?”

“Mitchell, I’m not that much of a gossip. You don’t need to tell me that.”

“I just want it on the record in case something slips out,” Mitchell said.

They heard a tiny cough, and Mitchell and Cam both turned towards it. They were terrified to see Lily standing there in her pajamas, rubbing her sleepy eyes and carrying a teddy bear.

“Uncle Phil’s not Haley’s daddy?” she asked.

“Sweetie,” Mitchell said, alarmed as he rushed over to his daughter. “Of course he is.”

“No he’s not. You said so,” Lily replied. “Uncle Phil isn’t Haley’s real daddy, just like you aren’t my real daddies.”

“Lily,” Cam said, following Mitchell over to her, “of course we’re your real daddies. We’ve been taking care of you ever since you were a little baby.”

“That’s not what Joey Nickerson said today,” Lily said. “He said you couldn’t be my real daddies because you were white and I was Oriental.”

“Joey said that?” Mitchell asked, turning to Cam, horrified. “Lily, Joey called you a very mean name. It’s not nice to say the O-word about someone who’s, well…”

“Me,” Lily said. “I’m the only Oriental kid in the class. That’s what Joey says.”

“Lily, please don’t say that word,” Cam said, “‘Asian’ is more appropriate.”

“He also called you faggots,” Lily said, “and that we weren’t a real family because I didn’t have a mommy.”

* * *

_“It was all I could do not to look up the number of the Nickerson household and give Joey’s parents a piece of the old Midwestern rant,” Cam says. Mitchell is sitting next to him. “He was a very rude kid, and he had no business saying those things to Lily.”_

_“But,” Mitchell says, directing that word at Cam, “we decided to have an honest conversation with Lily and teach her the importance of diversity. This was the perfect teaching moment to show her that not all families have to be nuclear like my sister’s.”_

_“‘Nuclear’ is putting it lightly, don’t you think?” Cam asks snidely._

_“Not that kind of nuclear!” Mitchell retorts, but then he sighed._

_“Just saying,” Cam chides._

* * *

“Lily, sweetie,” Mitchell said, “I know we’ve never really talked about why your daddies have different color skin, or why you have two daddies instead of a daddy and a mommy. You remember when Grandma Gloria got a big belly, and then when Joe was born her belly shrunk back down?”

“Mitchell, do you really want to go there?” Cam whispered from under his breath. Mitchell ignored him.

“That big belly meant a baby was coming, and only a mommy and a daddy can make a baby that way. But Daddy and I aren’t a mommy and a daddy, so we couldn’t make a baby that way. So we went over to where you were and adopted you so we could bring you home and raise you as if you were our baby.”

“So he was right,” Lily cried. “You aren’t my real daddies!”

“Lily, that doesn’t matter,” Cam said. “We love you just as much as a mommy and a daddy love their kids. It doesn’t matter that we’re not really your daddies, because we’ve always wanted to take care of you like we were. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, sure,” Lily said. “Can I get some water? I’m thirsty.”

“Oh, is that why you came out of bed?” Mitch asked as Cam immediately went to the kitchen to get Lily a cup of water.

“No, it’s ’cause I heard you talking, but now I’m just thirsty and tired.” Lily rubbed her eyes again.

“Okay, sweetie, here you go,” Cam said, gingerly offering Lily the cup of water. Lily started to chug it down quickly.

“Not so fast, Lily, little sips,” Mitchell reminded her, but she was already finished.

“Do you want us to tuck you in?” Cam asked.

“No, I’m okay,” Lily said, and she walked away without another word.

Mitchell and Cam waited for the door to shut, and then spoke in whispers to each other.

“Do you think she really understood what we told her?” Mitchell asked.

“She will someday,” Cam said, patting Mitchell on the shoulder and giving him a kiss on the cheek. “Now, you did have that vacation time saved up for the honeymoon, right?” Cam asked.

“Yes, I did, but now’s not the time to use it,” Mitchell said.

“I never said it was,” Cam said, “but I’m okay with putting it off as long as you promise that the second we take care of this Claire business, we’re going to give Lily to your father and Gloria for two weeks and have the most beautiful honeymoon any newlyweds have ever seen, gay or otherwise.”

“Okay, Cam, it’s a deal,” Mitchell said. Cam smiled and pecked Mitchell on the lips.

“Okay, I saved dinner for you in the fridge.”

“I know the drill,” Mitchell said. “I’ll see you when I’m done.”

“Hope you like it,” Cam said with a roguish grin. “It’s my patented pulled pork, my Gram-Gram’s special recipe.”

“Sounds delicious,” Mitchell said with a smile.

* * *

Manny walked into the living room with his phone pressed to his ear, not noticing Jay nursing a drink until he heard him clear his throat.

“Who’re you calling?” Jay asked gruffly. Manny held up his pointer finger, the tell-tale symbol to be quiet, and the phone answered.

“Hi, Haley,” he said. Jay sat up a bit straighter, setting his drink down. “Um, how did everything go after last night?”

* * *

_“Jay didn’t seem all too thrilled that I was talking to her,” Manny says, “but given all of the ruckus that occurred the night before, I figured it was my duty as her uncle to check up on her and make sure she was okay.”_

_“She’s five years older than you!” Jay bellows from the kitchen._

_Manny rolls his eyes. “He somehow got the idea that I still had feelings for her. Please. That childhood crush died a long time ago. Ah, but what a magical time it was.” Manny seems to drift off into his own thoughts. I clear my throat, reminding him of my presence._

_“Huh?” he asks, seeming to snap back to reality. “Oh, well, um...between you and me,” he says in a whisper, “maybe it didn’t completely go away.”_

_“You’re under eighteen!” Jay bellows again._

_“Okay, Jay!” Manny hollers back, then he sighs. “But, in all honesty, I had no malicious intent in my heart when I made that phone call. I just wanted to make sure she was okay.”_

_“She’s my granddaughter!” Jay bellows._

_Manny groans. “Not like anything would ever happen in this house, even if it could.”_

_“Manny, do I have to come in there and knock some sense into you?”_

_“Jay,” Manny hollers, this timing turning his body away from me towards the kitchen, “what did I tell you about operating in the hypothetical?”_

_“I don’t like it!” Jay hollers back. “Tread lightly around this, Manny. Don’t be tempted.”_

_“I won’t!” Manny shouts. He turns back to me and sighs in exasperation._

* * *

“Manny, um, hi,” Haley said. “Well, I’m back home now. It’s a little awkward being around Mom right now, but otherwise things seem okay.”

* * *

_“I know Manny still has a thing for me,” Haley says, rolling her eyes. “He’s so obvious about it. It used to be kinda cute when he was like ten, but now it’s starting to border on creepy. I wasn’t about to say anything, so I just wanted to get off the phone as fast as possible, try to set some boundaries. If Andy and I had actually figured out what we were at that point, that would’ve helped, but that wouldn’t be a good enough excuse to let Manny down easy. So the goal, again, was to just get off the phone fast.”_

* * *

“Um...Manny, I think I hear Alex calling for me, now might not be a good time to talk.”

“Haley, wait. I just want to make sure you’re okay. What happened with you and Andy last night?”

“Okay, Manny, time to get off the phone,” Jay said, rising from his seat and trying to grab the phone from him. Manny stepped away from him.

“Nothing happened. Look, Manny, I know you mean well, but I really think Alex needs me for something so it’s best if I just call you back later. Okay?”

“I don’t hear Alex’s voice. How come you can hear it and I can’t?”

“Oh, she’s not calling anymore, she just came in and she’s beckoning me to go talk to her. Manny, it’s really nice that you’re looking out for me, but I’m fine. I gotta go.” Haley hung up the phone and sighed.

“Oh, okay, bye,” Manny stammered, but the line had already disconnected. He turned his gaze to Jay, who was looking at him sternly.

“I thought we were over this little crush,” he said. “And besides, Haley’s got enough on her mind as it is.”

“Really? Well, if you told me what was actually going on, maybe I could come from a place of deeper understanding.”

“Manny, your understanding is already deep enough,” Jay said. “Too deep, if you ask me. Now look, I thought we agreed we were keeping this in the Pritchett part of the family. Well...I guess the Pritchett and Dunphy part of the family now.”

“So everyone over there knows, you know, but somehow I don’t? Wait, you mean _Luke_ knows and I don’t? I’m way more mature than he is.”

“Yes, but you, unlike Luke, are not a part of that household, so it’s really none of your business.”

“ _Aye aye aye_ , Jay, enough of this,” Gloria said, coming down the stairs with Joe in her arm. “I don’t think it’s fair for you to keep Manny and me in the dark. What is going on over there that made Haley run away from home?”

“She hasn’t run away from home,” Jay said. “She’s back at home now, and now they’re ready to deal with the issue responsibly. Well...except Phil and Luke apparently went to Phil’s dad. Claire told me about that this morning.”

“Then it sounds like it’s still a huge problem,” Gloria surmised. “Manny and I, we constantly feel like we are on the outside looking in on your family. We are the only two who do not share your skin color. Look, even Joe doesn’t have a shade of Colombian anywhere on his body.”

Jay took a moment to look at Joe, who looked about as white as Mitchell did at that age.

“I don’t understand, Jay,” Gloria continued, “do you not trust us to help you? You don’t want to close up and not talk to your own family about what is bothering you. After you shut DeDe out for all those years, look what happened when you did that.”

“Can we not bring DeDe into this?” Jay asked.

* * *

_“Nobody,” Jay said, “and I mean **nobody** ever told DeDe what was going on. That would have been a catastrophe just waiting to happen. But, Gloria had a point. She was far more trustworthy than DeDe ever was, and I knew she would be a lot less judgmental about family dysfunction, considering how she was brought up, no offense to her. So I decided it was time to come clean about what had happened and hope neither she nor Manny had a conniption over it.”_

* * *

“Okay, okay, I’ll explain what’s going on,” Jay said. “So, all these years ago, when Claire and Phil hadn’t even been married yet, Claire got pregnant with Haley.”

“She got pregnant _before_ she got married?” Manny asked.

“Yes, yes, Manny, not everyone’s a saint,” Jay barked. “Anyway, it turns out...ho, boy...it turns out that there was a bit of overlap between Phil and some other guy, and it’s ambiguous enough that Claire isn’t sure that Phil is actually Haley’s biological father.”

Gloria clutched her head and started muttering in Spanish. Manny was short of breath and had to sit down.

“Guys, it’s really not as bad as it sounds,” Jay said. “At least, it shouldn’t be bad for you two. None of you are really involved here, this was well before I ever met either one of you.”

“No, but we still feel for Phil and Claire and the hardships they must be going through,” Gloria said.

“You two feel so much, you know that?” Jay asked. “And I mean, don’t get me wrong, that’s great. But the last thing we want to do in this delicate situation is to overreact. We have to stay level-headed if we’re going to have a chance to help Claire and Phil out.”

“So wait,” Manny said, “everyone in the Dunphy household knows, and that’s why Phil and Luke flew the coop and Haley went to Andy’s place?”

“Yes, it seems that way,” Jay said.

“I have to call Haley back,” Manny said, already pulling his phone back out.

“Manny, put that phone away,” Jay said sternly. This time, Manny didn’t object. “We have to be there to support the Dunphy family, but only on an as-needed basis. I don’t want to interfere and make things worse, and the more they can figure this out themselves, the better I think the chances are that this gets resolved in a good way.”

“What if it doesn’t get resolved in a good way?” Manny asked. “What if Phil and Claire end up getting a divorce?”

“I won’t lie to you, Manny, the thought’s crossed my mind,” Jay said. Gloria gasped, but Jay held out a hand to prevent the eruption of worry. “If it comes to that, we’ll be there to support them through that, too. Both Gloria and I know what it’s like to go through divorces, so we’ll be able to help them get through it as smoothly as possible. And trust me, those two are more level-headed than either of our exes were, especially my ex.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true,” Manny said. “It’s not like they’re getting arrested for possession of marijuana or getting dragged away from a wedding because they got drunk and insulted the entire reception.”

“Yeah, that’s oddly specific,” Jay said, “but I get your point. Now, it’s almost dinnertime. Why don’t I cook the meal tonight?”

“Is it going to be more of your greasy American food?” Gloria asked.

“Honey, you know if I could cook Colombian dishes, I would, right?”

“No, you wouldn’t do that at all.”

“Called my bluff,” Jay said, and Gloria playfully hit him on the arm.

* * *

_“After I got off the phone with Manny,” Haley recalls, “somebody actually did want to talk to me. That somebody wasn’t my sister.”_

“Haley, can you help me get dinner ready?” Claire asked.

“Why do you need my help?” Haley retorted as she came down the stairs.

“Because, I usually have Phil around to help with the dishes, and, well...we know why he’s not here right now.”

“That’s totally your fault, so why should I have to help you?”

* * *

_“Oh God, I should have seen this coming,” Claire says. “Haley and I have a power struggle on the best of terms, and right now is obviously about the worst that our terms have ever been. I had to be careful not to be too pushy, or she was liable to walk right out the door like she did the night before. But, well, my M.O. is to be as pushy as possible most of the time, so those two things put together didn’t bode well.”_

* * *

“Haley, look, I know you must think I’m the most vile person on the planet,” Claire said as she scrambled around the kitchen, “and I understand why you feel that way. But I just want to talk, and I’m hoping we can find a way to work this out so that we can at least be on civil terms.”

“Mom, this is not a good time to be doing your mom stuff,” Haley said. “I can’t trust a single thing that comes out of your mouth anymore.”

“Yes, and that’s totally my fault, and I’m sorry for hiding this from the family for all these years,” Claire said. “But don’t you think with a little talking we can get past this? We can have a heart-to-heart, like two adults, and talk about how we’re feeling about what happened and what we can do to heal what has been broken.”

“Save it with the psychobabble, Mom,” Haley said, “and for the record, I didn’t break anything. I’ve done absolutely nothing to deserve this.”

“Haley, you’re right, of course,” Claire said, “when this all happened you didn’t even have a name. But it’s up to us to get past all of this hostility and get down to the real issues.”

“Look, Mom, if you want to go see a shrink and talk about your feelings, be my guest, but don’t try to get me involved.”

“Guys!” Alex called from the top of the stairs. She came down and joined Haley in the dining room. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to be arguing about this right now.”

“I’m not trying to argue,” Claire said. “Swear to God, if it’s only just for this one time, I’m really not trying to start an argument. I just want to help my daughter through this so we can fix what I broke.”

“Mom, I don’t know what dream world you think we’re in, but you can’t just ‘fix’ this,” Haley said. “I grow up, for _twenty years_ , thinking I know who my dad is, and it all comes crashing down in one night? Do you realize how much damage that lie did? I mean, I lied a lot when I was growing up, but those weren’t lies that could ruin entire families.”

“Yes, Haley, I know, and you’re absolutely right, but it’s just that I’ve worked so hard to keep this family together, despite what I knew about what might have happened. And it was because I thought this family could still have a chance. It was because I loved Phil, and I knew without a doubt I wanted him to be the father of my child, of _all_ the children I would ever have with him, and anything that could have risked me losing him was too much to bear.”

“Guys, maybe this isn’t the right time to be talking about this,” Alex said. “Emotions are still raw, and you both have a tendency for flying off the handle. I want to make sure no one says anything they’re liable to regret later. Haley, you have a phone. You’re twenty years old. Twenty-year-olds should be using their phones to connect to the real world, right? And Mom, if you want help with dinner, I can help, but I think it’s best if we just leave Haley alone right now, right?”

* * *

_“Did I want to play peacemaker?” Alex asks me. “No. But knowing those two, I knew nothing good could come from trying to have this conversation now and that it was up to me to make sure I could stem the tides of their overwhelming emotions until time had calmed them down enough to be handled in a more reasonable way.”_

* * *

“Actually, Alex,” Haley said, “you’re wrong. I do have feelings I want to get out in the open. I do have things I want to say, and I’m not gonna let anyone try to keep me away from them.”

“Haley, no one’s saying you don’t have feelings,” Alex said, “but we want to be able to channel them in a directed way so that they are positively expressed with the hopes that they will strengthen relationships, not damage them.”

“Alex, I don’t know what kind of shit they’re teaching you in high school psychology,” Haley spat, “but it’s really not helpful right now. I have every right to feel pissed off at Mom, and I have to say what I’m feeling or I think I’m gonna explode.”

“You’re not going to explode,” Alex said. “If you really want to express how you’re feeling in a way that doesn’t hurt others, you can try writing in a journal. I have plenty of extra notebooks if you want to borrow one of mine.”

“But that doesn’t feel as good as saying them out loud,” Haley said.

“You’d be surprised how good you can feel after writing something down,” Alex said. “It’s how I got through middle school. Mom, it would be good for you to do that, too.”

“Haley, I think your sister has a point,” Claire said. Haley scoffed and rolled her eyes. “No, I’m serious. Maybe if I had taken the time to journal out what I’d been feeling when all of this was happening, I would have handled it better, and we wouldn’t be dealing with this turmoil right now that I caused.”

* * *

_“Oh God, all I could think about was how I felt during that pregnancy,” Claire said. “The confusion, the fear of losing Phil, the questions about whose baby this was and why I was stupid enough to stay with that sleazeball, not realizing the wonderful man I had in Phil, wondering why I didn’t use protection, all these things that I’ve regretted for years since. But, as Dr. Sampson would tell me the next day in therapy, there was nothing I could do to change the past. But, I still had control of what I did in the present, and what I did could affect my future relationship with my daughter, my husband, and the future of our family.”_

* * *

“Haley,” Claire said, “you’ve mentioned psychology a whole bunch just now, and I think now is a good time to tell you that I started seeing a therapist, and he specializes in family counseling. I don’t know if I’ll be able to convince Phil and Luke to go, but the three of us can go together and see if we can work out at least a temporary truce while we continue to deal with what’s going on.”

“Great,” Haley said, “pour out my heart and soul to some total stranger in some stuffy office. That sounds _so_ helpful.”

“Haley, I’ve been going to therapy for almost a year now,” Alex said, “and it’s worked wonders on my self-esteem. I didn’t expect to get as much out of it as I did, but the satisfaction of confronting your issues head on is worth the copays. Look, Mom may not have had the best judgment growing up—I think we’re all aware of that by now—but she’s really never steered us wrong since then, and I certainly never have. So if we both think it’s a good idea, don’t you think it would be worth it to try going?”

Haley sighed. “Okay, I’ll give it one session. But if I feel weirded out or uncomfortable, I want out.”

“That’s fine with me,” Claire said, “because I know we’re gonna be glad we went, the three of us.”

“You know this isn’t really going to help until we can convince Dad and Luke to go, right?” Haley asked.

“That’s true,” Claire said, “but I think the boys need a little more time before they can make that decision.”

“I can try talking to them about it tomorrow morning,” Alex said. “That might get them used to the idea.”

“That sounds good, Alex,” Clare said. “I also have a meeting tomorrow morning, so I’ll mention it to the doctor, but for now let’s focus on dinner, okay?”

“Okay,” Alex and Haley said.

* * *

_“So, Alex is supportive as always,” Claire said, “and Haley at least didn’t seem too dead set against the idea. It was just a matter of convincing the boys to go. Alex said she would take care of that, so I thought it would be good to suggest the idea to Dr. Sampson, which I was able to do during my session with him the next day.”_

* * *

“So,” Claire said as she sat down in her therapist’s office, “I told the family about the paternity issue two nights ago.”

“You did,” Dr. Sampson said. “That’s quite the revelation. How did everyone take it?”

“At first, not well,” Claire said. “In fact, I still don’t really know how Phil feels about it. I haven’t talked to him since then.”

“What happened?”

“He packed some things and stormed out of the house. Luke followed him, and there was little I could do to convince them to stay,” Claire said.

“I see. And what about your daughter? How did she take it?”

“She left to go sleep at a friend’s,” Claire explained, “but she came back the next morning, and the two girls and I discussed the idea of family counseling, which if I remember correctly is something you specialize in.”

“That sounds like an excellent idea,” Dr. Sampson said. “How did they react to that idea?”

“Alex seemed all for it,” Claire said. “Haley was a little more unsure.”

“That makes sense. And were Phil and Luke any part of the equation?”

“Well, Alex is probably on the phone with them right now, trying to see if they’ll agree to come home and work this through, but I can’t make any promises that they’ll come.”

“I see,” Dr. Sampson said. “Well, without the two of them here, especially Phil, it’s going to be difficult to make meaningful progress. And given that your eldest daughter is so unsure about this prospect, I would want to have the full family here at the first session so that she’ll be more readily convinced that everyone in her family is here to work through this issue.”

“I understand,” Clare said. “I’ll do everything I can to make sure everyone can come.”

“I appreciate you taking the initiative,” Dr. Sampson replied, “but I want to know something. This revelation had a dramatic impact on your family. Have you found that the roles of the family have changed in any way? Do you feel like the balance is off-kilter, as it were?”

Clare took a deep breath. “Well, I can say for sure that Phil and Haley are much more wary of trusting me. Luke was angry at me as well, but since then I don’t really know how he feels. Alex has stayed strong, and she’s been a good support to me while we worked through this.”

“Alex is still only a teenager,” Dr. Sampson said. “I know from previous sessions that she is very mature for her age, but I think it would be better if you could get another adult from outside your immediate family unit to support you. How about your brother and father? Have they been helpful?”

“Of course,” Clare said, “they were the ones that convinced me to tell the truth in the first place. And I just want to let you know that I don’t use my daughter as a crutch. She took the initiative to help me when I was struggling, but in no way do I rely on her for emotional support. That would obviously be unhealthy.”

“You don’t have to convince me,” Dr. Sampson said. “At any rate, I think your idea to begin family counseling is a sound one. Let me know when everyone is on board, and we’ll schedule an extended first meeting so that we can establish the groundwork, set some goals.”

“That sounds great,” Claire said. “Looking forward to it.”

* * *

_“So it seemed like everything was set except for Phil and Luke,” Claire says, “and all I did on the drive home was hope that Alex had been able to convince them to come back and start counseling with us. It wasn’t until I got in that I realized that that would be tougher than I first thought.”_

* * *

“Dad!” Alex shouted over the phone as Claire came into the door. “Don’t you understand? Therapy’s been great for Mom and me, and I think if the five of us go, we can make some real progress!” There was silence as Phil presumably responded. “What do you mean you think it’s a croc? Ugh, just because it was Mom’s idea doesn’t mean it’s a bad one...Of course I understand you don’t trust her right now, that’s not the point!...Dad, don’t think of it as doing it for her, think of it as doing it for Haley. She really needs you right now, don’t you remember your conversation last night?...Well, you know what? Fine! Thanks for nothing!” Alex hung up the phone and let out a loud groan.

“He wasn’t interested, was he?” Claire asked.

“He was emphatic about it,” Alex said. “I’ve never heard him so angry.”

“It’s okay, honey,” Claire said. “Let’s just give it some time.”

“I really thought it was a good idea,” Alex said, giving Claire a hug. Claire stroked her hair and looked off into the distance, wondering if Phil was ever going to give their family a chance to survive.


	9. The First Date

_“So...it was Saturday,” Haley recounts for me. “Andy and I had planned to hang out at the mall. It wasn’t really a ‘date’ date, you know? Just a casual type thing. But wow did my mom freak out about it.”_

* * *

“I’m going out,” Haley called, on her way out of the house before Claire could even acknowledge what she had said.

“Going out where, honey?” Claire asked, following Haley into the hall.

Haley rolled her eyes, then looked down at her phone, as she was busy texting Andy about where to meet. “I’m just going to the mall.”

“Who are you texting?” Claire asked, lips pursed as she craned her neck to look at Haley’s phone.

“No one,” Haley said, an uncomfortable feeling beginning to settle in her stomach.

“Oh I see, you’re going out with Andy,” Claire said.

“God, it’s like I have no privacy,” Haley griped, looking up from her phone and glaring at Claire. “I’m twenty years old, I think I have the right to a private life.”

“Haley, I just don’t want you leading him on if you’re not completely sure about how you feel.”

“We’ve already talked about this,” Haley moaned. “If you must know, Andy’s not completely sure either. This is just a nice way to get a feel for each other, see if we’re a good match.”

“Oh, so there’s feeling now,” Claire said, a sarcastic smile spreading on her face as if out of habit.

“Not that kind of feeling. God, you’re gross,” Haley whined. “Anyway, why do you have to constantly be hovering over me like some airplane parent?”

“The proper term is ‘helicopter’ parent,” Alex said from the top of the stairs. “And could you keep it down? I’m trying to do my summer reading for English class.”

“Alex, did you know about this?” Claire asked, gesturing to Haley. “About Haley going to see Andy today?”

“Um, not really,” Alex admitted. “I knew they were gonna go out eventually, I just wasn’t sure when.”

“Do you think it’s a good idea?” Claire asked.

* * *

_“Her tone of voice was starting to rise,” Alex recalls, “which is a prime indicator that she was going to start shouting. Anyway, to be honest, I was actually kinda on Mom’s side on this one. I don’t really want Haley dating Andy because...well, it’s personal.”_

_“You can tell me,” I assure her. “Off the record, if you want.” I turn off the camera and focus my attention on her._

_“Okay fine, **maybe** I have a little bit of a crush on Andy,” Alex says, “which is obviously completely inappropriate, given our ages.” Alex squirms on the couch a bit. She turns around to make sure none of her other family members are behind her. “So sometimes I just think ‘What if I was eighteen? What if I was eighteen?’ and that drives me crazy. God, this is so stupid.” Alex seems completely embarrassed, given the redness beginning to form in her cheeks._

_“I don’t think it’s stupid,” I say._

_“Well, it doesn’t matter what it is. I have far too much on my mind to even have time to pine over him. There’s getting ahead on reading for school next year, there’s beginning to apply for colleges, there’s all this crap going on in our family right now. Ugh, I just wish someone would understand how I’m feeling right now, or even at least pay some attention...besides you,” she adds, though I hadn’t prompted her. “Whatever, I have my own therapist to work this crap out, I don’t need to be baring my soul to a documentarian...no offense.”_

_“None taken.”_

* * *

“Mom, I really don’t want to be dragged in the middle of whatever this is,” Alex said, waving her arms in the general direction of Claire and Haley.

“God Mom, it’s not like I’m going out with Dylan,” Haley said. “I thought you liked Andy.”

“Of course I like Andy,” Claire said. “I just don’t want you two to make some terrible mistake.”

“Like what?” Haley asked, her voice now shrill. “Like accidentally getting pregnant with someone and then pretending somebody else is the father? That’s your whole thing, isn’t it? ‘I have to make sure my kids don’t make the same mistakes I made.’ I don’t think I’m ever going to screw up with Andy the way you screwed up with Dad.”

“Alright, now you listen to me,” Claire said, her voice rising as well. “You may not like me, you may not respect my decisions, and I am perfectly willing to understand where you’re coming from. But I am your mother, and it’s my job to protect you from making stupid mistakes. I want to make sure that whatever the hell you’re doing with Andy doesn’t escalate into something out of control.”

“For God’s sake, Mom, we’re just hanging out at the mall. You’re insane! Isn’t she insane, Alex?” Haley asked.

“I can’t deal with this,” Alex said, coming down the stairs and heading for the door.

“And where are you going?” Claire asked.

“To the library, so I can read without being bothered,” Alex said. “Although I bet I could go to a rock concert and have an easier time focusing than I am here.”

“Alex? Alex!” Claire called, but she was already out the door and moving towards her car.

“Mom, I don’t know what the hell your problem is right now,” Haley said, “but you don’t have any say what happens in my life anymore.”

“Oh really? Then why are you still living here rent-free? You’re over eighteen, you should be at school or working full-time and you should have a dorm or an apartment.”

“I have a full-time job, Mom,” Haley said. Her phone buzzed, but she was so busy arguing with Claire that she didn’t respond.

“I mean a real job,” Claire said. “I don’t know what you do at that fashion thing all day, but that’s not enough to make a living.”

“Well what about you?” Haley shrieked. “Working at Grandpa’s closet company until you married a real estate agent—based on a lie, by the way—and you didn’t have to work a day in your life ever again. Is that what I should do? Marry some guy who makes a lot of money and lie to him about being the father?”

“Will you stop throwing that in my face for one second?” Claire asked. “My decision from twenty years ago has nothing to do with you going out with Andy. This is about _your_ life and _your_ life choices. Damn it, Haley, my mother wasn’t around for me at all. She gave me absolutely no guidance growing up and Grandpa was always at work. You have two parents who love you very much and who want to see you make the right choices.”

“Well, at least Dad does it without breathing down my back,” Haley said. “Maybe you should learn to do the same thing.”

Suddenly they heard a car honk outside, sounding like it was coming from the spot where Alex’s car had just been moments ago.

“Who is that?” Haley asked. She went outside to check, and Claire followed closely behind. “Andy, hi!” Haley said, her tone of voice changing completely.

“I texted you saying I was almost at your house,” Andy said. “You didn’t get back to me.”

Haley looked down at her phone and noticed the unread message from Andy. “I’m sorry, I must have been distracted by something.” She turned around and glared at Claire. “What are you doing out here?” she asked her.

Claire put on a smile that Haley immediately knew was fake. “I just wanted to say you kids have fun.”

“Right, sure Mom,” Haley said. She walked around to the passenger side of Andy’s car and got in. Andy began to pull out of the driveway after Haley was buckled up.

“Something wrong?” he asked as he got on the road and began driving forward.

“Mom thinks this is a mistake,” Haley said, “that we’re gonna do something we’ll regret.”

“Please, it’s like she doesn’t know me at all,” Andy said. “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you.”

“I think she’s more worried about you than she is about me,” Haley said. “It’s like she’s trying to protect you from me or something weird like that.”

“Well, look what she went through with your dad,” Andy suggested. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but she sees in you a lot of what she remembers about growing up herself. We both know I’m the Phil in this relationship anyway, that is, if that’s what we’re calling it.”

Haley rested her head on Andy’s shoulder. “Sure, why not?” Haley asked. “No one’s gonna cringe at you over the Thanksgiving dinner table.”

“Come on, now, don’t be so sure,” Andy said. “For all you know, this could all be a facade and I could be a total a-hole.”

“Not if you call it an a-hole, doofus,” Haley said with a laugh.

“Ah, see, there’s a smile,” Andy said. “That’s what Beth always used to say, that I was always able to make her laugh.”

“Ugh, can we not talk about Beth? She was a bitch,” Haley said.

“Well, I wouldn’t put it in _those_ terms,” Andy said, “but I share your sentiment. Definitely not good for me, no way.”

There was some silence as Andy continued to drive towards the mall, but it was a silence they both felt comfortable with.

“So where was Alex’s car?” Andy asked. “There normally isn’t space in your driveway for me to pull in like that.”

“Alex went to the library, the dork,” Haley said with a chuckle. Andy didn’t laugh, so her smile vanished quickly. “Mom and I got into a pretty big fight and she couldn’t stand being in the house anymore. You know, I didn’t even think about what she was feeling, listening to us scream at each other like that.”

“You get caught up in the moment,” Andy said. “My parents used to do it all the time, at least until they got a divorce.”

Haley straightened up in her seat and gasped. “Your parents are divorced?”

“Wow, didn’t mean to drop that bombshell like that,” Andy said. “Yeah, they got married young and grew up to be two different people. They’d fight a lot when I was growing up, and it’s like all they could focus on was each other. It ended up not mattering, with my dad dying of cancer a couple years later.”

“I’m so sorry,” Haley said, putting a hand on Andy’s shoulder. Andy smiled but made a small sigh as well.

“There’s not much you can do about it,” Andy said. “When you’re nine years old you don’t have control over anything.”

“My nana and grandpa are divorced,” Haley said, “but of course you knew that already. They waited ’til Mom and Uncle Mitchell were grown up before they split. I don’t know what happened, it was before I was born. I’m starting to wonder if Mom and Dad are gonna do the same thing.”

“Don’t think that way,” Andy said. “You gotta stay positive.”

“You didn’t see how pissed off Dad was,” Haley said, “and he never gets pissed off. I bet he’d be willing to sign the papers.”

“Well, I certainly hope it doesn’t come to that,” Andy said, “but you can’t really control what happens, either. People have divorced over far less, but just think what would happen if they pulled together and resolved the conflict. If they could work through that, then they’d probably never split up.”

“You can’t really say that, though,” Haley replied. “I mean, no one knows what’s gonna happen. They could get through this and then in like five years decide they want a divorce because Dad didn’t mow the lawn for like the fifteenth time that month. I just never thought it would come to this.” A small tear fell down Haley’s cheek. She quickly brushed her cheek dry before Andy could see it.

“It’s okay, Haley,” Andy said. “You know what my mom always told me while my parents were getting divorced? She said, ‘Andy, Mommy and Daddy might not love each other anymore, but we’ll always love you.’ Your parents are always going to love you, no matter what, and that’s really the most important thing.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t know if I can love my mom back right now,” Haley said.

“That’s understandable,” Andy replied, “but hey, you never know. Given some time, you might feel differently.”

“We’ll see,” Haley said.

“Hey look, we made it!” Andy said as they were approaching the mall. “That was a fast car ride.” The two of them got out of the car and shut the doors.

“So what do you want to do first?” Andy asked as they entered the mall complex. The place had a sense of familiarity for Haley, having been here countless times in the past, but today it felt like a new experience as well.

“You know what?” Haley replied. “At first I wanted to shop around for some new outfits, but I’m feeling kinda hungry. You wanna just get something at the food court?”

“Sure, whatever you want,” Andy said.

“Thanks. And can we take a break from talking about how my family life is a complete disaster?” Haley asked. “I mean, I know you’re being super supportive, but I kinda need a break from it. Let’s talk about stuff normal twenty-year-olds talk about.”

“Well, I don’t exactly consider myself normal by any means,” Andy said, “but I understand your point. Boy, I could really go for some Chinese food. You wanna split a big order?”

“Yeah, sure,” Haley said. The two of them made their way towards the center of the mall where the food court was located. As they passed by all the stores, Haley looked briefly into the windows at the finely dressed mannequins, and a small sadness seemed to hang over her. Andy noticed the shift.

“Something bothering you?” he asked.

“Hm?” Haley said, but then she gave Andy a smile. “No, nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.”

“Checking out the mannequins?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Haley said, “and I get this weird feeling...you know, just forget it.”

“Forget what?”

“Nothing, it’s stupid.”

“Haley, there’s nothing you could say to me that would be stupid.”

Haley hesitated, but she quaked when she saw the look of concern in Andy’s eyes. “Okay, so the mannequins, they’re just standing there wearing nice clothes that get changed out every couple of weeks or so. They look pretty, but their lives are totally meaningless, and they don’t feel anything. Their whole purpose in life to be looked at. Not even looked at directly, people only look at the clothes they’re wearing. And it just seems like a sad life for them, just standing behind a glass window until they’re thrown away because they get too dirty or too old.” Haley started to shudder, and Andy put his hands on her shoulders to calm her.

“We don’t have to do this today,” Andy said. “If you just want to go home, we can have our date some other time.”

“No no, I really think I need this,” Haley said. “Really, I’m fine. Let’s just keep moving.”

“Okay,” Andy said. After that, Haley made it a point not to look at the mannequins any longer.

They arrived at the food court and walked over to the Chinese restaurant. Andy ordered a large helping of food for the both of them and paid for the entire meal himself. Once they had their food, they sat down at a table on two metallic chairs.

“So,” Andy said as he took a bite of a piece of pork, “what is this normal twenty-year-old stuff you wanted to talk about?”

“Hmm…” Haley said. “Honestly, we could just talk about anything else other than what’s going on at home for me.”

“And mannequins,” Andy said. “Let’s not talk about mannequins either.”

Haley smiled sheepishly. “You know,” she said, “I really don’t know all that much about you. You seem like this super nice guy, way better than most of the jerks I used to date, but like what kind of fun stuff do you like to do in your spare time?”

“Reading,” Andy said. “I do a lot of reading.”

“Oh,” Haley said, the smile fading from her face.

“You okay?” Andy asked.

“I’m fine. It’s just...well, I don’t really read that much. That’s kinda Alex’s thing.”

“Oh, but you’re missing out!” Andy said, sitting up in his seat, clearly more attentive. “There’s all the great classics from authors like Fitzgerald or Steinbeck or Hemingway. But you must have read some of them in high school at least.”

“Actually, if we’re being completely honest, I kinda blew that stuff off most of the time.”

“Preoccupied with other things?” Andy asked.

“Mostly guys. God, I used to be so superficial.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Why?” Haley asked.

“Because if I’m the kind of guy you’re dating, and you’re not superficial anymore, well good for me.”

“Okay, but what does that say about you then,” Haley asked, “that you’re dating a girl like me?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t follow.”

Haley frowned. “You’re dating this girl who was just some popular pretty girl in high school who has no brain, no idea what she wants to do with her life. I’m kind of a dead end for guys like you who actually have something going for them, I mean, aren’t I?”

“Not even close,” Andy said. “You most definitely have a brain. I’ve never seen anyone talk about mannequins as poetically as you did. Sorry,” he added when Haley crossed her arms, “forget the mannequins, I know, but I’m making a point. You’ve got a lot of things going for you. I think the problem is that you don’t recognize them in yourself.”

“School was always so hard for me,” Haley said, “and that was literally like the only thing my mom cared about. ‘Haley, are you getting good grades? Why aren’t you getting good grades? What’s wrong with you?’ But it was so hard for me to learn just by trying to listen in class, I’m not a genius like Alex is. I don’t get the stuff they’re trying to teach us immediately like she does.”

“So what?” Andy asked. “You’ve got something a lot more important than that. You’ve been through a lot of adversity the past couple of years, with being kicked out of school and trying to make your way in the real world. You dated some not-so-great boyfriends, you’re trying to find your place in the world, and all of that has made you so much stronger than I bet you were even a couple years back.”

“Well, _some_ people in my family don’t seem to appreciate that kind of stuff,” Haley said. She then silently mouthed the word “mom.” “My dad...well, I’m just gonna keep calling him that, he didn’t put any pressure on me to do anything, he just loved me without any expectations. And I guess I never appreciated it until now that he’s gone.” Haley started to tear up again, but she let out a groan of frustration instead. “This isn’t what I wanted to do today, blabber on about how shitty my life is. This must not be fun for you at all, I’m sorry.”

“Haley, Haley, you’ve gotta understand something,” Andy said. “We’ve barely started dating, and I feel a million times closer to you than I ever did to Beth, and I was seeing her for years. Forget all the lousy chit-chat about what you do for work, what are your hobbies. It’s like we’re fast forwarding through all that superficial stuff and getting down to the things we actually have on our minds.”

“So I’m not being a burden?” Haley asked.

“Far from it, I’m honored that we have enough trust to talk about these things so early on. It’s actually taking the burden off of my shoulders, not putting one on.”

* * *

_“I can’t believe Mom thought going out with Andy was a bad idea,” Haley says. “He was like the perfect gentleman! Here I am, blubbering at a food court table, and he has all these amazing things to say that just made me feel so good. I could feel butterflies in my stomach, it was like one of those crushes you’d have in middle school, the ones where you feel like you’re totally out of your league, only the things you want to happen are actually coming true, and you don’t know what to do with them because you’ve never been in this situation before. Yeah, it was kinda like that.”_

* * *

_“I knew I couldn’t convince Haley to come back home,” Claire says. “That was obvious. But I was hoping that since she had left that Alex would be willing to come back and I could at least try to help her feel better. She’s been the most understanding of the three kids through all of this, and I wanted to make sure that at least we were okay.”_

* * *

Claire sent a text message to Alex saying, “ _Can we talk?_ ” While waiting for a possible reply, she paced around the house fretfully, unsure of what to do with herself. She started to find the tiniest things that were out of place: a picture left hanging a bit askew on the wall, a few crumbs on the floor, a dusty shelf. She straightened the pictures, vacuumed the floors, and dusted the shelves for a few minutes, then stopped and sat on the living room couch with her head in her hands. She was about to start crying when her phone started to ring. She answered it as quickly as she could.

“Alex, honey, where are you?” Claire asked, after checking the caller ID to make sure it was her.

“I’m just outside the library,” Alex said. “Is Haley at the house?”

“No, she left on her date shortly after you left,” Claire said. “You’re not gonna hear any fighting if you decide to come home.”

“That’s not good,” Alex said, “because now _I_ might be the one in trouble with Haley.”

“What do you mean? Claire asked.

“You won’t believe who I ran into on the way to the library, and I did the stupidest thing when I saw him, too.”

“Oh God, I don’t know what that means coming from you. What did you do?”

“It’s going to take too long to explain why I did this, but I’ll just tell you who it was and what I did,” Alex said. “I ran into Dylan. I was driving away from the house and he was passing me towards it. He did his best to signal me to pull over, and I could have just kept driving, what kind of obligation did I have to talk to him? I guess I was just concerned that he and you might get into an argument, and I was just trying to prevent that, I don’t know.”

“Alex, never mind that now. What happened?”

“Right, sorry. Well, all he did when we both got out of our cars to talk was ask me ‘Where’s Haley? Where’s Haley? I’m trying to find Haley.’ He seemed really desperate to find her, so I kinda panicked and told him she was probably heading over to the mall. He peeled off in the other direction, and I figured out why he was being so desperate.”

“Did you call Haley to warn her he was coming?” Claire asked.

“You’re kidding, right?” Alex replied. “If she found out I sent her ex after her when she’s on a date with Andy, she would kill me! And I don’t think she would’ve believed you if you told her.”

“Did you text Andy to warn him?”

“That’s just another road to the same outcome of Haley finding out.”

“Yes, but wouldn’t it be better if you warned them before he shows up out of nowhere to intrude on their date?” There was silence on the other end of the line. “Alex?” Claire asked.

“Okay, I’m sorry, I haven’t been completely honest,” Alex said. “I wanted to tell Dylan where they were going, and I didn’t want him to know Haley was on a date.”

“Alex, why in the world would you do something like that?”

“It’s too difficult to explain over the phone. I have to talk to you in person, but I have to make sure Haley’s not home. She’s not home, right?”

“No, of course not,” Claire said,” but the mall’s not that far so you might not have much time to get back and explain what’s bothering you.”

“Okay, I’m coming home now,” Alex said.

“Careful driving!” Claire said in a hurry. “Love you, bye.” The call disconnected.

* * *

_“I don’t expect Alex to make mistakes,” Claire tells me. “I think that’s unfair for me to do that. Just because she’s a whiz kid doesn’t mean she’s not human. But I couldn’t for the life of me figure why she would intentionally send Dylan out to do whatever he was going to do while Haley was on a date with Andy. Luckily the library’s fairly close by, so it didn’t take me too much longer to find out.”_

* * *

Claire heard a car pull into the driveway. She looked out the window, noticed that it was Alex’s, and rushed outside to meet her. The first thing Alex did when she saw her mom approach was give her a tight hug.

“I’m so confused right now, Mom,” she whimpered. Claire stroked her hair and gently shushed her, trying to calm her down.

“Let’s go inside,” Claire said, “and then you can tell me what’s going on.”

They went inside and sat down in the living room. Alex was curled up in a ball on the couch, while Claire sat down next to her.

“Why would you deliberately send Dylan out to the mall?” Claire asked.

Alex took a deep breath. “There’s no point in dragging this out. Time is the enemy right now. I wanted Dylan to sabotage the date because I’m jealous.”

“Jealous?” Claire asked. “Why are you jealous?”

“Because I think—and I understand that this is completely unreasonable—that I have a crush on Andy.” Alex started to tear up, and Claire scooched closer to her on the couch so Alex could rest her head on her shoulder. “It was such a stupid thing to do,” she said. “Andy’s such a nice guy, and Haley deserves to be with a nice guy, and I don’t know why I did it. I just got really petty and I was angry about the fight you guys were having so I just told him and now she’s going to hate me for the rest of my life.”

“That’s not true,” Claire said. “I never told you this story, did I, about a relationship your uncle had that I sabotaged?”

“Wait, really?” Alex asked.

“Yes, and it’s really ironic when I think about it now, but you’ll understand why once I tell it,” Claire said. “Mitchell dated girls in high school, and one of the girls he started dating was one of my good friends, Rachel Orbison. I was so angry, I thought ‘What a creep, going out with one of my friends. He needs to butt out and find someone else.’ So you know what I did? I told Rachel—keeping in mind that I had no idea at the time—that Mitchell was gay, and the only reason he was dating her was to pretend he wasn’t so he wouldn’t get picked on.”

“Oh my God,” Alex said, shocked enough by the story to stop quivering. “How did Uncle Mitchell react?”

“He was livid,” Claire said, “although knowing now, he was probably trying to convince himself that he really liked her and that I had ruined a relationship he really wanted. Of course, as you’ve seen, that anger didn’t last, and we’re on good terms now.”

“Yeah, but only because that relationship would never have lasted,” Alex said. “What if Andy was _the_ one, and I ruined a chance for her to actually end up with a nice guy?”

“If Andy really is _the_ one, like you said,” Claire said, “then nothing you do is going to be able to stop it from happening. It’s just good that you recognized your mistake, so that you won’t end up repeating it in the future.”

“I don’t think Haley’s going to see it that way,” Alex said.

“Dylan’s a dunce,” Claire said. “I mean, I don’t have to be polite about it anymore, we all know that. Hopefully Haley sees the contrast between the two of them today and realizes how much better Andy is for her, and maybe what you did today will actually have helped make that relationship stronger.”

“That’s wishful thinking if I’ve ever heard it,” Alex said, “but I’ll take it.”

“That’s my girl,” Claire said. “You want to get some more studying done before your sister gets home?”

“I suppose now would be the most opportune time, so I might as well,” Alex said. “Thanks Mom.”

“You’re welcome, sweetie,” Claire said. Alex gave Claire a hug and took her books back upstairs.

* * *

_“Alex probably doesn’t know this,” Claire says, “but she helped me just as much as I helped her. She was proof that I was still capable of being a good mom! I hadn’t realize how much I had been doubting that since this situation broke wide open, but it was the kind of reassurance I hadn’t even known I needed.”_

* * *

“Haley!” Dylan cried, running desperately through the mall trying to find her. He had tried all of the fancy clothing stores (except for the lingerie one, he’d never been comfortable going in there), and he was just about to give up hope when he found them sitting in the food court.

“Haley, there you are!” he shouted. Haley turned around, and her mouth fell open when she saw Dylan jogging over to her. Andy looked tense as well.

“Dylan!” Haley hissed. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to try to win you back,” Dylan said. “I still love you, Haley, for all of eternity.”

“Jesus Christ,” Haley said, turning back to Andy. “I’m so sorry, I had no idea we’d run into him here.” She spun sharply back around to Dylan. “How the hell did you even find me?”

“Your sister said you might be here,” Dylan said. “She didn’t say you were with someone else, though, I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Alex!” Haley shouted. “I’m gonna kill that little cretin. Dylan, you’re too late. I’m with a really nice guy now, you had your chance.”

“No way!” Dylan said. “You’re the sun and the moon to me, Haley. I’m not about to let you go that easily.”

“I’m so sorry about this Andy,” Haley said, hoping that if she ignored Dylan long enough he would go away.

“I wrote a song,” Dylan said. “I don’t have my guitar with me, so you don’t get to hear the awesome chord progressions, but I can still sing it to you. _Haley, my dear, you’re the comet that flies through the sky…_ ”

“Dylan, will you be quiet! People are starting to stare at us.”

“Excuse me, sir,” Andy said, standing up out of his seat and walking over to him. Dylan was a bit taller, but Andy was much stockier in build. “I know that you care a lot about Haley, I really do. I can understand where those feelings come from. But if you really cared about her, you’d respect her wishes and leave her alone.”

“Easy for you to say,” Dylan retorted, “you’re the one who’s on a date with her right now. But I was her first time, and I intend to be her last time, too!”

“Oh my God,” Haley muttered. She got up and stormed over to Dylan, too, and despite being a good foot shorter than he was she was still intimidating. “You have absolutely no right to come barging in here and interrupt what has been a totally awesome date! If you don’t get out of here right now, I’ll call security and say you’re harassing me.”

“Haley, I know how to deal with this clown,” Andy said, strutting over to Dylan and crossing his arms. “If you want to get to Haley, you have to go through me.”

“Andy, what are you doing?” Haley whispered from behind him.

“Trust me,” Andy whispered back.

Dylan stood there for a few seconds, somewhat in disbelief over what was happening. But he only saw one way to get what he wanted, and he wasn’t going to let Andy get in his way. He let out a scream and charged at him. Andy was taken off guard, so even though Dylan was lighter he was able to tackle him to the ground. The two of them started rolling around and hitting each other, knocking over chairs and getting some licks in.

“Stop it!” Haley screamed. “Dylan, get off of him!”

“I had no choice, Haley!” Dylan said. “He challenged me, and I have to do whatever it takes to get you back.” Any other words he was about to say were muffled when Andy reached out with his hand to cover his mouth.

“Get security!” Andy said. “This guy’s tougher than he looks.”

“I don’t want to leave you with him!” Haley said. “I don’t know what he’ll do!”

“Ow!” Andy cried, as Dylan bit his hand.

“I’ll do whatever I have to!” he cried. “You’re not gonna keep me from my one true love!”

Haley saw specks of blood coming from Andy’s hand and realized this had gone far enough. She darted her head around, desperately searching for someone in a blue or black uniform. She finally saw a security guard over near one of the clothing stores. She ran as fast as she could over to him.

“Sir, you have to help me,” she stammered. “My boyfriend and ex-boyfriend are fighting in the food court. They’re right over there!”

The guard turned towards the food court and immediately started to run over there. Haley hustled after him, and he was able to get into the fray and pry Dylan away from Andy. Dylan’s hair looked even more unkempt than usual, but he was otherwise unharmed. Andy only had the wound on his hand from where Dylan bit him.

“Okay, what the hell’s going on here?” the guard asked. “Who started this?”

“It was him,” they all said, with Andy and Haley pointing at Dylan and Dylan pointing at Andy.

“Tough luck, kid,” the guard said to Dylan. “You got outnumbered. We’re going to have ourselves a little chat. You two, what are your names?”

“Haley and Andy,” Andy said.

“Nice to meet you. I think you guys should probably go make sure that wound isn’t serious. We’ll make sure this clown doesn’t bother you anymore.”

“I still love you, Haley!” Dylan cried as the guard dragged him away. “And I will never stop loving you for the rest of my life!”

“Easy there, Romeo,” the guard said as he dragged Dylan away. Once the two of them were out of sight, Haley turned to Andy and looked at his hand in horror.

“Are you okay? How bad was it?” she asked.

“That punk has some sharp canines,” Andy said, “but honestly this is just a skin-deep wound. As a manny I already know a good amount of first aid. I have the stuff I need to clean myself up in my car. And the guard was right, we should probably get out of here so that animal can’t find us again.”

“I’m so sorry,” Haley said. “He’s usually more reasonable than that.”

“You sure about that?” Andy asked. “I find that kinda hard to believe.” The two of them began walking towards the nearest mall exit.

“Well, I haven’t seen him in a long time, and I didn’t realize how desperate he was to find me. I didn’t even think he was still in town.”

“Well, it doesn’t really matter at this point,” Andy said. “Sorry we had to cut today short. I know you probably wanted to do some shopping.”

“I think I’ve had enough excitement for one date,” Haley said. “Let’s just get you cleaned up.”

The two of them left the mall and walked towards Andy’s car, which was hard to find in the crowded lot.

“Do you remember where you parked?” Haley asked.

“I always look at the signs on the lampposts,” Andy said. “The one I parked at was ‘B2’ so I know exactly where I am.” They headed in that general direction.

“That was really brave of you to stick up for me like that,” Haley said with a warm smile. Andy grinned sheepishly.

“It was pretty stupid to get into a fight with that guy, though,” he said. “He’s a lot tougher than he looks.”

“We went to the same high school,” Haley said. “All the girls were all over him, with his songwriting and his guitar. They all hated me when I started dating him, and a lot of my girlfriends stopped speaking to me.”

“Some friends,” Andy said.

“I think they were only trying to be friends with me because I was popular,” Haley said. “High school is so stupid.”

“Yeah, you’re telling me,” Andy said. They reached his car and climbed in.

“Whoo whee it’s hot in this car,” Andy said. “Knew I shouldn’t have parked it in the sun. Let me just turn on the A/C so we can actually breathe.” He started the car and cranked the A/C, which for now was blowing hot air but it would quickly cool off.

“Okay, now the first aid kit is in the back,” he said. “Don’t worry, I got it.” He climbed into the back of his car and shuffled around until he found it. “I know,” he said as he came back to the front and sat beside Haley, “you can help me wrap the wound. Kinda hard to do that with one hand.”

“For sure,” Haley said. Andy first cleaned the wound with some water and antiseptic, then he offered his hand to Haley. She took the gauze and wrapped it gingerly around his wound. Once she had wrapped enough of it around, she took a piece of surgical tape and secured the gauze in place.

“Thanks, Haley,” Andy said.

“You’re welcome,” she replied. She noticed that she still had her hand on top of Andy’s, but she didn’t want to move it. Andy squeezed it reassuringly, and they smiled at each other.

“You’re so beautiful,” Andy said, almost in a trance. “You know that, right?”

Haley blushed, still looking at Andy but feeling butterflies in her stomach. “You’re so good to me, Andy,” she said. “I really appreciate what you’ve done for me, especially with everything that’s happened lately.”

They looked into each other’s eyes, every second seeming to hang in the air as it ticked by. Both of them knew what they wanted, but neither one was sure of what the other was thinking, so neither of them made a move. Finally Andy reached out and touched Haley’s face, pulling it gently towards him. Haley felt as if her stomach was burning with anticipation, so she reached out and pulled him into a kiss. It wasn’t sloppy, they just held their lips together and wrapped their arms around each other, lips breaking apart gently only to come together again. After a minute or two, they stopped and looked at each other again. Andy looked into her eyes and grinned mischievously.

“What’s so funny?” Haley asked.

“Your pupils are dilated,” Andy said. Haley snorted with laughter, the tension between them now easing into a more relaxing state.

“What does that even mean?” she asked.

“It means you consider me sexually attractive,” Andy said.

“Oh God, please don’t,” Haley said, clearly smiling but covering her face. “I’m blushing enough as it is.”

“It was something I first started looking for when I was with Beth,” Andy said. “At first it was really clear to me that it was happening for her, too, but then it stopped and I just pretended to ignore it.”

“Oh God, I’m sorry,” Haley said. “I’ll try to keep my pupils dilated for you then.”

“It’s not something you can control,” Andy said, “and that’s the reason I look for it. You can fake a lot of things in a relationship, but you can’t fake biological signs like that.”

“So what am I supposed to do?” Haley asked.

“Don’t worry about it,” Andy said. “No, I mean literally, don’t worry about it. If you start to stress out, it distracts you too much to be aroused.”

“Geez, you’ve really thought a lot about this,” Haley said.

“Had to be done,” Andy said. “Been burned a bit too many times, so now I have to pay attention.”

“Well, you’re not gonna get burned by me,” Haley said. “At least, not in a bad way.”

Haley and Andy smiled at each other and held their hands.

“Why don’t I just get you home?” Andy asked.

“But I’m having such a good time,” Haley said. “I don’t want to leave yet.”

“All the more reason to get you home before I wear out my welcome,” Andy said. “Always leave them wanting more.”

“Okay, fine,” Haley said. Andy started the car up and started the drive back to the Dunphy house. “You aren’t allowed to leave my sight until we set up a second date,” Haley added, “and it’s going to be more romantic this time, and less interrupted by exes.”

“You know of any good spots for a moonlit picnic?” Andy asked.

“Oh yeah, there’s a great make-out spot on a hill outside of town,” Haley said.

“I see what’s on your mind, then,” Andy said, and Haley smacked him playfully on the arm.

“Don’t be such a perv,” Haley said. “But yeah, I guess you have a point. Let’s do it, though. A moonlit picnic sounds so romantic.”

“Why don’t we make it next weekend?” Andy asked. “The weather’s supposed to be great.”

“That should work for me,” Haley said. “Saturday night, maybe?”

“Pick you up at 8,” Andy said. “Then we can watch the sun set.”

“Sounds great,” Haley said. “I’ll make sure my psycho family doesn’t get in the way.”

“They didn’t do that today,” Andy said.

“I got lucky today,” Haley said. “Mom has no authority to judge what I’m doing now, and I’m being way more careful than she ever was, so there’s really no reason for her to keep me away from you.”

“That’s good to hear,” Andy said. “I really hope you two can work out your differences. I hate to see you guys fighting so much.”

“It’s kinda always been like that,” Haley said, “only it’s a little more vicious nowadays. But I’ll get over it, I always do.”

“That’s kinda sad,” Andy said. “I wish you got along more.”

“Well, you’re not about to fix it, so don’t worry about it,” Haley said. “We’ll still find a way to make it work, somehow...hopefully.”

The rest of the car ride was spent mainly in silence until they arrived at the Dunphy house.

“Feel free to call or text if you wanna talk,” Andy said. “You have my number.”

“Will do,” Haley said. “See you next week.” Haley pecked Andy on the lips and waved to him as she got out of the car and he pulled away from the house. She walked into her house and saw Claire and Alex in the living room, looking as though they had been waiting for her to return.

“How did it go?” Claire asked.

“Oh, that’s definitely a change of tone,” Haley said. “It went great.”

“Haley!” Alex said, clambering over to her. “I’m so sorry. I was the one that told Dylan where you were. I didn’t mean to make things worse for you two, I was being selfish.”

“Alex, it’s okay,” Haley said. “If anything, you should apologize to Andy the next time you see him.”

“What happened?” Claire asked.

“Dylan bit him,” Haley said.

“What?” Alex asked, looking alarmed.

“Yeah, they got into a fight at the mall and we had to leave after that. Dylan was acting like such a freak, but Andy was a total gentleman. Stuck up for me the whole way.”

“Haley, I’m so glad to hear that,” Claire said. “I’m sorry for arguing with you before you left. You look so happy coming back in, and I don’t want to get in the way of that with such a good guy like Andy.”

“Just don’t let it happen again,” Haley said coolly. “Anyway, I actually have a favor to ask of you, Alex.”

“Of me?” she asked.

“Do you have any books by Fitzgerald, Steinbeck, or Hemingway?”

Alex was rendered speechless for a moment. “Do you even know what their first names are?” she asked.

“Very funny,” Haley said. “It’s just Andy recommended them, and I wanted to read their books to see what’s so great about them.”

“Andy’s inspiring you to read?” Alex asked, dumbfounded.

“Don’t sound so surprised,” Haley said. “I can take on new interests if I want.”

“Okay, well, I guess I could start you off with The Great Gatsby,” Alex said. “That’s written by F. Scott Fitzgerald.”

“F. Scott? That’s a weird first name.”

* * *

_“I could have explained it or said something sarcastic,” Alex says, “but if Haley wanted to read classic literature, I wasn’t about to stop her. We might actually have something to talk about, actually have an intellectual discussion.” There’s a pause. “Yeah, that might be a bit too much wishful thinking. But I didn’t think she would ever be interested at all, so you never know.”_

* * *

“Well, here. I have two copies, so you can just have the one I didn’t highlight or annotate to oblivion.”

“Okay, I think I’ll get started right now,” Haley said.

“Enjoy the book, Haley,” Claire said. “Dinner will be coming in a few hours.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Haley said as she walked up the stairs with Alex. Claire headed to the kitchen, smiling for the first time in a long time.


	10. He's Coming Home

Phil awoke to the smell of coffee wafting into the guestroom where he had been sleeping. It was Wednesday, and it had been about a week since he had left the house with Luke. He checked the time on the alarm clock on the nightstand next to his bed. It read 8:11 AM. Figuring it was time to face the day, he dragged himself out of bed and downstairs to the kitchen. When he got down there he saw Frank sitting at the kitchen table.

“I figured the smell of coffee would get you to come down here,” Frank said, his eyes twinkling as he looked at Phil. “It always did.”

“Did Luke come down yet?” Phil asked groggily, letting out a loud yawn as he stretched his arms.

“Haven’t seen him,” Frank said. “Phil, I think we need to talk about your game plan going forward.”

“What plan? I don’t have a plan.”

“All the more reason to make one! I’ll get you a cup o’ Joe and we can talk man-to-man.”

“Um, okay,” Phil said hesitantly, taking a seat across from Frank’s chair as Frank got up to pour Phil a cup of coffee.

* * *

_“I’ve never seen my dad this serious,” Phil reflects. “I mean, I know he’s been through a lot, but I wasn’t expecting him to directly attack the problem.” He leans closer and starts to whisper. “Look, I’m gonna be completely honest, part of the reason I went to his house was to avoid the whole thing. But I was only thinking short-term, so when he started talking about a ‘game plan’ I got really nervous.”_

* * *

“Dad, what exactly are we talking about here?” Phil asked. “What is this game plan we’re trying to make?”

“To help you patch things up with Claire,” Frank said matter-of-factly. “I’m not about to see my son go through a nasty divorce over some misunderstanding.”

“It’s not a misunderstanding,” Phil said. “She deliberately lied to me for twenty years about my oldest daughter. That’s not something you just get over.”

“It’s not something you can run away from, either,” Frank said. “You still have responsibilities as a father. Maybe not so much to Haley, since she’s over eighteen, but Alex needs her dad around and Luke can’t be on the run with you forever, he’s got school to go back to in the fall. You need to set things right with Claire, if not for her sake or even your sake, then for the sake of your kids.”

Phil took a sip of coffee and put it down, a large frown on his face. “I know my kids need me, Dad, but I don’t think I can be the same dad I was before.”

“Who said anything about being the same?” Frank asked. “I’m not expecting your family to go back to normal like nothing happened. You gotta start changing some things if you’re gonna learn to readjust the family dynamic.”

“When did you get so insightful?” Phil asked. “We’ve never had conversations like this.”

“A lot changed when your mother died,” Frank said. “I had pains in my chest when I found out, and silly old me thought it was something I ate! But once I sat down long enough to actually pay attention to how I was feeling, I sobbed and sobbed, regretting being so emotionally distant with her and with you growing up. It’s too late for me to fix what broke between your mother and I, but you and I still have a chance, and you and Claire still have a chance.” Frank put his hand on top of Phil’s. “Don’t make the same mistakes I made. Talk it out, work it out, because you never know when that day will come that you won’t get a chance to fix what’s broken, and by then it will be too late.” Frank started to tear up, so he took his hand away and wiped his eye with it. Phil took a deep breath, and a few tears of his own fell into his cup of coffee.

They heard a shuffling noise and turned as Luke came down the stairs and entered the kitchen. “I heard talking,” he said. “What’s going on?”

“Just having a little heart-to-heart with your dad here,” Frank said.

Phil said nothing, but he rose from the table and gave Luke one of the tightest hugs he could ever remember giving him. Luke stood there awkwardly at first, not knowing what to do with this sudden display of affection, but eventually he returned the hug.

“Luke, I love you,” Phil said. “I’m sorry if I don’t say it enough.”

“You say it enough, Dad,” Luke said. “What’s going on? You look really out of it.”

“We’ve got a lot to talk about,” Phil said, “and I just got a great idea. Luke, let’s just take a drive.”

“What are you talking about, Dad? Where are we going?”

“Anywhere, nowhere, it doesn’t matter,” Phil said. “There’s gonna be some big changes coming, and we need to work out what we’re doing.”

“I don’t get it,” Luke said. “What does that mean?”

“We’ve gotta talk about getting you home,” Phil said, “about getting _us_ home.”

“We’ve gotta go back? After what _she_ did to you?”

“That’s no way to talk about your mother,” Frank scolded. “Phil will explain everything on the drive, I’m sure.”

“I’ll do my best,” he said, “so let’s grab you something to eat, get dressed, and we’ll get going.”

“Okay, I guess,” Luke said, rolling his eyes.

* * *

_“I should’ve known my dad was gonna be a pushover!” Luke says bitterly. “He’s always caving in to what Mom wants, and now he’s gonna go back to her even after all the lies she’s told him. If it were me, I would never want to go back, but I had no choice. I was stuck with my dad, and if he decided going back was the right thing to do, there wasn’t much I could do about it.”_

* * *

_“My son’s reaction was...disappointing, to say the least,” Phil said. “I was hoping he’d be a bit more mature about the whole thing. But I had a car full of gas and nothing but time and a winding road to work out whatever we were gonna work out. I just hoped I’d be able to convince him, even if I wasn’t completely convinced myself.”_

* * *

“Ready to go?” Phil asked once he had met Luke out at the front door.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Luke said with a sigh. Phil grabbed the keys to the car and waved goodbye to Frank as he left the house. Neither Phil nor Luke said anything until they got into the car.

“Before we go, let’s put the top down,” Phil said. “It’s so nice outside today.” He pressed a button, and the top of the car gradually began to retract. Phil smiled at Luke as the roof retracted above them, but Luke rolled his eyes and stared out the window.

“Buddy,” Phil said. “I know you’re mad at your mother, but we’ve gotta be realistic here. We can’t stick around here forever. You’ve got school, and I’ve got a job I’ve been neglecting the past week.”

“How are your clients gonna feel?” Luke asked.

“Luckily I haven’t missed any meetings or open houses, but I can’t just idle by and let guys like Gil Thorpe sweep the rug out from under me.”

“So that’s it, huh?” Luke asked while Phil backed out of the driveway. “You have to go back to the house because you have to be responsible?”

“I don’t expect you to understand this while you’re so young,” Phil said. They were cruising smoothly down the road, headed away from the city.

“Hold on, Dad, I’ve been thinking about this,” Luke said, “and I want to have my say.”

“Go ahead, buddy,” Phil said. “I’m listening.”

* * *

_“I had no idea what he was gonna say,” Phil explains, looking at me in earnest. “I don’t ever see him get riled up or angry, but he’s been so angry at his mom for the past few days that I was a little scared about what was gonna come out of his mouth.”_

* * *

“Think about what you had to do with your life, Dad,” Luke said, “or what you thought you had to do. You got caught with a broken condom, rushed into marriage, and had to settle down and start raising a family. Fast forward twenty years, and now you don’t even know if Haley is actually yours. What if she hadn’t been yours? What could you have done with that time?”

* * *

_“I couldn’t believe what my son was saying to me,” Phil says, “but it was totally outrageous. He thinks he knows so much about life because he’s at that age where you think you know everything. What he doesn’t realize is that life has a way of throwing curve balls at you, and you can’t always knock them out of the park.”_

* * *

“I have to stop you there, Luke,” Phil said. “There was nothing I wanted more than to start a family with Claire. I was asking her to marry me over and over again. Turns out she was the wild child that had to settle down, so if you’re gonna confront anyone about living a life of regret, you should talk to her. And we’ll be getting a chance to do that sooner than you think.”

“Ugh, I still can’t believe you want to go back,” Luke said. “She totally betrayed your trust on every level, what could you possibly want from her now?”

“Luke, we have over two decades of history together,” Phil said. “I can’t just throw that away, no matter how much I was thinking about it when she first told me. And I can’t keep running away from this. You remember The Lion King, right?”

“Yeah, I used to watch it all the time growing up,” Luke said. “I think I have the whole movie memorized by now.”

“Well Simba spent his whole life running away from his problems after his dad died, and while he was gone Pride Rock became a wasteland. He was living the carefree life, but his family was back home and they needed him to go back to make things right. Luke, we have Alex going off to school soon, four cars to keep in repair, a mortgage to pay. Claire can’t handle that all by herself, and what do you think will happen to your sisters if they can’t afford the house?”

* * *

_“Dad had a really good point there,” Luke says, “but I was really feeling stubborn, and I just sat there thinking of ways to prove him wrong. Then something actually did come to me.”_

* * *

“Dad, why doesn’t she just go back to whoever that guy was that might have been Haley’s father?” Luke asked. “He could step up and take care of the family he should have taken care of a long time ago.”

“No way in hell,” Phil said. “I love you and my daughters way too much to let some sleaze move into our house and raise you in my place. That’s absolutely out of the question.” With that, Phil stopped the car in the middle of the road. They were on the outskirts of town, where there was very little traffic.

“What are you doing?” Luke asked.

“We’re going back to my dad’s,” Phil said, “and we’re driving back home. Sorry if you don’t like it, but I’m going to do whatever it takes to get my family back, whether you like it or not.”

* * *

_“At first I was really angry at him,” Luke explains, “and on the ride back to Grandpa’s house I just sat there sulking. But then I realized that my dad wanted to fight for our family, and he wasn’t gonna let anything tear it apart, and I realized then how much he cared about us. I had to apologize when I realized that.”_

* * *

“I’m sorry, Dad,” Luke said. “You’re right about trying to go back home. I’m really glad you’re fighting so hard to keep us together as a family.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Luke,” Phil said. “I know why you were upset, and I know how much teenagers rebel against their parents. But I’m glad you’ve come around, and I’m glad I’ve come around too, to be honest.”

“So we’re gonna go home right away?” Luke asked.

“I can’t wait anymore, I’ve been gone too long and there’s too much work to do. Here, let’s throw on some music to get us pumped up on the ride back.” Phil turned the radio on, and he found a station with an upbeat song to put him in an energized mood.

When they arrived back at Frank’s house, Phil rolled the top back up on the car, and he and Luke hustled inside.

“Luke, why don’t you get your stuff packed,” Phil said as they went into the house. “I’m gonna call Claire and tell her to be expecting us to come back home.”

Frank came up to Phil, beaming and offering a hug, which Phil accepted.

“You’re doing the right thing,” Frank said. “I’m so proud of you.”

“I have a family to fight for,” Phil said, “and I’m not about to give it up that easily. I have to call Claire.”

“Go ahead, I won’t get in the way,” Frank said. Phil found his cell phone charging in the living room and dialed the number.

* * *

_“I was really nervous making that phone call,” Phil recalls. “I had so much to say to Claire, and I had no idea how I was going to say it. I was so jittery that I decided to save the details for when I got back home, and just tell her that I was on my way.”_

* * *

_“The phone rang,” Claire says, “and when I saw Phil’s name I nearly jumped out of my skin. I was afraid he was gonna lay into me again, so I was really scared to pick up the phone at first.”_

* * *

“Who’s calling?” Alex asked.

“It’s your father,” Claire said.

“What are you waiting for? Answer it!”

“Okay, okay!” Claire said, receiving the call and putting the phone to her ear. “H-hi, Phil.”

“Claire, I’m coming home,” Phil said.

Claire started to shake and tears immediately began to well up in her eyes. “That’s great, Phil. I can’t wait to see you and Luke again.”

“Dad’s coming home?” Alex asked, rushing over to Claire’s side to try to listen in on the conversation.

“Claire, I’m going to take you up on that family therapy as well,” Phil said. “I was wrong before, it’s absolutely the right step and it was really thoughtful of you to set it up.”

“You will? You’re actually coming home and doing therapy with us?”

“What’s going on?” Haley asked, walking slowly into the kitchen.

“Dad’s coming back,” Alex said. Haley’s eyes opened wide and she started to tremble.

“He is?” she asked timidly.

“He’s doing family therapy as well,” Alex said. “Isn’t this great?”

“Yeah, it is,” Haley said, almost as if in a trance. “I think I need to sit down.” Haley walked away, leaving Alex in the kitchen with Claire.

“Phil, believe me, I am so sorry about everything I’ve done. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to be honest with you from the start.”

“Claire, let’s just set this aside for now. We’ll talk about it in therapy. Just because I’m coming back doesn’t mean I’m ready to forgive you. There’s still a lot we need to talk about.”

“Yes, I understand,” Claire said, “but it’s really great that you’re coming back home.”

“I feel good about it, too,” Phil said. “Look, I wanna head out so we can beat traffic. See you in a bit.”

“Okay, bye Phil,” Claire said. Phil hung up, and Claire shortly followed.

“He’s coming back,” she said to Alex. Alex hugged her, and Claire held her close and kissed her head. “I missed him so much.”

“We all did,” Alex said.

“Where’s Haley?” Claire asked. Alex led her into the living room, where Haley seemed to be staring into space.

“Your father is coming home,” Claire told her. Haley blinked a few times and turned back to Claire.

“I almost don’t want to believe it,” Haley said, “in case something happens that takes him away again.” She suddenly stood up off the couch and glared at Claire. “You’re not hiding anything else from us that could make him leave again, are you?”

“Haley, I swear to God, this is the _only_ secret I’ve ever kept from Phil.”

“You’d better be telling the truth, or I’ll be following Dad right out the door and you’ll never see either of us again, you hear me?” Her voice cracked a bit at the end of her proclamation, and she raised a hand to her mouth and sat back down, starting to tremble again.

“Haley, I know it’s hard,” Claire said as Alex sat down next to Haley to comfort her. “Believe me, I recognize that I’ve been given a second chance, and there’s no way in hell I’m going to let that slip away. Phil is the love of my life, he’s the one I chose to be your father, and I’m gonna fight like hell to keep him in our lives. I never want to go through the pain of these last few days ever again, not knowing if he or Luke are ever going to come back.”

“I don’t either,” Haley said, turning her face away to look out the window as if expecting Phil and Luke to drive up at any moment.

“Well, we can’t just sit around waiting for them,” Claire said. “They’re going to be a while coming home. I have to add a bit more to tonight’s dinner, and Alex I’m sure you have some studying to do.”

“Yeah, you’re right about that, Mom,” Alex said. “Haley, what are you gonna do?”

“I know exactly what I want to do,” Haley said, pulling out her cell phone.

* * *

_“I wanted to make a phone call to Andy to keep him up to date on what’s been going on,” Haley tells me. “He’s been so supportive these past few days, especially during our date a week ago, that I wanted to let him know if anything big happened. Well, having Dad and Luke come home is a big deal, so the choice was obvious.”_

* * *

“Hey, Andy?” Haley asked.

“Haley? Everything okay?” Andy asked in response.

“Yeah, things are good. Dad and Luke are coming home.”

Andy and Haley both smiled wide. “That’s great news, Haley! You must be super excited for him to come back.”

“Yeah, I don’t think we’ve been apart this long since I went to college. You know, it’s kinda funny.”

“What’s funny?”

Haley started twirling her hair. “I guess I didn’t realize how much I missed him until now, when I know he’s coming back.”

“I think I can relate,” Andy said. “I miss my dad every day, but sometimes it’s more than others. Are you expecting him back anytime soon or is it still gonna be a while?”

“Probably not that much longer. Grandpa Frank lives kinda close.”

“Well, I don’t want to hold you up,” Andy said.

“No, no, don’t hang up,” Haley implored him. “I kinda need to pass the time until he gets back.”

“Well, I guess I should tell you then that I’m at your other grandfather’s house watching Joe,” Andy said. “I don’t really want to get so distracted that the little guy hurts himself, you know?”

“Damn,” Haley said. “You’re right, though. I didn’t realize. I assumed you didn’t have anything going on, sorry.”

“No need to apologize,” Andy said. “You know I’d stay on the phone for hours if I could. Now’s just a bad time. Hey, how about we talk tonight once you’ve had a chance to catch back up with your dad and brother?”

Haley smiled. “That sounds great.”

“Perfect. You can call me whenever you get a free moment. Talk to you then. Bye.”

“Bye, Andy,” Haley said, hanging up feeling relieved of a tension she hadn’t noticed was there while she was talking to Andy.

* * *

_“I guess I thought he was avoiding me, for some stupid reason,” Haley says. “So when he told me he wanted to catch up tonight, I was glad that he wasn’t completely blowing me off. I don’t even know why I thought he was blowing me off, I guess I’m just feeling...insecure? That’s really weird for me. I’m like always super confident so I don’t know where the hell I got the idea...you know what? I guess it’s not important.”_

* * *

Haley was left sitting on the couch scrolling through her Facebook account passively, barely looking at the various status updates her friends were posting. Intermittently she looked out the window to see if Phil and Luke were coming down the street, but then she returned to her phone, stuck in a limbo between the two activities.

“Everything okay in there?” Claire called from the kitchen. “You’re awfully quiet.”

“I’m fine, Mom,” Haley said, rolling her eyes. “Just nervous about Dad and Luke coming home.”

“Me too, Haley,” Claire said, “but I think we’re excited for two different reasons.” She stepped into the living room. “You sure you’re all right?”

“I’m fine, Mom, really,” Haley said. “I think I’d rather be left alone now, okay?”

* * *

_“Honestly, I couldn’t tell you why I was shutting her out,” Haley explains. “Maybe I’m still bitter about what she did and that she’s the reason Dad stormed out of here with Luke. But she looked like she was at least trying to fix what was wrong, so I couldn’t have been too mad at her...could I?” She looks at me as if expecting an answer. “Neutral observer, ugh. Whatever, it doesn’t matter, I can figure this shit out in family therapy. That’s the whole reason we’re going, right?”_

* * *

_“I had to expect a total shutout from Haley,” Claire says. “Honestly, that shouldn’t come as a surprise at this point. But it still hurt being given the cold shoulder from my daughter, and even worse knowing that it was totally my fault.” Claire groans and pulls at her hair. “I’m sick of the self-pity I’m giving myself. I thought I was above that. But that’s why I’m in therapy, and that’s why we were going to go to family therapy in the first place.”_

* * *

“Okay, I’ll be in the kitchen if you change your mind,” Claire said, stepping back awkwardly.

Haley went back to her phone. Part of her just wanted to leave the house, but then she wouldn’t be there to greet Phil and Luke when they came back home. Alex was busy with her work, so she couldn’t go up to talk to her either. The thought to call Phil and Luke crossed her mind but only filled her with more anxiety, so that was out of the question as well.

* * *

_“I had nothing to do,” Haley recalls “It was either talk to Mom or do nothing. Yeah, I mean, in retrospect I could have maybe called Manny or something, but he put off a real creepy vibe last time I talked to him, so I guess that would have been a bad idea, too. So I decided to go to the kitchen and try to talk to Mom.”_

* * *

“Hi, Mom,” Haley said.

Claire was busy carving extra chicken for the first full dinner with the entire Dunphy household in over a week, but she still smiled at Haley while working. “Out of options?” she joked.

“It’s not like that,” Haley said with a sigh.

“You don’t have to pretend, Haley,” Claire said. “I know you don’t want to talk to me. You know, things are gonna be uneasy when Phil and Luke come back home, and I’m nervous about that.”

“I just want to see them again. I miss them.”

“Me, too,” Claire said, beginning to bread the chicken in breadcrumbs. “I’m not sure what the dinner table’s gonna be like tonight.”

“Hopefully we can just eat like a normal family,” Haley said. “You go to therapy on Thursdays, right?”

“Yeah, so tomorrow’s the day you’d be coming in. I have to call Dr. Sampson and tell him to expect all of us for tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Haley said. “I’m really nervous about that, too.”

“I know, honey,” Claire said. “There’s so much that’s up in the air around all this. But with the three of you kids on summer break, we’ve got nothing but time to start figuring this out, and I think we can really pull together here and get past this.”

“Ugh, could you stop being a mom for like two seconds?” Haley asked. “I’m not a teenager anymore. We should be able to talk like adults.”

* * *

_“Wow, I didn’t expect to hear that coming from Haley,” Claire says. “Look, I don’t want to say she’s immature, but it still caught me by surprise that she said something that, well...grown-up. I was wondering if the past couple of days has really made her start thinking about how she faces life, and if this ends up being the thing she needed to really come into her own as an adult, then maybe that’s something positive that came out of this.” Claire looks out the window and sighs. “Or maybe that’s just my wishful thinking.”_

* * *

“Haley, you’re right,” Claire said, going to chop extra potatoes. “Talking like two adults is something I’ve always wanted the two of us to do ever since you turned eighteen. But with what happened when you went to school and how you’ve struggled since then, it’s been kinda hard to do that.”

Haley’s nostrils flared, but she took a breath and calmed down. “I guess I see your point,” she said, “all the shit I’ve had to go through the past couple years. Hey, do you remember I was trying to write my college essay and was bitching that I hadn’t faced any adversity?”

“I abandoned you on the side of the road,” Claire said with a grimace. “Not my finest hour as a mom.”

“Well, I think I understand why you did it now,” Haley said. “Life sometimes ditches you on the side of the road with no options, and you just have to make it up as you go along trying to deal with whatever it throws at you.”

“That’s very insightful,” Claire said. “I could have used that reminder when I was growing up, but your grandpa wasn’t around and Nana, well...I think you’re old enough to hear this now...she never really grew up, so she couldn’t really teach me how to do that.”

“I always thought Nana was a little off,” Haley said with a small chuckle. Suddenly they both heard the doorbell ring. Haley and Claire both scrambled out of the kitchen and went to look through the window on the door to see who it was. Alex ran down the stairs as well and almost fell down the stairs when she tripped on the broken step.

“Oh my God, Alex, are you okay?” Claire asked. She and Haley turned away before they got a chance to see who was at the door.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m fine,” Alex said. “Is that Dad and Luke?”

“We were just going to find out,” Claire said, turning back to the door. She took a deep breath and opened it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is as much as I've published on FF dot net. Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed it, be sure to leave a kudos and a comment. Not sure if I'll pick this up again, but this was too big an effort to leave off of AO3.

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to take a while to post. There's a lot of weird formatting that needs to be accounted for. Thank you for your patience.


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